[ ic ; letter - the one that broke your heart the hardest ]
Ruby,
{.....} I don't even know why I'm writing this to you. I've spent so much of my time trying to forget everything about you. Every lie, every cheat, every word you ever said to me. I try to forget it all, because every time I think about it {...} I think about what I did and all the people that got hurt because of me. And that's the hardest part. Knowing that you were just manipulating me, but it's still my fault in the end.
I tried so hard to forget it, but when you came back to the City, everything came flooding back with it. The anger, the pain, the {...} insufferable amounts of guilt. {...} You broke me in ways I can't even begin to explain, Ruby. You made me think I could take this curse of mine and make something good of it. You made me believe that there was a way for me to escape the {...} monster I was supposed to become. You made me trust you {...} and I did.
I trusted you, Ruby. I believed in you. And in the end, it was all just a game, just {...} another person using me to get closer to him. I followed you blindly, even though Dean told me over and over that I was wrong. {...} I wish I had believed him. I wish I hadn't let you get close me. I wish I didn't turn my back on him to go with you. I wish I could forget.
But most of all, {...} I wish I didn't miss you. You are the embodiment of every sin I've ever committed, and that part of me died along with you in that church. Things will never go back to the way they were. Even if we cross paths in the City, find some way to start talking again, {...} you're still dead to me, Ruby. And I will never let you back into my heart. I can't. I won't.
Sam Winchester
{.....} I don't even know why I'm writing this to you. I've spent so much of my time trying to forget everything about you. Every lie, every cheat, every word you ever said to me. I try to forget it all, because every time I think about it {...} I think about what I did and all the people that got hurt because of me. And that's the hardest part. Knowing that you were just manipulating me, but it's still my fault in the end.
I tried so hard to forget it, but when you came back to the City, everything came flooding back with it. The anger, the pain, the {...} insufferable amounts of guilt. {...} You broke me in ways I can't even begin to explain, Ruby. You made me think I could take this curse of mine and make something good of it. You made me believe that there was a way for me to escape the {...} monster I was supposed to become. You made me trust you {...} and I did.
I trusted you, Ruby. I believed in you. And in the end, it was all just a game, just {...} another person using me to get closer to him. I followed you blindly, even though Dean told me over and over that I was wrong. {...} I wish I had believed him. I wish I hadn't let you get close me. I wish I didn't turn my back on him to go with you. I wish I could forget.
But most of all, {...} I wish I didn't miss you. You are the embodiment of every sin I've ever committed, and that part of me died along with you in that church. Things will never go back to the way they were. Even if we cross paths in the City, find some way to start talking again, {...} you're still dead to me, Ruby. And I will never let you back into my heart. I can't. I won't.
Sam Winchester