Never Fear
This is the first Nejiten fanfic I ever wrote ^^
There are not many things that could frighten Tenten.
Not blood.
Not pain.
Not even the thought of fighting several highly skilled shinobi at once.
After all, she was a kunoichi - a strong one at that, a fighter of liquid metal, steel and blade.
Fear...was a weakness. Tenten did not tolerate weakness.
-----------
She felt like she was drowning in the dark. She could see faintly the outlines of the trees that surrounded them as they ran on, the roots that broke up the dirt path, branches that hung heavily down, merging with the pitch black of the sky. She was suffocating, her heart beginning to race - the moonlight only emphasized the dark, white glinting coldly off sharp edges, creating black shadows that ran thickly through the leaves and hunted them, hunted them -
Breathing was getting difficult, her chest constricting as she tried to resist the urge to look behind her -
She had always managed to hide this before but this time...this time all those forbidden thoughts she hoped she had banished came back and tore at her mind -
- and she found that her carefully kept, neutral-bordering-on-stern countenance was taking more effort to keep up, that her fingers were tightening unreasonably around her kunai, that she was biting her lip to stop her face from twisting up in fear -
Fear was a weakness. Fear of darkness...was ridiculous. Tenten silently raged at herself weak you’re being weak, you’re being so fucking weak, Neji will see that you are afraid you are AFRAID of this you are a Kunoichi you CANNOT be AFRAID you CANNOT be WEAK-
“Tenten.”
She let out her breath in a soft gasp, turning her head away from him. Trying to keep up her façade of calm and confidence but she could only see the dark, the shadows, the threat of her past coming out of the blackness and killing her again -
“Tenten.” A hand on her shoulders and she spun around to face him, jerking to a sudden stop. And still she did not say anything, still she refused to show that she was affected at all.
Neji looked down at her coolly. Neji, the perfect warrior, the Hyuuga prodigy who’s cold, collected confidence and strength Tenten admired and craved for.
“You are frightened.”
She stiffened and stared adamantly into his eyes, her hands bunched into fists.
“Never.”
Never. Not in front of Neji. She would rather go through fire and ice before she would ever let herself seem weak in front of anyone, much less Neji, and risk -
“Don’t be stupid.” His voice was harsher now. “You are frightened. Tell me what it is.”
Silence from Tenten. How would he ever understand? Waking up alone in her apartment, fumbling in the dark since she was a child, alone, so alone with no one to hold her at night or sing her to sleep, no one to comfort her when the shadows on the wall seemed to be sliding across the floor towards her choking her, hiding her in their absence of light forever -
- dragging her into that pit her parents had fallen into so, so long ago -
“It’s just...a bit dark. That’s all.” Her voice came out small, quieter than she had hoped it would be. She scowled, keeping her chin up stubbornly. “I am not weak, Neji.” She said scathingly.
“...You are afraid of the dark.” He sounded disbelieving.
And even she couldn’t argue this time. She was afraid-
“Why?”
She stared wordlessly at the ground.
“Tenten. You risk impeding our mission with your fear. You are being foolish.”
Choking back her tears but...what was the point? She had already showed him, Neji, the most important person in her life, that she was weak.
Silence. And then -
“Do you think that I wouldn’t protect you?” His voice was angry.
Tenten was too furious with herself to be surprised at his words.
“Damn it, Neji!” her head snapped up and she glared at him. “I don’t want to be protected, can’t you see? I hate being afraid, I -“
“Hn.” He cut her off abruptly, an odd expression on his face.
“Neji - “
“Forget it.”
“You think that me being afraid of the dark is being weak, don’t you?“
“...yes.” He turned away and began running on.
Tenten felt her heart begin to crack.
-----------
They did not exchange words for the rest of their mission. Hand signals and short glances sufficed as they approached the village and prepared to slit the throat of the missing nin believed to reside there.
Tenten knew he did not want to speak to her.
They had completed their mission by the time the sun emerged from the mist in a blurry, wet dawn; by midnight the next day they were halfway back to Konoha. The pitch black surrounded them once more as they stumbled tiredly through the trees.
“We’ll rest here.”
Tenten nodded and settled down awkwardly near him, slowly pulling out her hair from the tight buns, combing through the brown tresses with her fingers.
“Neji?”
“Hn.”
And Tenten found herself at a loss to what to say next. The day had been spent with her struggling between her wounded pride, humiliation, anger and hurt; it pained her that Neji was disappointed in her, and yet she did not blame him - after all, she lacked the strength of a true kunoichi.
“I’m sorry.” She wanted Neji to know that ...she wished she could be braver.
He did not reply for a long moment.
“...Neji?”
“Go to sleep.”
She pulled back, stung. Afraid she would lose control, she bit back a sob savagely, picked herself up and stalked off to where he couldn’t see her, all too aware of the dark but flinging herself onto the nearest tree, willing herself not to cry. Gradually she slid down until she was lying down on the ground.
-----------
She knew she had made a mistake. Alone, in the dark, all the wild, panicked thoughts rushed into her head and try as she might she could not stop herself from curling up into a tight ball, or shivering at the slightest sound. And she was sinking again, back into the fear, back into the darkness…..she whimpered softly, defeated.
She was a failure.
And then a figure settled itself next to her on the ground. Jerking up on her elbows, she turned around and found herself staring at Neji, lying against the tree right next to her. Pale silver eyes met dark brown ones.
“Neji!”
“...Hn.”
A pause. He leaned back comfortably, arms crossed over his chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Go to sleep.”
“Neji!”
“You’re afraid of the dark.” He stated matter of factly. “You need to rest. I doubt you would be able to sleep if you were constantly worried.”
Another pause.
“So...?” She relaxed a little and leaned back next to him.
An irritated snort. “So, I’m here.”
“...You’re here.”
“Hn.”
“...”
To her surprise he shifted a little closer to her, so their shoulders almost touched. Almost.
“Just go to sleep now.” He stared straight ahead, not looking at her. But his voice was softer.
Tenten closed her eyes.
-----------
She woke a while later. Neji was still by her side. Still alert, watching over her.
Protecting her? She wondered.
He glanced down. “You’re awake.”
She nodded and sat up. “You can rest now. You must be tired. I’ll keep watch.”
He eyed her keenly for a moment before shifting his weight into a more comfortable position on the ground.
Tenten prepared to leave him and give him some privacy. After all, she thought with a bitter smile, he didn’t need someone to watch over him, to drive away his fears so he could sleep...he didn’t even have any fears.
She picked herself off the ground and turned away.
“Where are you going?”
She looked down at him. His eyes were half-closed. Maybe he thought she still needed his company.
Well, she did. But...
“It’s fine. I don’t have to stay near you all the time.” she swallowed. “Might as well face my fear huh?” Her voice hardened a little. “Since it’s a weakness.”
She took a small step away.
“Tenten...”
“Yea?” She could sense him hesitating and frowned. Neji was never good at verbalizing how he felt, what he thought.
“Fear is a weakness, yes.” there was no trace of disappointment or disgust in his voice. “You being afraid of the dark is a failing, yes. But...Tenten, I’m here.”
She did not reply, confused, and he continued.
“I’m here. So you don’t have to be afraid. So you’re not weak.”
She began to see what he was getting at. He was there...so she could be strong. If her fear was a weakness, then he supplied the strength. Tenten was at once affronted by his suggestion of her dependency on him and touched that he was trying to comfort her. In his own way.
“I see.” She said quietly. “...Thankyou. But well, my only problem was that it prevented me from getting to sleep...since I’ve rested now, I might as well let you be alone for a while.”
“Tenten...”
“I don’t like it. Being weak, being dependant on other people for protection or reassurance.” She ran slender fingers through her hair, tired. “But you wouldn’t know this feeling, would you? I hate it - “
“I don’t like it either.” He replied softly. “Which is why I would prefer it if you were here.”
“...huh?” she stared at him. His eyes were fully closed now, and he lay on the floor as if already asleep. But she could see the tension in his shoulders and she drew near him again, confused.
“I dislike the feeling of being weak as much as you do.” He repeated evenly.
Her eyes widened as she realized what he was trying to say. Neji was also afraid.
Neji was afraid...
But of what?
She narrowed her eyes suddenly. “Neji...you’re not afraid of the dark as well are you?”
He snorted. “No.”
“Oh...then what are you afraid of?” She scooted closer to him, intrigued.
“...Hn.” ........Being unable to protect you when I’m not nearby. You getting hurt.
Losing you.
The corners of her mouth twitched. Maybe he would tell her someday. For now, she felt calm. Neji wasn’t disappointed in her after all. Relief and an overwhelming sense of hope for herself flooded through her as she watched him.
She didn’t have to be weak. Because with him, she was strong.
He didn’t have to be weak either. Not that she would ever think of Neji as ‘weak’...but now that she realized he wasn’t entirely fearless......
Tenten smiled.
With her, Neji was strong.
She lay down next to him, so close that their shoulders almost touched. Almost.
“I’m here.”
END.
There are not many things that could frighten Tenten.
Not blood.
Not pain.
Not even the thought of fighting several highly skilled shinobi at once.
After all, she was a kunoichi - a strong one at that, a fighter of liquid metal, steel and blade.
Fear...was a weakness. Tenten did not tolerate weakness.
-----------
She felt like she was drowning in the dark. She could see faintly the outlines of the trees that surrounded them as they ran on, the roots that broke up the dirt path, branches that hung heavily down, merging with the pitch black of the sky. She was suffocating, her heart beginning to race - the moonlight only emphasized the dark, white glinting coldly off sharp edges, creating black shadows that ran thickly through the leaves and hunted them, hunted them -
Breathing was getting difficult, her chest constricting as she tried to resist the urge to look behind her -
She had always managed to hide this before but this time...this time all those forbidden thoughts she hoped she had banished came back and tore at her mind -
- and she found that her carefully kept, neutral-bordering-on-stern countenance was taking more effort to keep up, that her fingers were tightening unreasonably around her kunai, that she was biting her lip to stop her face from twisting up in fear -
Fear was a weakness. Fear of darkness...was ridiculous. Tenten silently raged at herself weak you’re being weak, you’re being so fucking weak, Neji will see that you are afraid you are AFRAID of this you are a Kunoichi you CANNOT be AFRAID you CANNOT be WEAK-
“Tenten.”
She let out her breath in a soft gasp, turning her head away from him. Trying to keep up her façade of calm and confidence but she could only see the dark, the shadows, the threat of her past coming out of the blackness and killing her again -
“Tenten.” A hand on her shoulders and she spun around to face him, jerking to a sudden stop. And still she did not say anything, still she refused to show that she was affected at all.
Neji looked down at her coolly. Neji, the perfect warrior, the Hyuuga prodigy who’s cold, collected confidence and strength Tenten admired and craved for.
“You are frightened.”
She stiffened and stared adamantly into his eyes, her hands bunched into fists.
“Never.”
Never. Not in front of Neji. She would rather go through fire and ice before she would ever let herself seem weak in front of anyone, much less Neji, and risk -
“Don’t be stupid.” His voice was harsher now. “You are frightened. Tell me what it is.”
Silence from Tenten. How would he ever understand? Waking up alone in her apartment, fumbling in the dark since she was a child, alone, so alone with no one to hold her at night or sing her to sleep, no one to comfort her when the shadows on the wall seemed to be sliding across the floor towards her choking her, hiding her in their absence of light forever -
- dragging her into that pit her parents had fallen into so, so long ago -
“It’s just...a bit dark. That’s all.” Her voice came out small, quieter than she had hoped it would be. She scowled, keeping her chin up stubbornly. “I am not weak, Neji.” She said scathingly.
“...You are afraid of the dark.” He sounded disbelieving.
And even she couldn’t argue this time. She was afraid-
“Why?”
She stared wordlessly at the ground.
“Tenten. You risk impeding our mission with your fear. You are being foolish.”
Choking back her tears but...what was the point? She had already showed him, Neji, the most important person in her life, that she was weak.
Silence. And then -
“Do you think that I wouldn’t protect you?” His voice was angry.
Tenten was too furious with herself to be surprised at his words.
“Damn it, Neji!” her head snapped up and she glared at him. “I don’t want to be protected, can’t you see? I hate being afraid, I -“
“Hn.” He cut her off abruptly, an odd expression on his face.
“Neji - “
“Forget it.”
“You think that me being afraid of the dark is being weak, don’t you?“
“...yes.” He turned away and began running on.
Tenten felt her heart begin to crack.
-----------
They did not exchange words for the rest of their mission. Hand signals and short glances sufficed as they approached the village and prepared to slit the throat of the missing nin believed to reside there.
Tenten knew he did not want to speak to her.
They had completed their mission by the time the sun emerged from the mist in a blurry, wet dawn; by midnight the next day they were halfway back to Konoha. The pitch black surrounded them once more as they stumbled tiredly through the trees.
“We’ll rest here.”
Tenten nodded and settled down awkwardly near him, slowly pulling out her hair from the tight buns, combing through the brown tresses with her fingers.
“Neji?”
“Hn.”
And Tenten found herself at a loss to what to say next. The day had been spent with her struggling between her wounded pride, humiliation, anger and hurt; it pained her that Neji was disappointed in her, and yet she did not blame him - after all, she lacked the strength of a true kunoichi.
“I’m sorry.” She wanted Neji to know that ...she wished she could be braver.
He did not reply for a long moment.
“...Neji?”
“Go to sleep.”
She pulled back, stung. Afraid she would lose control, she bit back a sob savagely, picked herself up and stalked off to where he couldn’t see her, all too aware of the dark but flinging herself onto the nearest tree, willing herself not to cry. Gradually she slid down until she was lying down on the ground.
-----------
She knew she had made a mistake. Alone, in the dark, all the wild, panicked thoughts rushed into her head and try as she might she could not stop herself from curling up into a tight ball, or shivering at the slightest sound. And she was sinking again, back into the fear, back into the darkness…..she whimpered softly, defeated.
She was a failure.
And then a figure settled itself next to her on the ground. Jerking up on her elbows, she turned around and found herself staring at Neji, lying against the tree right next to her. Pale silver eyes met dark brown ones.
“Neji!”
“...Hn.”
A pause. He leaned back comfortably, arms crossed over his chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Go to sleep.”
“Neji!”
“You’re afraid of the dark.” He stated matter of factly. “You need to rest. I doubt you would be able to sleep if you were constantly worried.”
Another pause.
“So...?” She relaxed a little and leaned back next to him.
An irritated snort. “So, I’m here.”
“...You’re here.”
“Hn.”
“...”
To her surprise he shifted a little closer to her, so their shoulders almost touched. Almost.
“Just go to sleep now.” He stared straight ahead, not looking at her. But his voice was softer.
Tenten closed her eyes.
-----------
She woke a while later. Neji was still by her side. Still alert, watching over her.
Protecting her? She wondered.
He glanced down. “You’re awake.”
She nodded and sat up. “You can rest now. You must be tired. I’ll keep watch.”
He eyed her keenly for a moment before shifting his weight into a more comfortable position on the ground.
Tenten prepared to leave him and give him some privacy. After all, she thought with a bitter smile, he didn’t need someone to watch over him, to drive away his fears so he could sleep...he didn’t even have any fears.
She picked herself off the ground and turned away.
“Where are you going?”
She looked down at him. His eyes were half-closed. Maybe he thought she still needed his company.
Well, she did. But...
“It’s fine. I don’t have to stay near you all the time.” she swallowed. “Might as well face my fear huh?” Her voice hardened a little. “Since it’s a weakness.”
She took a small step away.
“Tenten...”
“Yea?” She could sense him hesitating and frowned. Neji was never good at verbalizing how he felt, what he thought.
“Fear is a weakness, yes.” there was no trace of disappointment or disgust in his voice. “You being afraid of the dark is a failing, yes. But...Tenten, I’m here.”
She did not reply, confused, and he continued.
“I’m here. So you don’t have to be afraid. So you’re not weak.”
She began to see what he was getting at. He was there...so she could be strong. If her fear was a weakness, then he supplied the strength. Tenten was at once affronted by his suggestion of her dependency on him and touched that he was trying to comfort her. In his own way.
“I see.” She said quietly. “...Thankyou. But well, my only problem was that it prevented me from getting to sleep...since I’ve rested now, I might as well let you be alone for a while.”
“Tenten...”
“I don’t like it. Being weak, being dependant on other people for protection or reassurance.” She ran slender fingers through her hair, tired. “But you wouldn’t know this feeling, would you? I hate it - “
“I don’t like it either.” He replied softly. “Which is why I would prefer it if you were here.”
“...huh?” she stared at him. His eyes were fully closed now, and he lay on the floor as if already asleep. But she could see the tension in his shoulders and she drew near him again, confused.
“I dislike the feeling of being weak as much as you do.” He repeated evenly.
Her eyes widened as she realized what he was trying to say. Neji was also afraid.
Neji was afraid...
But of what?
She narrowed her eyes suddenly. “Neji...you’re not afraid of the dark as well are you?”
He snorted. “No.”
“Oh...then what are you afraid of?” She scooted closer to him, intrigued.
“...Hn.” ........Being unable to protect you when I’m not nearby. You getting hurt.
Losing you.
The corners of her mouth twitched. Maybe he would tell her someday. For now, she felt calm. Neji wasn’t disappointed in her after all. Relief and an overwhelming sense of hope for herself flooded through her as she watched him.
She didn’t have to be weak. Because with him, she was strong.
He didn’t have to be weak either. Not that she would ever think of Neji as ‘weak’...but now that she realized he wasn’t entirely fearless......
Tenten smiled.
With her, Neji was strong.
She lay down next to him, so close that their shoulders almost touched. Almost.
“I’m here.”
END.