that girl.
i'm sure all you guys have one.
ladies, i'm not so sure, because i'm still not totally clear on how women think.
but guys, for reasons i'll withhold for right now, assuredly have one.
that girl.
the one that, no matter how hard you try to forget, runs through your mind every once in a while. when you see her, you feel-- different.
your breathing gets a little erractic, maybe even afraid you might be blushing a bit.
she sticks to your mind and deep, deep down in your heart no matter how you try to shake her away.
you lie to your current girlfriends and even wives about how there's no one else for you but them.
but it's really her.
the difference between "that girl" and scarlett johansson is "that girl" is tangible. very tangible. sometimes, so much, that it hurts.
but no matter the difference between us boys, we can't touch her. one reason or the other, we just can't.
for some of us, that girl is a friend. one who just doesn't like you like that. for others, it's "that girl" that you always watch from afar, admiration and longing beaming from every pore.
for the unluckiest of the bunch, it's the fact that you've gone out with "that girl", but she dumped your ass and she's as intangible as ever.
for me, it's that old friend-of-a-friend deal. tangible, but oh-so-not.
ever since high school, she's been my "that girl".
beautiful smile; wide, gorgeous eyes; that slight, almost shy voice. a very calming demeanor, too.
i was sitting at the bus stop today, waiting for a ride down to the gym, when i heard a voice call my name.
"joe!"
i turned on my heels and had that moment where your eyes scan frantically across random faces until it finds a familiar one.
the calling came from a friend, who also happened to be one of my best friend's sister. we approached each other til our smiles met within greeting distance.
suddenly i realized she was walking with someone.
"good god." i thought to myself.
it was my "that girl". surprisingly enough, my knees didn't turn to butter, and my face didn't flush (yes, i checked).
but my heart did something strange.
and then she smiled at me.
the strangeness in my heart grew tenfold, but i pursed my lips so as to not make a fool of myself, as i usually do.
i made small talk with my friend and stole occasional glances at my "that girl".
when we finally parted ways, it wasn't till then that i realized that i had an idiotic grin on my face. i tried to part ways with it, but it felt as if it were more of a muscle cramp that i could not control, rather than something voluntary.
i sighed heavily as i made sure i didn't do something creepy, like watch them as they walked away.
then something came over me. i was irked. annoyed. even vexed.
how could God anoint such power over a human being to another human being?
it didn't seem fair. i hadn't seen her face in years yet i was still captivated by her. she probably barely remembers who i was (although she did admit to remembering who i was, which made me secretly happy), but she's still in my mind from time to time or whenever i want to think of the perfect woman.
but seeing her also made me realize something else.
probably something more important.
it made me realize that i would never want to be "that girl"'s boyfriend. i know you're probably saying "BULLSHIT. you'd hop on that first chance you got. either that, or you're fucking retarded!"
but it's not that easy. i'd much rather have her be "that girl" then get into some relationship with her, have her dump me because i did something (or nothing at all), then have her be the different/worst type of "that girl".
now, this is all clearly hypothetical nonsense, since she would never date a guy like me. and even if she would, it wouldn't be me: it'd be a guy like me but better-looking, smarter, sexier, funnier, etc., etc.
so i guess all of this was just to say how my "that girl" will always be "that girl".
*shrug*