so much that i can say to you with affection that i burn inside
so i just got this really sick feeling in my stomach. not like...throw up sick.
like butterflies in my stomach. the kind of feeling i feel when i miss something.
the kind of feeling i feel when i feel incomplete.
it's so strange how someone can go from feeling the greatest ever, to this.
i feel like i'm missing out on things. i have this feeling that i will never live up to my dreams. and that scares me.
because the only thing i hold on to, are my dreams. they make me feel alive. they make me feel like i can do anything possible in the world.
do anything or be anyone.
i want to sing. i do. i sing every chance i get. it runs in my blood. i would die without music or the ability to sing. i express myself through certain songs. i want to live music. but its not going to be possible. i can't do it. i can't make a living unless i teach it or become a big broadway star or a big folk/indie singer.
i don't want to teach it. and i won't become big...i don't have what it takes.
i am so envious of my friends. these two friends in particular. they act. i want to act so badly. they have what it takes to go into an audition and get the part. its just in their blood. what i would do to be able to be like that. these past 2 years i have missed the auditions for fall play. and they didn't put me in theatre arts and gave me study hall instead. i want to be in movies. i want to write them too. i really do. i have this passion for getting my message out to the world through writing screenplays. yet i can never finish them, and they all would probably get rejected.
i just want to be discovered. whether it be by music, acting, writing films, or politics, i want my voice out there in the world. i am so tired of being this stupid 15 year old teenager that no one wants to hear my voice or my thoughts or my work or my writings or my opininons. its just tiring. it really is. i get headaches just thinking about it because i have so fucking much to say. too much. i would pour my heart out if just someone out there would listen to me or give me a chance. more like give me a chance.
and i wish i could be in a musical like RENT. i'm tired of stupid innocent censored highschool musicals. i want to be in RENT. because its bold. it doesn't hide anything. its pure. its honest. its love. its friendship. its struggle and hope and dignity and happiness. its all i need right now. i wish i could get to people like Jonathan got to people through RENT. that is what i am talking about when i say i want to get my voice out there. i want people to listen to what i say. i wish i could write something as bold and powerful and moving as RENT.
like butterflies in my stomach. the kind of feeling i feel when i miss something.
the kind of feeling i feel when i feel incomplete.
it's so strange how someone can go from feeling the greatest ever, to this.
i feel like i'm missing out on things. i have this feeling that i will never live up to my dreams. and that scares me.
because the only thing i hold on to, are my dreams. they make me feel alive. they make me feel like i can do anything possible in the world.
do anything or be anyone.
i want to sing. i do. i sing every chance i get. it runs in my blood. i would die without music or the ability to sing. i express myself through certain songs. i want to live music. but its not going to be possible. i can't do it. i can't make a living unless i teach it or become a big broadway star or a big folk/indie singer.
i don't want to teach it. and i won't become big...i don't have what it takes.
i am so envious of my friends. these two friends in particular. they act. i want to act so badly. they have what it takes to go into an audition and get the part. its just in their blood. what i would do to be able to be like that. these past 2 years i have missed the auditions for fall play. and they didn't put me in theatre arts and gave me study hall instead. i want to be in movies. i want to write them too. i really do. i have this passion for getting my message out to the world through writing screenplays. yet i can never finish them, and they all would probably get rejected.
i just want to be discovered. whether it be by music, acting, writing films, or politics, i want my voice out there in the world. i am so tired of being this stupid 15 year old teenager that no one wants to hear my voice or my thoughts or my work or my writings or my opininons. its just tiring. it really is. i get headaches just thinking about it because i have so fucking much to say. too much. i would pour my heart out if just someone out there would listen to me or give me a chance. more like give me a chance.
and i wish i could be in a musical like RENT. i'm tired of stupid innocent censored highschool musicals. i want to be in RENT. because its bold. it doesn't hide anything. its pure. its honest. its love. its friendship. its struggle and hope and dignity and happiness. its all i need right now. i wish i could get to people like Jonathan got to people through RENT. that is what i am talking about when i say i want to get my voice out there. i want people to listen to what i say. i wish i could write something as bold and powerful and moving as RENT.