Driving in Shreveport will kill me.
The frequency of non-my-fault near-accidents has gone way the hell up since I started working in Shreveport. I've now come to terms with the fact that I need to wait a few seconds after the light turns green to go, otherwise I may get T-boned by the schmuck racing through the red light at every other intersection.
I've come to terms also with the fact that, if the car has a Lexus, Mercedes-Benz, or Infiniti logo on it, the driver will be retarded.
But here's where it gets ridiculous. I drove to McDonald's for lunch. I need to take a left into the parking lot. I slow down and turn on my left blinker (CRAZY I KNOW), and still the person coming out of the driveway starts edging out into traffic, as if they are going to turn into my lane after I pass. I had to stop for oncoming traffic (ALSO WACKY), so this asshat is stuck in the path of oncoming cars and giving me a dirty look. He swerves around behind me, then a beige old-school Benz (I HATE YOU ALL) flies up behind me, probably going 50 in a 35. Once the red car swerves around me, THEN they realize I'm sitting there with my blinker on waiting to turn left, and they slam on their brakes hard enough to lock up all four wheels. It was what looked to be an 80-year-old couple. Then when they can go around me, they blare their horn.
I had to flip off two senior citizens.
GODDAMMIT SHREVEPORT, YOUR CAR HAS DIRECTIONAL BLINKERS, WHICH YOU SHOULD USE TO SIGNAL OTHER DRIVERS AS TO WHICH WAY YOU PLAN ON TAKING YOUR VEHICLE. RED LIGHTS MEAN STOP. IF YOU'RE TURNING LEFT OUT OF A WIDE DRIVEWAY, USE THE LEFT HALF OF THE DRIVEWAY. IF YOU ARE TURNING RIGHT OUT OF A WIDE DRIVEWAY, USE THE RIGHT HALF. IN EITHER SITUATION, USE YOUR DIRECTIONAL BLINKERS. THEY COME STANDARD ON ALL MOTORIZED VEHICLES.
QUIT MAKING THOSE OF US WHO KNOW HOW TO DRIVE HAVE TO GUESS AT YOUR EVERY MOVE. QUIT CHECKING YOUR MAKEUP WHILE YOU DRIVE. PAY ATTENTION TO TRAFFIC AROUND YOU AND REACT ACCORDINGLY. CHECK YOUR GODDAMN BLIND SPOT. IF YOU ARE SPEEDING, DO NOT RIDE THE TAIL ENDS OF THOSE DOING THE SPEED LIMIT. ALSO, IF YOU ARE SPEEDING, DO NOT FLY UP ON THOSE DOING THE SPEED LIMIT AND CHANGE LANES RIGHT BEFORE YOU PLOW INTO THEM. IF YOU COULD NOT SEE THERE IS A CAR IN FRONT OF YOU, YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE DRIVING.
IF THIS WERE TEXAS, I COULD CARRY A WEAPON IN MY CAR AND USE IT ON YOU IF YOU ENDANGER MY LIVELIHOOD WITH YOUR DRIVING.
I know this is a Shreveport brand of stupidity, because people in Bossier and Haughton OBEY TRAFFIC LAWS MORE THAN 33% OF THE TIME.
I've driven in Milwaukee, which is full of pitted roads from ice cracking the pavement. I've driven in Chicago, which is full of people who will kill you for your parking space. I've driven in Houston, the fourth largest city in America. I've driven in Savannah, with more one-way roads than you could count in a reasonable amount of time. But the only city where I need blood-pressure medication and Xanax to drive is Shreveport.
*scream*
I've come to terms also with the fact that, if the car has a Lexus, Mercedes-Benz, or Infiniti logo on it, the driver will be retarded.
But here's where it gets ridiculous. I drove to McDonald's for lunch. I need to take a left into the parking lot. I slow down and turn on my left blinker (CRAZY I KNOW), and still the person coming out of the driveway starts edging out into traffic, as if they are going to turn into my lane after I pass. I had to stop for oncoming traffic (ALSO WACKY), so this asshat is stuck in the path of oncoming cars and giving me a dirty look. He swerves around behind me, then a beige old-school Benz (I HATE YOU ALL) flies up behind me, probably going 50 in a 35. Once the red car swerves around me, THEN they realize I'm sitting there with my blinker on waiting to turn left, and they slam on their brakes hard enough to lock up all four wheels. It was what looked to be an 80-year-old couple. Then when they can go around me, they blare their horn.
I had to flip off two senior citizens.
GODDAMMIT SHREVEPORT, YOUR CAR HAS DIRECTIONAL BLINKERS, WHICH YOU SHOULD USE TO SIGNAL OTHER DRIVERS AS TO WHICH WAY YOU PLAN ON TAKING YOUR VEHICLE. RED LIGHTS MEAN STOP. IF YOU'RE TURNING LEFT OUT OF A WIDE DRIVEWAY, USE THE LEFT HALF OF THE DRIVEWAY. IF YOU ARE TURNING RIGHT OUT OF A WIDE DRIVEWAY, USE THE RIGHT HALF. IN EITHER SITUATION, USE YOUR DIRECTIONAL BLINKERS. THEY COME STANDARD ON ALL MOTORIZED VEHICLES.
QUIT MAKING THOSE OF US WHO KNOW HOW TO DRIVE HAVE TO GUESS AT YOUR EVERY MOVE. QUIT CHECKING YOUR MAKEUP WHILE YOU DRIVE. PAY ATTENTION TO TRAFFIC AROUND YOU AND REACT ACCORDINGLY. CHECK YOUR GODDAMN BLIND SPOT. IF YOU ARE SPEEDING, DO NOT RIDE THE TAIL ENDS OF THOSE DOING THE SPEED LIMIT. ALSO, IF YOU ARE SPEEDING, DO NOT FLY UP ON THOSE DOING THE SPEED LIMIT AND CHANGE LANES RIGHT BEFORE YOU PLOW INTO THEM. IF YOU COULD NOT SEE THERE IS A CAR IN FRONT OF YOU, YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE DRIVING.
IF THIS WERE TEXAS, I COULD CARRY A WEAPON IN MY CAR AND USE IT ON YOU IF YOU ENDANGER MY LIVELIHOOD WITH YOUR DRIVING.
I know this is a Shreveport brand of stupidity, because people in Bossier and Haughton OBEY TRAFFIC LAWS MORE THAN 33% OF THE TIME.
I've driven in Milwaukee, which is full of pitted roads from ice cracking the pavement. I've driven in Chicago, which is full of people who will kill you for your parking space. I've driven in Houston, the fourth largest city in America. I've driven in Savannah, with more one-way roads than you could count in a reasonable amount of time. But the only city where I need blood-pressure medication and Xanax to drive is Shreveport.
*scream*