when i am with you, i feel a little brave
Coming home is strange to me these days. I live at the apartment most of the time, but I come spend the night at the house a couple times a week usually. This is because with nothing to do but talk to people online and watch stuff on Netflix, it gets very boring and lonely at the apartment and I start getting really antsy or depressed and feel like I need to be around real people or go crazy. So I come home. Not a whole lot has changed, the house still feels like home, I love sleeping on a real bed instead of a futon, and the basement is still freezing so I pile on three blankets and feel like I'm sleeping in a cloud. I spend time with Angel and laugh, I hug my mom, I eat home-cooked food. The thing that's changed is the same thing that's been changing since I moved home -- this house is no longer the peaceful, tension-free home it used to be.
I see my mom cry every time I come home. She looks older now, tired all the time. None of the little kids will mention Dad when she's around. The TV is always on, nobody plays outside anymore. The kids don't have their friends over for dinner; it used to seem like an evening could hardly go by when we weren't setting another place for dinner. It's strange, and I don't like it. I hate feeling tense every time I come over here. Still, it's better than the aching loneliness I feel when I'm at the apartment.
I've been thinking about that stupid sci-fi novel I was writing for a long time and wondering if I should work on it more. It would give me something to do. Then again, if I did, I'd never stop listening to Bush.
I see my mom cry every time I come home. She looks older now, tired all the time. None of the little kids will mention Dad when she's around. The TV is always on, nobody plays outside anymore. The kids don't have their friends over for dinner; it used to seem like an evening could hardly go by when we weren't setting another place for dinner. It's strange, and I don't like it. I hate feeling tense every time I come over here. Still, it's better than the aching loneliness I feel when I'm at the apartment.
I've been thinking about that stupid sci-fi novel I was writing for a long time and wondering if I should work on it more. It would give me something to do. Then again, if I did, I'd never stop listening to Bush.