(no subject)
SOOO tomorrow I have to go through yet another "funeral" or whatever you wanna call it. Yeah I dunno how I feel though cause I haven't cried at all yet about it. I feel sorta heartless....but I have a feeling when they start to talk about her it will hit me. In due time....Ruben's coming....yeah...He's so gorgeous it's unreal...GAH I am SOOOoooo done for. Ok something really funny..........This morning I was hanging out with him before school and he needed a belt so he borrowed his sister's and when he was putting it on I saw his skin like 2 centimenters and like I dunno my heart fell.....it was weird. You know like the feeling you get when you kiss someone for the first time....same thing......weird. SO I felt like poo today I was all pale (more pale than usual I know what you are thinking guys)....just all the color was all washed out I dunno I just got home and I was like "EHHH...no good" But anyways Mystery commenter for today is Ruben....DUH... I knew it though just didn't realize I knew it. OH!! When I ring people up at work my name comes out on the reciept...COOL HUH???....or not. BUt YEAH I had this dream last night that I was at a football game and I was with Ruben and we were hanging out behind the bleachers with some friends and like he started to kiss me....GAH I seriously need like some help lol. I feel like a loser though...for real I do. Like when I talk to him on the phone it feels like he doesn't want to talk to me and just my stupid little insecurities take over....that kind of thing. yeah I dunno...I wish we could hang out alone more yanno? Like I want to see if sparks still fly and whatnot. But I don't always get what I want...every once in awhile though I get lucky. Maybe soon I will be...maybe not....UNTIL THEN.....all I can do is wish***