Ficlet - End of Paradox
Title: End of Paradox
Author: Ry (dreamsforlease / curseangel
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, spoilers for Utopia/The Sound of Drums/The Last of the Time Lords.
Characters/Pairings: The Doctor (Tenth); mentioned: Captain Jack Harkness. Mild Jack/Doctor if you squint.
Summary: Jack is there, always there and always alive. The Doctor needs to feel that, but he doesn't dare ask.
He hurt - ached with something he could not entirely quantify. The pain settled just between his hearts, a steady, ironic drumming that threatened with every beat to shatter him entirely. He wanted almost desperately to let himself collapse, to cling to Jack - he was there, really there, always alive, always strong - but he couldn't, had to hold back and hold on to himself. Jack was hurt, too - had been hurt so many times, and in the end, it was his fault. As much as he wanted to fall apart, and let Jack pick up the pieces, it simply wouldn't be fair to him - it wouldn't be right. And Jack wouldn't want to witness him grieving for the man who had tortured them both, tortured everyone on the planet. But the Doctor grieved anyway, and he did it silently, with a smile for everyone else to let them now, "Yes, I'm glad it's over, it's okay now."
It wasn't okay. He felt like he was dying, only without the chance of regeneration, without even the remotest chance of ending it quickly. He went back to the TARDIS as soon as he could, escaping dinner and sleep and the last night on the massive airship, retreating. He pulled off the grated paneling that the Master had set up around the console, shoving it away and pulling at the extra wires. Dismantling the Paradox Machine haphazardly, desperate to free his beautiful machine. But it didn't take long for tears to blur his vision until he could no longer continue, sitting curled up in a nest of wires and metal, his knees drawn up to his chest like a frightened child.
Hours later, Jack might find him there, tangled in wires with the tracks of tears still obvious on his cheeks, fast asleep.
Author: Ry (dreamsforlease / curseangel
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, spoilers for Utopia/The Sound of Drums/The Last of the Time Lords.
Characters/Pairings: The Doctor (Tenth); mentioned: Captain Jack Harkness. Mild Jack/Doctor if you squint.
Summary: Jack is there, always there and always alive. The Doctor needs to feel that, but he doesn't dare ask.
He hurt - ached with something he could not entirely quantify. The pain settled just between his hearts, a steady, ironic drumming that threatened with every beat to shatter him entirely. He wanted almost desperately to let himself collapse, to cling to Jack - he was there, really there, always alive, always strong - but he couldn't, had to hold back and hold on to himself. Jack was hurt, too - had been hurt so many times, and in the end, it was his fault. As much as he wanted to fall apart, and let Jack pick up the pieces, it simply wouldn't be fair to him - it wouldn't be right. And Jack wouldn't want to witness him grieving for the man who had tortured them both, tortured everyone on the planet. But the Doctor grieved anyway, and he did it silently, with a smile for everyone else to let them now, "Yes, I'm glad it's over, it's okay now."
It wasn't okay. He felt like he was dying, only without the chance of regeneration, without even the remotest chance of ending it quickly. He went back to the TARDIS as soon as he could, escaping dinner and sleep and the last night on the massive airship, retreating. He pulled off the grated paneling that the Master had set up around the console, shoving it away and pulling at the extra wires. Dismantling the Paradox Machine haphazardly, desperate to free his beautiful machine. But it didn't take long for tears to blur his vision until he could no longer continue, sitting curled up in a nest of wires and metal, his knees drawn up to his chest like a frightened child.
Hours later, Jack might find him there, tangled in wires with the tracks of tears still obvious on his cheeks, fast asleep.