Fic - 'S a Bitch
Title: 'S a Bitch
Author: Ry (curseangel / dreamsforlease)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Oh, god. Implied spoilers for 4x18: "The Monster at the End of This Book". Incestual themes. UTTER CRACK. Creepy Incest Girl. Crying Girl Death of Shame. Really Pissed Off Sam. Sam is totally making the Bitchface (tm) throughout this fic.
Characters/Pairings: Sam and Dean Winchester, Creepy Incest Girl (OC).
Summary: Dean makes a promise and then he and Sam both have to keep it. Complete crack. Do not take this seriously. At all. Remotely. Yes, Sam and Dean would kill me for this. Why, you ask? You'll see.
Okay, but seriously, the next time Dean Winchester gets it into his head to tell a hot chick he'll do "anything" she wants him to, Sam is going to have to kill him. It would not necessarily be the first time that his brother's died, but it would probably be the messiest if he ever even thinks about putting him through this again.
The girl in question was weird publisher lady's secretary, and she was, as it happened, a huge fan. Which would have been kinda cool, at least as far as "getting laid potential" went, if she hadn't been one of those fans, and hence Dean's opening his stupid mouth and Sam seriously debating the logistics of duct taping his brother to the roof of the Impala for the next three hundred miles.
Of course, her request skeeves them both the hell out, but she's really hot and she keeps squealing something in this really annoying voice about how Dean promised, and he wouldn't break his promise, would he? Protesting that he'd never used the word 'promise' just got the girl looking at them like they'd just skinned and gutted her favorite puppy alive, and really, who the hell can stand being looked at like that for very long? So of course they gave in.
For those who've never done it - and one can assume that's most people, really - kissing one's brother is probably up there with "being the captive audience for demon porn" and "mating rituals of the jackalope" on the weird and freaky scale. Being asked to - and having to, or face crying girl death of shame - make out with one's brother probably tops both of those and makes it up to "walking in on your dad screwing the landlady when you're eight" on the scale. Even trying is probably the most embarrassing, freaky thing Sam's ever done, and that's in a long and varied career of embarrassing and freaky.
Less than forty seconds later (yes, he's counting) - not really long enough for it to even really be called a kiss, Dean pulls back like something bit him and flashes the girl a grin that's totally not freaked out at all, and Sam vows to punch him just as soon as they're out of eyeshot of Creepy Incest Girl. Hard. It doesn't really help that Creepy Incest Girl is looking at Dean like they had just decided to eat the aforementioned puppy. She opens her mouth, and Dean gives her that smile and quips, "Sorry, I just can't work with him. It's impossible."
They don't stick around, mostly because she looks stunned and Sam grabs Dean's arm to pull him out before she regains consciousness. Sam's kind of pissed, and manages to smack his brother on the back of the head on the way to the car, and Dean says, "Oh, come on, Sammy. That was pretty funny."
Sam begs to differ, and snags the keys to drive back, because Dean so owes him now, and there is no way he is getting out of this. "If you ever pull that again," he says, slow, as the car starts up, "I am going to kill you."
"You are not," Dean contests with a smirk, pulling the door closed. Sam can tell he's kind of irked by the seat reversal, but as far as he's concerned, that's just tough. "You love me and you know it."
"Dean!"
So he's probably asking for that look. Payback's a bitch.
Author: Ry (curseangel / dreamsforlease)
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Oh, god. Implied spoilers for 4x18: "The Monster at the End of This Book". Incestual themes. UTTER CRACK. Creepy Incest Girl. Crying Girl Death of Shame. Really Pissed Off Sam. Sam is totally making the Bitchface (tm) throughout this fic.
Characters/Pairings: Sam and Dean Winchester, Creepy Incest Girl (OC).
Summary: Dean makes a promise and then he and Sam both have to keep it. Complete crack. Do not take this seriously. At all. Remotely. Yes, Sam and Dean would kill me for this. Why, you ask? You'll see.
Okay, but seriously, the next time Dean Winchester gets it into his head to tell a hot chick he'll do "anything" she wants him to, Sam is going to have to kill him. It would not necessarily be the first time that his brother's died, but it would probably be the messiest if he ever even thinks about putting him through this again.
The girl in question was weird publisher lady's secretary, and she was, as it happened, a huge fan. Which would have been kinda cool, at least as far as "getting laid potential" went, if she hadn't been one of those fans, and hence Dean's opening his stupid mouth and Sam seriously debating the logistics of duct taping his brother to the roof of the Impala for the next three hundred miles.
Of course, her request skeeves them both the hell out, but she's really hot and she keeps squealing something in this really annoying voice about how Dean promised, and he wouldn't break his promise, would he? Protesting that he'd never used the word 'promise' just got the girl looking at them like they'd just skinned and gutted her favorite puppy alive, and really, who the hell can stand being looked at like that for very long? So of course they gave in.
For those who've never done it - and one can assume that's most people, really - kissing one's brother is probably up there with "being the captive audience for demon porn" and "mating rituals of the jackalope" on the weird and freaky scale. Being asked to - and having to, or face crying girl death of shame - make out with one's brother probably tops both of those and makes it up to "walking in on your dad screwing the landlady when you're eight" on the scale. Even trying is probably the most embarrassing, freaky thing Sam's ever done, and that's in a long and varied career of embarrassing and freaky.
Less than forty seconds later (yes, he's counting) - not really long enough for it to even really be called a kiss, Dean pulls back like something bit him and flashes the girl a grin that's totally not freaked out at all, and Sam vows to punch him just as soon as they're out of eyeshot of Creepy Incest Girl. Hard. It doesn't really help that Creepy Incest Girl is looking at Dean like they had just decided to eat the aforementioned puppy. She opens her mouth, and Dean gives her that smile and quips, "Sorry, I just can't work with him. It's impossible."
They don't stick around, mostly because she looks stunned and Sam grabs Dean's arm to pull him out before she regains consciousness. Sam's kind of pissed, and manages to smack his brother on the back of the head on the way to the car, and Dean says, "Oh, come on, Sammy. That was pretty funny."
Sam begs to differ, and snags the keys to drive back, because Dean so owes him now, and there is no way he is getting out of this. "If you ever pull that again," he says, slow, as the car starts up, "I am going to kill you."
"You are not," Dean contests with a smirk, pulling the door closed. Sam can tell he's kind of irked by the seat reversal, but as far as he's concerned, that's just tough. "You love me and you know it."
"Dean!"
So he's probably asking for that look. Payback's a bitch.