Ambivalence, update 9
Ambivalence, chapter 9
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: Shirley/Lelouch
A/N: Not work safe. Mature situations ahead.
The phone call from her mother on an early Saturday woke her up.
“Mm, yeah, hi,” she mumbled when she pressed the button to answer.
Shirley didn’t catch much of the one sided conversation, but understood the words “Get up and come home.” She fell off the bed in an ungraceful heap when she rolled on her side.
It was not the best morning she’d had in a while.
-
The glass of orange juice in her hands was slightly warm in her hands as she sipped it slowly, trying to pay attention. The stern look in her mother’s expression had her feeling like a misbehaving five-year-old being scolded.
“Have you given any thought to what you want to do after graduating?” Mrs. Fenette asked.
Shirley fiddled with the hem of her shirt, all drowsiness gone, replaced by a bit of the rush she felt when the whistle sounded during swim practice.
“I was wondering about going abroad maybe,” she improvised on the spot. “I still haven’t decided what I like more-history or writing.”
Her mother’s face softened. She turned around to reach for something in a bag and produced a stack of papers, about a foot thick.
“Whatever you decide,” Mrs. Fenette said, pushing the pile toward Shirley. “Just know that your father and I wanted you to pursue something you loved.”
The kiss on Shirley’s forehead left her deep in thought as she looked at the covers of overseas universities.
-
Her mother’s words echoed back at her during the waking moments of too-early morning, Shirley contemplated the bright covers and smiling faces on grassy hills and imposing buildings. One brochure appeared the very image of an ivory tower-all whitewashed buildings and threatening architecture tailor made for serious academics. It was tossed off to the side.
Among the stack of literature bestowed upon her, she’d found a few that seemed suited to her taste: relaxed, community-oriented and highly regarded in the academic areas of history and journalism. A very few contained the extra perk of having a continent or two of distance to keep away from a certain boy.
Sometime mid-week, she made a list of her top five schools. Her hand reached out to the phone, dialing a familiar number.
“Hi mom,” she said after it rang several times. “I need a little help with scheduling times for school tours.”
A small vacation was clearly in order.
-
When Friday rolled around, Shirley was blissfully making her way to her dorm to read up on the latest edition of her favorite romance comic when she was intercepted by Milly and Nina.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Milly asked testily, hands on hips.
“Uh…” Shirley pointed in the opposite direction.
Both girls grabbed Shirley’s arms and dragged her to the student council room.
-
“I never agreed to be auctioned off!” Shirley protested.
Milly, who sometimes had selective deafness (but curiously never suffered from it), picked that moment to call that ailment forth.
“Here,” Milly said, sticking a safety pin with the number 11 on the lapel of her uniform jacket.
“You said the posters were just ads!” Shirley called out as Milly ran off to organize the line of participants. She wondered to herself how many had been unwillingly pulled into this scheme.
“We can’t have false advertisement, silly,” Milly chastised her.
As she conversed with her fellow prisoners, Shirley learned Milly had called meetings more often to get the last minute event on track in short notice. The idea had been announced on a Thursday and Milly had wanted it to be done by Friday of the following week.
The tasks of logistics, organization and marketing went unnoticed by Shirley, as she’d decided to forsake the entire project for the swim practice instead. Lelouch had somehow made time to show up and help with the budgeting and planning, she learned. By the time the day arrived, Shirley was one of the few who didn’t hate Milly’s guts on a professional level as it had been the most impromptu thing she’d ever planned and they’d barely met the deadline.
Escape attempts didn’t help as Shirley had the misfortune of being caught by a frazzled Nina or bossy Milly who herded her back in rank.
Microphone feedback screeched in everyone’s ears as Milly made her way to announce the beginning of the bids. The first victim, the captain of the polo club, made his way to the raised dais confidently.
Shirley didn’t hear the winning bid, but heard the gleeful screeches of the girl who’d bought him. She swallowed hard.
When her turn arrived, Shirley’s first impulse was to run in the opposite direction, but was blocked once more and forcibly turned around by the shoulders to walk forward.
Stage fright freezing her, she stood awkwardly on the dais as Milly blared out something. She felt her hand being taken by the blonde announcer, who raised arms and spun her around. Loud cheering and catcalls followed, scaring her more.
“And for Miss Shirley Fenette, swim team beauty and student council member, the opening bid starts at 70,” Milly said. “Do we have 70?”
A hand shot up somewhere near her. A boy with blue eyes she didn’t recognize.
“80,” a voice cried out further back.
Another hand raised in the crowd.
“90.”
“Come on, big spenders,” Milly encouraged, winking. “You should see her in a swimsuit. She’s quite a sight.”
Shirley blanched. Shut up, she mouthed to a grinning president who was enjoying her discomfort. The numbers continued to rise as more hands popped up in the multitude.
“100.”
“110.”
“120.”
“That’s the spirit,” Milly cheered, winking. “Who wants to take this lovely lady out on a date? Think about it, the spring dance is coming up and she’s bound to look amazing in a dress. I should know since I’ve already seen it.”
“250.”
“500,” said a familiar voice from a corner.
The bidding was immediately quieted, as no one dared to top that amount.
Rivalz smiled triumphantly as he walked forward to claim his prize.
Disappointment unexpectedly hit Shirley hard. She was so sure she’d heard someone else’s voice. Something deep and sweet rather than slightly screechy and endlessly upbeat.
Wishful thinking, idiot.
Despite the leaden feeling, Shirley graciously accepted his open hand as she stepped down from the podium. As she watched the rest of the proceedings, she wondered how it was that while Suzaku was bought off, Lelouch had never made it to the podium.
-
Exhaustion caught up to her, giving Lelouch the opening she didn’t know he had been waiting for. The following Thursday was especially brutal as she’d lacked enough rest to keep her concentrating properly.
Before getting more than two steps away in the morning rush to class, a hand around her elbow stopped her momentarily.
“Don’t forget we have to set up for chem lab,” Lelouch reminded her.
Shirley stared blankly ahead, nodding once.
“Right.”
She didn’t think to wonder why he bothered to remind her. Usually, it was the other way around, as she dispensed information on upcoming events to him. Exams, pop quizzes, student council and anything else to keep him in the loop.
-
Classroom duty called again. Thankfully, no glass apparatus was used for the daily lesson as she helped to straighten out the room. Instead, the supply of class chemicals needed to be organized and cataloged.
Shirley dutifully made notes on the clipboard, yawning every so often as he called out names and amounts. Her eyes were stony as she mechanically scribbled, wanting to finish quickly. They were nearing the end when he called out the final amounts of certain liquids whose names she promptly forgot.
“How’s your leg?” he asked suddenly, catching her off guard.
She looked up questioningly.
“It’s fine,” she answered blandly.
“Can I see?”
Her shoe rested on the edge of his seat, careful to angle herself so as not to give him an eyeful of blue striped underwear as she slipped her sock down. Graceful fingers skimmed across her calf, grabbing her limb lightly. His thumb slid over the thin line of that cut. The rest of her body went numb, save for the place his hand lingered which felt entirely too warm.
She wasn’t sure what exactly happened next, except that she noted how his face was more tan than she remembered so up close now that she was suddenly placed atop his knees, her skirt riding up in the process of unintentionally straddling him. The look in his eyes was dangerous, initiating an urge to flee to the nearest exit in sight.
Unfortunately, his arms had decided to lock behind her lower back. And she was pretty sure he was attempting to hypnotize her. Still, no strange red color appeared in his left eye like the last time.
“Lelouch,” she said, far softer than she intended. “What are you doing?”
A corner of his mouth lifted as she saw the tilt of his nose and his eyes sliding shut. Traitorous fingers tugged gently at his hair until she was tasting tea and cloves on those terrible, wonderful lips.
The clatter of the falling clipboard snapped her back into the present. Drowsiness gone, it was replaced with panic.
Open door. Potential intruder. Ensuing scandal.
“No,” she said, pushing him until she heard him make contact with the back of the chair.
He held her wrists.
“The door’s locked.”
“Really?” she piped up. And then shook her head. “Wait, that’s not the point.”
“Then what is?”
The extension cord running from the speakers to the wall held her interest. Just what I am to you? seemed too crazy and random to spout. And what the hell are you doing?
“This is wrong,” she mumbled. “And-and Rivalz.”
Deeply etched lines marked his handsome face.
“You know-auction,” she blurted. “And I’m pretty sure I’m his date for the spring dance or whatever, what with all the money he shelled out for me and I have no idea why he’d do that. It’s so unexpected and did you know about any of this? Because no one ever told me and this is just out of the blue and I’m here with you instead being all clumsy and getting hurt and -”
His thumb stopped her flow of words, fingers sliding over her face gently.
“I asked him to,” Lelouch said.
Her eyes widened momentarily, ingesting his words. More questions hung on the tip of her tongue, one that he intended to occupy it with something else instead. The intense glare he focused on her mouth burned.
He kissed her again.
“Why?” she managed when she came up for air.
His mouth found the spot where her jaw began, somewhere beneath her ear. He nipped at it lightly.
“For me,” he said. “As a favor.”
She frowned, suddenly furious with him. He was being sneaky and stupid and weird. The life he carried on the side was taking its toll on him, manifesting paranoia in the strangest ways. And that he’d used a proxy made it all the worse.
Her hands made it to his shoulders as she made to get away from him.
The second attempt to extract herself from him resulted in her witnessing him losing control in the most interest way.
He kissed her as softly as before, diffusing her rage.
It was clearly a diversion she realized too late when his hand was already under her skirt. In attempting to stand up, she had accidentally given him the perfect leverage. Easy to slide in and…
She was silky to the touch when he slipped under the stretchy material of her panties.
“Sorry,” he said, kissing her neck above the stiff collar of her shirt. “I can’t explain better.”
A shiver traversed through her spine. Suzaku vaguely registered in her mind and his interest in whatever she had with Lelouch. It was only right that he was being cautious. And yet…
“This is wrong,” she repeated, trying to intimidate him through half lidded eyes. A soft gasp in his ear lessened the threat, killing her conviction.
Uncertainty had ruled her ever since she had considered the list of candidates out for his attention on a daily basis. They were all beautiful, strong or influential in some manner. They had qualities to admire and things he needed to further his agenda. What was she but an ordinary schoolgirl? How to compare against such girls?
“Maybe,” he told her in between sharp intakes of air. “But you like it.”
“Do you?” she asked, a pretty frown on her face as she tried to understand. The ability to concentrate abandoned her as something inevitable and irresistible pushed her forward.
The fingers from his free hand traced nonsensical patterns on the inside of her knee after he pulled her toward him. Caught up in their proximity, she didn’t smile or laugh, despite the ticklish sensation.
An unfamiliar but not unwelcome feeling, beginning from his fingertips, built up in her. Something greedy made its way through her, trying to figure out what it was about him that made her react so.
Her name was on his lips as she trailed kisses along his cheek, behind his ear. An odd satisfaction filled her as she felt him shiver. The anger building in her for so many days didn’t melt away and even though her jealousy was long abandoned, something else took its place.
You want me.
The meeting of their lips became needy and this wasn’t the way she was supposed to kiss him, though he didn’t seem to mind. Seemed to like it, in fact, when she nipped at his chin and pulled his lower lip between her teeth.
You have to.
“Yes,” he answered, arching beneath her.
She conceded defeat at his fingertips, panting desperately in his ear as she pressed herself against him.
Images of blindfolding and tying him to her bed ran rampant in her mind as the wandering thumb tracing her mouth came between her teeth. Handcuffs would never do, but she wasn’t sure where to obtain rope and not arise suspicious about it. Perhaps a sturdy belt or sash would help, she considered.
“I want,” she whispered thickly in his ear. To rip your heart out, you stupid boy. “You.”
His eyes shut as he attempted to control his shaky breathing.
“I want you,” she repeated with the same urgency, clutching the front of his jacket and raining kisses on his face. “Lulu.”
Her pulse beat recklessly and undeniably.
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: Shirley/Lelouch
A/N: Not work safe. Mature situations ahead.
The phone call from her mother on an early Saturday woke her up.
“Mm, yeah, hi,” she mumbled when she pressed the button to answer.
Shirley didn’t catch much of the one sided conversation, but understood the words “Get up and come home.” She fell off the bed in an ungraceful heap when she rolled on her side.
It was not the best morning she’d had in a while.
-
The glass of orange juice in her hands was slightly warm in her hands as she sipped it slowly, trying to pay attention. The stern look in her mother’s expression had her feeling like a misbehaving five-year-old being scolded.
“Have you given any thought to what you want to do after graduating?” Mrs. Fenette asked.
Shirley fiddled with the hem of her shirt, all drowsiness gone, replaced by a bit of the rush she felt when the whistle sounded during swim practice.
“I was wondering about going abroad maybe,” she improvised on the spot. “I still haven’t decided what I like more-history or writing.”
Her mother’s face softened. She turned around to reach for something in a bag and produced a stack of papers, about a foot thick.
“Whatever you decide,” Mrs. Fenette said, pushing the pile toward Shirley. “Just know that your father and I wanted you to pursue something you loved.”
The kiss on Shirley’s forehead left her deep in thought as she looked at the covers of overseas universities.
-
Her mother’s words echoed back at her during the waking moments of too-early morning, Shirley contemplated the bright covers and smiling faces on grassy hills and imposing buildings. One brochure appeared the very image of an ivory tower-all whitewashed buildings and threatening architecture tailor made for serious academics. It was tossed off to the side.
Among the stack of literature bestowed upon her, she’d found a few that seemed suited to her taste: relaxed, community-oriented and highly regarded in the academic areas of history and journalism. A very few contained the extra perk of having a continent or two of distance to keep away from a certain boy.
Sometime mid-week, she made a list of her top five schools. Her hand reached out to the phone, dialing a familiar number.
“Hi mom,” she said after it rang several times. “I need a little help with scheduling times for school tours.”
A small vacation was clearly in order.
-
When Friday rolled around, Shirley was blissfully making her way to her dorm to read up on the latest edition of her favorite romance comic when she was intercepted by Milly and Nina.
“And where do you think you’re going?” Milly asked testily, hands on hips.
“Uh…” Shirley pointed in the opposite direction.
Both girls grabbed Shirley’s arms and dragged her to the student council room.
-
“I never agreed to be auctioned off!” Shirley protested.
Milly, who sometimes had selective deafness (but curiously never suffered from it), picked that moment to call that ailment forth.
“Here,” Milly said, sticking a safety pin with the number 11 on the lapel of her uniform jacket.
“You said the posters were just ads!” Shirley called out as Milly ran off to organize the line of participants. She wondered to herself how many had been unwillingly pulled into this scheme.
“We can’t have false advertisement, silly,” Milly chastised her.
As she conversed with her fellow prisoners, Shirley learned Milly had called meetings more often to get the last minute event on track in short notice. The idea had been announced on a Thursday and Milly had wanted it to be done by Friday of the following week.
The tasks of logistics, organization and marketing went unnoticed by Shirley, as she’d decided to forsake the entire project for the swim practice instead. Lelouch had somehow made time to show up and help with the budgeting and planning, she learned. By the time the day arrived, Shirley was one of the few who didn’t hate Milly’s guts on a professional level as it had been the most impromptu thing she’d ever planned and they’d barely met the deadline.
Escape attempts didn’t help as Shirley had the misfortune of being caught by a frazzled Nina or bossy Milly who herded her back in rank.
Microphone feedback screeched in everyone’s ears as Milly made her way to announce the beginning of the bids. The first victim, the captain of the polo club, made his way to the raised dais confidently.
Shirley didn’t hear the winning bid, but heard the gleeful screeches of the girl who’d bought him. She swallowed hard.
When her turn arrived, Shirley’s first impulse was to run in the opposite direction, but was blocked once more and forcibly turned around by the shoulders to walk forward.
Stage fright freezing her, she stood awkwardly on the dais as Milly blared out something. She felt her hand being taken by the blonde announcer, who raised arms and spun her around. Loud cheering and catcalls followed, scaring her more.
“And for Miss Shirley Fenette, swim team beauty and student council member, the opening bid starts at 70,” Milly said. “Do we have 70?”
A hand shot up somewhere near her. A boy with blue eyes she didn’t recognize.
“80,” a voice cried out further back.
Another hand raised in the crowd.
“90.”
“Come on, big spenders,” Milly encouraged, winking. “You should see her in a swimsuit. She’s quite a sight.”
Shirley blanched. Shut up, she mouthed to a grinning president who was enjoying her discomfort. The numbers continued to rise as more hands popped up in the multitude.
“100.”
“110.”
“120.”
“That’s the spirit,” Milly cheered, winking. “Who wants to take this lovely lady out on a date? Think about it, the spring dance is coming up and she’s bound to look amazing in a dress. I should know since I’ve already seen it.”
“250.”
“500,” said a familiar voice from a corner.
The bidding was immediately quieted, as no one dared to top that amount.
Rivalz smiled triumphantly as he walked forward to claim his prize.
Disappointment unexpectedly hit Shirley hard. She was so sure she’d heard someone else’s voice. Something deep and sweet rather than slightly screechy and endlessly upbeat.
Wishful thinking, idiot.
Despite the leaden feeling, Shirley graciously accepted his open hand as she stepped down from the podium. As she watched the rest of the proceedings, she wondered how it was that while Suzaku was bought off, Lelouch had never made it to the podium.
-
Exhaustion caught up to her, giving Lelouch the opening she didn’t know he had been waiting for. The following Thursday was especially brutal as she’d lacked enough rest to keep her concentrating properly.
Before getting more than two steps away in the morning rush to class, a hand around her elbow stopped her momentarily.
“Don’t forget we have to set up for chem lab,” Lelouch reminded her.
Shirley stared blankly ahead, nodding once.
“Right.”
She didn’t think to wonder why he bothered to remind her. Usually, it was the other way around, as she dispensed information on upcoming events to him. Exams, pop quizzes, student council and anything else to keep him in the loop.
-
Classroom duty called again. Thankfully, no glass apparatus was used for the daily lesson as she helped to straighten out the room. Instead, the supply of class chemicals needed to be organized and cataloged.
Shirley dutifully made notes on the clipboard, yawning every so often as he called out names and amounts. Her eyes were stony as she mechanically scribbled, wanting to finish quickly. They were nearing the end when he called out the final amounts of certain liquids whose names she promptly forgot.
“How’s your leg?” he asked suddenly, catching her off guard.
She looked up questioningly.
“It’s fine,” she answered blandly.
“Can I see?”
Her shoe rested on the edge of his seat, careful to angle herself so as not to give him an eyeful of blue striped underwear as she slipped her sock down. Graceful fingers skimmed across her calf, grabbing her limb lightly. His thumb slid over the thin line of that cut. The rest of her body went numb, save for the place his hand lingered which felt entirely too warm.
She wasn’t sure what exactly happened next, except that she noted how his face was more tan than she remembered so up close now that she was suddenly placed atop his knees, her skirt riding up in the process of unintentionally straddling him. The look in his eyes was dangerous, initiating an urge to flee to the nearest exit in sight.
Unfortunately, his arms had decided to lock behind her lower back. And she was pretty sure he was attempting to hypnotize her. Still, no strange red color appeared in his left eye like the last time.
“Lelouch,” she said, far softer than she intended. “What are you doing?”
A corner of his mouth lifted as she saw the tilt of his nose and his eyes sliding shut. Traitorous fingers tugged gently at his hair until she was tasting tea and cloves on those terrible, wonderful lips.
The clatter of the falling clipboard snapped her back into the present. Drowsiness gone, it was replaced with panic.
Open door. Potential intruder. Ensuing scandal.
“No,” she said, pushing him until she heard him make contact with the back of the chair.
He held her wrists.
“The door’s locked.”
“Really?” she piped up. And then shook her head. “Wait, that’s not the point.”
“Then what is?”
The extension cord running from the speakers to the wall held her interest. Just what I am to you? seemed too crazy and random to spout. And what the hell are you doing?
“This is wrong,” she mumbled. “And-and Rivalz.”
Deeply etched lines marked his handsome face.
“You know-auction,” she blurted. “And I’m pretty sure I’m his date for the spring dance or whatever, what with all the money he shelled out for me and I have no idea why he’d do that. It’s so unexpected and did you know about any of this? Because no one ever told me and this is just out of the blue and I’m here with you instead being all clumsy and getting hurt and -”
His thumb stopped her flow of words, fingers sliding over her face gently.
“I asked him to,” Lelouch said.
Her eyes widened momentarily, ingesting his words. More questions hung on the tip of her tongue, one that he intended to occupy it with something else instead. The intense glare he focused on her mouth burned.
He kissed her again.
“Why?” she managed when she came up for air.
His mouth found the spot where her jaw began, somewhere beneath her ear. He nipped at it lightly.
“For me,” he said. “As a favor.”
She frowned, suddenly furious with him. He was being sneaky and stupid and weird. The life he carried on the side was taking its toll on him, manifesting paranoia in the strangest ways. And that he’d used a proxy made it all the worse.
Her hands made it to his shoulders as she made to get away from him.
The second attempt to extract herself from him resulted in her witnessing him losing control in the most interest way.
He kissed her as softly as before, diffusing her rage.
It was clearly a diversion she realized too late when his hand was already under her skirt. In attempting to stand up, she had accidentally given him the perfect leverage. Easy to slide in and…
She was silky to the touch when he slipped under the stretchy material of her panties.
“Sorry,” he said, kissing her neck above the stiff collar of her shirt. “I can’t explain better.”
A shiver traversed through her spine. Suzaku vaguely registered in her mind and his interest in whatever she had with Lelouch. It was only right that he was being cautious. And yet…
“This is wrong,” she repeated, trying to intimidate him through half lidded eyes. A soft gasp in his ear lessened the threat, killing her conviction.
Uncertainty had ruled her ever since she had considered the list of candidates out for his attention on a daily basis. They were all beautiful, strong or influential in some manner. They had qualities to admire and things he needed to further his agenda. What was she but an ordinary schoolgirl? How to compare against such girls?
“Maybe,” he told her in between sharp intakes of air. “But you like it.”
“Do you?” she asked, a pretty frown on her face as she tried to understand. The ability to concentrate abandoned her as something inevitable and irresistible pushed her forward.
The fingers from his free hand traced nonsensical patterns on the inside of her knee after he pulled her toward him. Caught up in their proximity, she didn’t smile or laugh, despite the ticklish sensation.
An unfamiliar but not unwelcome feeling, beginning from his fingertips, built up in her. Something greedy made its way through her, trying to figure out what it was about him that made her react so.
Her name was on his lips as she trailed kisses along his cheek, behind his ear. An odd satisfaction filled her as she felt him shiver. The anger building in her for so many days didn’t melt away and even though her jealousy was long abandoned, something else took its place.
You want me.
The meeting of their lips became needy and this wasn’t the way she was supposed to kiss him, though he didn’t seem to mind. Seemed to like it, in fact, when she nipped at his chin and pulled his lower lip between her teeth.
You have to.
“Yes,” he answered, arching beneath her.
She conceded defeat at his fingertips, panting desperately in his ear as she pressed herself against him.
Images of blindfolding and tying him to her bed ran rampant in her mind as the wandering thumb tracing her mouth came between her teeth. Handcuffs would never do, but she wasn’t sure where to obtain rope and not arise suspicious about it. Perhaps a sturdy belt or sash would help, she considered.
“I want,” she whispered thickly in his ear. To rip your heart out, you stupid boy. “You.”
His eyes shut as he attempted to control his shaky breathing.
“I want you,” she repeated with the same urgency, clutching the front of his jacket and raining kisses on his face. “Lulu.”
Her pulse beat recklessly and undeniably.