Ambivalence, update 6
Ambivalence, Chapter 6
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: Lelouch/Shirley
A/N: This is eating my brain.
Sleep was difficult to come by in the first week of March. Her father appeared in to her in dreams, the warmth of a smile from a lifetime ago.
Shirley awoke with tears in her eyes at dawn.
Old images echoed back at her in the few minutes of incoherency between consciousness and slumber in the darkness.
“Someday you’ll meet the man you really love.”
The smile she’d loved to see on that face looked down at her affectionately. So easy to see, even to a five-year-old.
“More than I do you?”
Those eyes glinted in the sunlight, her head angling to look at him just so.
“If you truly love that person and he cares for you just as much, it would make me the happiest father on earth.”
Shirley wondered if his words would still hold true. A heavy something settled uncomfortably in her chest, leaving her wondering if perhaps a stone had been implanted in her heart.
If Lelouch had once erased himself from her mind, she wondered if it was possible to forget the pain on her own.
When she slid out of her bed sheets, she was momentarily confused upon seeing a shiny circle encased in clear plastic on the floor.
-
Suzaku found Shirley staring dreamily out the window when he pushed the world section of the newspaper toward her.
Her thoughts, previously running along the lines of a CD mix she’d found slipped under her door that morning, were dashed upon reading the headline.
Search for Zero accomplice underway
A sketch of a girl accompanied the story in a three-by-three-inch square. Oval shaped face, large eyes. Even in the two-dimensional rendering on graying paper, she was quite beautiful. Mysterious. Wanted.
Her name was C.C.
Shirley resisted hitting something. Her mood spoiled, Shirley found herself under Suzaku’s scrutiny, however subtle the soldier’s attempt at the moment seemed. His intentions screamed loudly to her, causing the blood to rush to her ears. She prayed it didn’t show on her face.
How much does he know?
Paranoia aside, she wondered what exactly it was that Suzaku wanted from her.
“Weird,” she commented mildly and went back to making notes on his literature essay.
“Yeah,” he concurred as an eyebrow arched suspiciously.
She twirled a strand of hair around her finger and crossed out an entire line of verbose exposition.
“Doesn’t it make you wonder who’d want to get close to a guy like that?”
She didn’t dare look up, stung by the implication. Clearly, she’d been spending too much time with Lelouch.
That obvious? Really? For all the time she’d known him, he’d been so damned stubborn in keeping everyone at a distance that it was preposterous to think she was some sort of exception. A scoff barely avoided emerging in the room.
“Mm hmm,” she agreed, staring at Suzaku’s handwriting on lined paper.
“He’s only good for starting up trouble and not much else, if you ask me.”
Nobody asked, dummy.
The heel of her shoe ground into the tile floor to avoid any obvious show of annoyance on her face.
Stupid. Presumptuous. Jacka-
“It’s like searching for a needle in a haystack,” he commented.
She took a moment to let his words sink in. Red lights flashed in her mind. He was discussing military matters in her presence? And since when did she start to defend Zero? Suzaku was right in that regard, Lelouch was a hell raiser.
“You’re part of the search team?” she asked, genuinely surprised when she looked up at him.
It didn’t seem to throw him off.
“Everyone was put on search duty.”
“What’s making it so challenging?” she spouted before thinking.
She bit the tip of her tongue and took care to school her features. Stop talking.
“Not much to go on,” he replied. “There are occasional sightings, but no real leads to go on.”
“I see,” she nodded in understanding.
Dark emerald irises bore into her iridescent shade of green. Her chest tightened uncomfortably under his intense gaze and make goose bumps rise on her skin. Suzaku’s mouth opened to say something.
Lelouch picked that moment to make an appearance.
“Hey,” he greeted her. To Suzaku, he offered a single nod. “Are you ready for trig?”
She groaned.
“No way,” she complained, her palm finding its way to her forehead.
The half smirk on his face softened the impact of her disgust.
“If you’ll excuse us,” Lelouch told Suzaku. “We have math problems to work out.”
“Ugh,” she whined, trying not to be too hurried in her movements to gather her things. She was dying to get away from Suzaku.
“You’ll come if you want to pass and not repeat the class,” Lelouch chided her.
She made a show of rolling her eyes and sighing dramatically.
“Fine.”
Shirley tried not to enjoy this version of a rescue. Especially not when Lelouch’s hand landed on her wrist to guide her away.
She didn’t dare look back.
-
She was upset about something.
Despite her smiles and general jovial nature, Shirley was giving him the silent treatment. She was avoiding any contact with him, carefully skirting around him for two weeks since he’d safely gotten her away from Suzaku.
Lelouch had almost succeeded in forgetting what it was about her that he’d wronged for that short moment.
A misstep, a bad memory (probably a false one), a slip of the tongue, something he’d done. Lelouch stared at the hair pin on the back of her head, biding his time to figure it out.
So much for careful planning, he thought.
-
There was a long list of girls willing to chase after him for better and for worse, Shirley realized.
Kallen would protect him, dying if necessary. Shirley was taken aback by his actions in saving his top soldier as he left death and destruction in his wake.
Her hands had curled inward, fisting tightly for days. It was nothing she ought to have cared about, but the surge of anger was unmistakable.
Kaguya wanted him as her husband. Political reasons or not, it bothered her that a complete stranger was laying claim to him.
She’d swiped a few ugly figurines left over from the Valentine’s Day fundraiser and stomped on them until they were bits of porcelain and dust.
Milly hinted at times of having some interest in him.
She accidentally let a wrong time for a class assignment slip and made the minimal amount of appearances at student council meetings.
Nina had sworn revenge on him.
She was convinced that something about violet eyes brought out the worst in people, especially the ones who adored them.
Viletta wanted him dead. And probably Shirley as well.
She thought about quitting the swim team, but considered the repercussions. There would be too many suspicions.
C.C. was the newest name she’d heard. The extent of that relationship was beyond her scope of understanding. There was something romantic about the two being chased halfway around the world by the Britannian armed forces that made them seem like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde.
It sickened her.
She was just one more after him and desperately searched for a way to escape such an absurd story where the boy of her dreams was the one that others dreamed of, too.
-
Shirley was unsure what made him so attractive. (Aside from his obvious good looks).
She sometimes lost herself in random daydreams where he would inevitable make an appearance in her imagination. It usually degenerated into lurid fantasies that she had pinch herself to forget.
Still, beyond appearances, a few obvious things stood out.
He was a terrorist. She had aided and abetted. Admittedly, she would do it again for his sake, even without his knowing about it. Still, she found it hard to meet her swim coach’s eyes after realizing what she’d done to protect him.
In short-a pair of criminals.
The few things they had in common were not reasons to be proud.
And while the list of his sins were innumerable compared to hers, she wondered how he could bear the weight of his conscience at times.
Still, when she looked in his eyes, she noticed things that made her heart ache. A lost childhood, a diehard dedication to a select few causes and whatever else she couldn’t fathom that made him look at sunny days with such disdain.
She understood devotion, even if the reasons behind such loyalty were somewhat incomprehensible. Pain and lost time bonded them together, inextricably. He became the cause and effect of the endless insomnia. In the shadows of those too early mornings, the images of an open grave and his smile exchanged randomly and dissolved at the first hint of sunlight.
From the corner of her eye, she watched him nudge a stack of papers in her direction while Milly announced the status of their latest project.
His elegant fingers discreetly entwined with hers under the table during the student council meeting.
Despite herself, she squeezed back.
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: Lelouch/Shirley
A/N: This is eating my brain.
Sleep was difficult to come by in the first week of March. Her father appeared in to her in dreams, the warmth of a smile from a lifetime ago.
Shirley awoke with tears in her eyes at dawn.
Old images echoed back at her in the few minutes of incoherency between consciousness and slumber in the darkness.
“Someday you’ll meet the man you really love.”
The smile she’d loved to see on that face looked down at her affectionately. So easy to see, even to a five-year-old.
“More than I do you?”
Those eyes glinted in the sunlight, her head angling to look at him just so.
“If you truly love that person and he cares for you just as much, it would make me the happiest father on earth.”
Shirley wondered if his words would still hold true. A heavy something settled uncomfortably in her chest, leaving her wondering if perhaps a stone had been implanted in her heart.
If Lelouch had once erased himself from her mind, she wondered if it was possible to forget the pain on her own.
When she slid out of her bed sheets, she was momentarily confused upon seeing a shiny circle encased in clear plastic on the floor.
-
Suzaku found Shirley staring dreamily out the window when he pushed the world section of the newspaper toward her.
Her thoughts, previously running along the lines of a CD mix she’d found slipped under her door that morning, were dashed upon reading the headline.
Search for Zero accomplice underway
A sketch of a girl accompanied the story in a three-by-three-inch square. Oval shaped face, large eyes. Even in the two-dimensional rendering on graying paper, she was quite beautiful. Mysterious. Wanted.
Her name was C.C.
Shirley resisted hitting something. Her mood spoiled, Shirley found herself under Suzaku’s scrutiny, however subtle the soldier’s attempt at the moment seemed. His intentions screamed loudly to her, causing the blood to rush to her ears. She prayed it didn’t show on her face.
How much does he know?
Paranoia aside, she wondered what exactly it was that Suzaku wanted from her.
“Weird,” she commented mildly and went back to making notes on his literature essay.
“Yeah,” he concurred as an eyebrow arched suspiciously.
She twirled a strand of hair around her finger and crossed out an entire line of verbose exposition.
“Doesn’t it make you wonder who’d want to get close to a guy like that?”
She didn’t dare look up, stung by the implication. Clearly, she’d been spending too much time with Lelouch.
That obvious? Really? For all the time she’d known him, he’d been so damned stubborn in keeping everyone at a distance that it was preposterous to think she was some sort of exception. A scoff barely avoided emerging in the room.
“Mm hmm,” she agreed, staring at Suzaku’s handwriting on lined paper.
“He’s only good for starting up trouble and not much else, if you ask me.”
Nobody asked, dummy.
The heel of her shoe ground into the tile floor to avoid any obvious show of annoyance on her face.
Stupid. Presumptuous. Jacka-
“It’s like searching for a needle in a haystack,” he commented.
She took a moment to let his words sink in. Red lights flashed in her mind. He was discussing military matters in her presence? And since when did she start to defend Zero? Suzaku was right in that regard, Lelouch was a hell raiser.
“You’re part of the search team?” she asked, genuinely surprised when she looked up at him.
It didn’t seem to throw him off.
“Everyone was put on search duty.”
“What’s making it so challenging?” she spouted before thinking.
She bit the tip of her tongue and took care to school her features. Stop talking.
“Not much to go on,” he replied. “There are occasional sightings, but no real leads to go on.”
“I see,” she nodded in understanding.
Dark emerald irises bore into her iridescent shade of green. Her chest tightened uncomfortably under his intense gaze and make goose bumps rise on her skin. Suzaku’s mouth opened to say something.
Lelouch picked that moment to make an appearance.
“Hey,” he greeted her. To Suzaku, he offered a single nod. “Are you ready for trig?”
She groaned.
“No way,” she complained, her palm finding its way to her forehead.
The half smirk on his face softened the impact of her disgust.
“If you’ll excuse us,” Lelouch told Suzaku. “We have math problems to work out.”
“Ugh,” she whined, trying not to be too hurried in her movements to gather her things. She was dying to get away from Suzaku.
“You’ll come if you want to pass and not repeat the class,” Lelouch chided her.
She made a show of rolling her eyes and sighing dramatically.
“Fine.”
Shirley tried not to enjoy this version of a rescue. Especially not when Lelouch’s hand landed on her wrist to guide her away.
She didn’t dare look back.
-
She was upset about something.
Despite her smiles and general jovial nature, Shirley was giving him the silent treatment. She was avoiding any contact with him, carefully skirting around him for two weeks since he’d safely gotten her away from Suzaku.
Lelouch had almost succeeded in forgetting what it was about her that he’d wronged for that short moment.
A misstep, a bad memory (probably a false one), a slip of the tongue, something he’d done. Lelouch stared at the hair pin on the back of her head, biding his time to figure it out.
So much for careful planning, he thought.
-
There was a long list of girls willing to chase after him for better and for worse, Shirley realized.
Kallen would protect him, dying if necessary. Shirley was taken aback by his actions in saving his top soldier as he left death and destruction in his wake.
Her hands had curled inward, fisting tightly for days. It was nothing she ought to have cared about, but the surge of anger was unmistakable.
Kaguya wanted him as her husband. Political reasons or not, it bothered her that a complete stranger was laying claim to him.
She’d swiped a few ugly figurines left over from the Valentine’s Day fundraiser and stomped on them until they were bits of porcelain and dust.
Milly hinted at times of having some interest in him.
She accidentally let a wrong time for a class assignment slip and made the minimal amount of appearances at student council meetings.
Nina had sworn revenge on him.
She was convinced that something about violet eyes brought out the worst in people, especially the ones who adored them.
Viletta wanted him dead. And probably Shirley as well.
She thought about quitting the swim team, but considered the repercussions. There would be too many suspicions.
C.C. was the newest name she’d heard. The extent of that relationship was beyond her scope of understanding. There was something romantic about the two being chased halfway around the world by the Britannian armed forces that made them seem like a modern day Bonnie and Clyde.
It sickened her.
She was just one more after him and desperately searched for a way to escape such an absurd story where the boy of her dreams was the one that others dreamed of, too.
-
Shirley was unsure what made him so attractive. (Aside from his obvious good looks).
She sometimes lost herself in random daydreams where he would inevitable make an appearance in her imagination. It usually degenerated into lurid fantasies that she had pinch herself to forget.
Still, beyond appearances, a few obvious things stood out.
He was a terrorist. She had aided and abetted. Admittedly, she would do it again for his sake, even without his knowing about it. Still, she found it hard to meet her swim coach’s eyes after realizing what she’d done to protect him.
In short-a pair of criminals.
The few things they had in common were not reasons to be proud.
And while the list of his sins were innumerable compared to hers, she wondered how he could bear the weight of his conscience at times.
Still, when she looked in his eyes, she noticed things that made her heart ache. A lost childhood, a diehard dedication to a select few causes and whatever else she couldn’t fathom that made him look at sunny days with such disdain.
She understood devotion, even if the reasons behind such loyalty were somewhat incomprehensible. Pain and lost time bonded them together, inextricably. He became the cause and effect of the endless insomnia. In the shadows of those too early mornings, the images of an open grave and his smile exchanged randomly and dissolved at the first hint of sunlight.
From the corner of her eye, she watched him nudge a stack of papers in her direction while Milly announced the status of their latest project.
His elegant fingers discreetly entwined with hers under the table during the student council meeting.
Despite herself, she squeezed back.