Ambivalence, update 2
Ambivalence, Chapter 2
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: Lelouch/Shirley
A/N: Look at me, updating after two days. Woo.
The stories she had once heard no longer carried the same magic as they did in her childhood imagination. It reinforced, rather than taught, the hard truth that no charming price would ever exist.
Lelouch was nowhere to be seen.
She didn’t question his absence and looked at the weather report instead. No rain or cloudy days were forecasted for the next week. Despite some relief, her heart sank a little.
She thought it an irony to look back at those memories when her parents called her princess and shuddered.
The sound of a book slamming on the tile floor brought her back to the present.
They debated cost and theme of ornaments. To pair along with the white votive candles, she argued (and won) for the silk magnolias chosen for the table décor, citing the inspiration from an old jazz record whose singer wore the flowers in her hair. Eventually, they came to an understanding on something about old fashioned glamour and the Hollywood silent film era.
She felt a lot better when the final decisions were made, though she wished the whole affair would be cancelled.
Alone in her room, she listened to the same record without pause for three hours and memorized the words to heartache before laying her head on the pillow.
“In my solitude,” she sang softly. “You haunt me.”
-
Lelouch acted much the same upon returning from his latest battle somewhere in the west. Zero had fled the Britannian Empire with his followers in copycat outfits and taken on the Chinese Federation in negotiations as far as she learned from news reports.
He apologized to Milly for not attending the council meeting on the latest fundraiser.
Defeat had made a slight pinch appear between his eyebrows, even though the veneer of confidence remained intact. She noted how defeat had made the look in his eyes distant, smile reserved and tone thoughtful.
The avid chess player was clearly planning his next move.
The indecipherable code of his expressions has somehow become something of an open book as she learned to read the subtleties of his body language. She did not rejoice at the newfound knowledge, feeling like a guilty accomplice instead. Another weight was added to her conscience and she thought it a wonder that her knees weren’t weak as she stood up.
She excused herself early to do homework in the library.
Before the door closed, he saw her falter and lean momentarily against a hand for support as she exited.
The topic of her history paper is based on royal families, which she had been researching for several weeks. Once alone, she stared at the unfinished version of a manuscript, complete with academic sources and marked in different colored inks. Tragedy had marked every known ruling dynasty with minor insults and private conflicts until those erupted into full blown war to involve more than just the main protagonists. Casualties were the inevitable outcomes.
The manuscript was stashed under a wooden board in a desk drawer, as previous experience had taught her.
She noted the similarities of several dynasties: conquest, growth and peace. The circle continued, she noted without surprise.
Still, she wondered where exactly he stood on the first two of that continuum.
-
A news wire first broke the news of how he’d decimated countless troops on the Asian continent, far out West within the Chinese Federation boundaries.
Kallen Kozuki had become the modern incarnation of Helen of Troy. She launched a thousand ships with a sway of her hips, according to one report Shirley couldn’t help but reread dozens of times when sleep eluded her in the dark pitch of dawn.
Lelouch appeared to gleefully accept the role of Paris as he ordered more death and destruction in the wake of that retrieval mission.
Suzaku had been recalled into duty some time ago, though she really wasn’t paying all that much attention to him.
If Lelouch was willing to go through all that trouble in regaining his top soldier, Shirley unwillingly found herself wondering what he was capable of doing for the person he would fall in love with (if he ever did and presuming that he cared for more than just himself and his cause).
Her imagination failed to come up with an inkling of an answer.
In the one week he’d been gone, she conditioned herself not to care, imagining him committing the most vile, atrocious acts. Countless numbers had been lost on either side and she stopped looking at sums of known casualties altogether.
The couple from hell could live happily fucking ever after as far as she was concerned. Which she wasn’t. Not in the slightest.
The image on her laptop lit up a sliver Shirley’s room with its gloomy light.
A woman on a mission, Kallen stopped being young. The steely blue stare in the photo was sharp and determined.
It cut Shirley down.
-
She was the first person he saw upon returning. Force of habit had made her easy to track, as Shirley hid behind the stacks of reference material in the library, her attention vacillating between a girly romance comic and a pile of biographies from random historical eras.
Lelouch called her name upon seeing her.
In turn, she squeaked and impulsively hid the lollipop she’d been eating, successfully imitating a five-year-old caught in the act. Upon realizing it was him, she scowled.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” she hissed and smacked his arm for good measure.
He coughed, hiding a smirk behind his hand.
“Can we talk?” he asked when he managed to straighten his expression enough to not annoy her further.
She narrowed her eyes at him, although the usual bashfulness threatened to overtake her. For reasons she couldn’t begin to fathom, it seemed he was being a bit shy as well.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
The candy was freed from its wrapper once again and she took a tentative lick before answering.
She caught him eyeing her lips, tinted bright red with cherry flavoring. His eyes darkened a fraction of a shade, suddenly distracted. The thin handle twirled between her fingers.
Interesting.
“Sure.”
He cleared his throat with a slight frown. She bit back a smile and cracked the hard candy between her teeth.
A new avenue was appearing before her as an idea formed in its infancy.
“I was wondering what homework assignments were due this week.”
Her heart sank slightly despite her best efforts not to care. Operation: Squash Romantic Delusions was failing fast.
“There aren’t any new assignments for any classes but we are supposed to be working on our history thesis,” she informed him, recovering from her dismay. “What civilization topic are you researching?”
If she didn’t know him any better, the answer would’ve been surprising.
“Proletariat uprisings and their effects on monarchic structures.”
“Destruction, you mean.”
He cocked his head slightly to the side, a light crease between his brows.
“Think about it,” she continued. “It’s the civilian population that winds up being most affected, seeing as it’s one of the major things that keep the number of people down in one fell swoop.”
“Revolution has a price.”
Famous last words from the leader of the rebellion against Britannia.
“That’s a scary thought, don’t you think?” she countered. “The ones starting these conflicts can end up losing everything in the process and may not see what happens in the end.”
He smiled and bit his lip, quietly surrendering. There was something in the way he looked at her that made her think she voiced something he couldn’t say aloud.
The expression was excessively endearing, painfully so.
Fandom: Code Geass
Pairing: Lelouch/Shirley
A/N: Look at me, updating after two days. Woo.
The stories she had once heard no longer carried the same magic as they did in her childhood imagination. It reinforced, rather than taught, the hard truth that no charming price would ever exist.
Lelouch was nowhere to be seen.
She didn’t question his absence and looked at the weather report instead. No rain or cloudy days were forecasted for the next week. Despite some relief, her heart sank a little.
She thought it an irony to look back at those memories when her parents called her princess and shuddered.
The sound of a book slamming on the tile floor brought her back to the present.
They debated cost and theme of ornaments. To pair along with the white votive candles, she argued (and won) for the silk magnolias chosen for the table décor, citing the inspiration from an old jazz record whose singer wore the flowers in her hair. Eventually, they came to an understanding on something about old fashioned glamour and the Hollywood silent film era.
She felt a lot better when the final decisions were made, though she wished the whole affair would be cancelled.
Alone in her room, she listened to the same record without pause for three hours and memorized the words to heartache before laying her head on the pillow.
“In my solitude,” she sang softly. “You haunt me.”
-
Lelouch acted much the same upon returning from his latest battle somewhere in the west. Zero had fled the Britannian Empire with his followers in copycat outfits and taken on the Chinese Federation in negotiations as far as she learned from news reports.
He apologized to Milly for not attending the council meeting on the latest fundraiser.
Defeat had made a slight pinch appear between his eyebrows, even though the veneer of confidence remained intact. She noted how defeat had made the look in his eyes distant, smile reserved and tone thoughtful.
The avid chess player was clearly planning his next move.
The indecipherable code of his expressions has somehow become something of an open book as she learned to read the subtleties of his body language. She did not rejoice at the newfound knowledge, feeling like a guilty accomplice instead. Another weight was added to her conscience and she thought it a wonder that her knees weren’t weak as she stood up.
She excused herself early to do homework in the library.
Before the door closed, he saw her falter and lean momentarily against a hand for support as she exited.
The topic of her history paper is based on royal families, which she had been researching for several weeks. Once alone, she stared at the unfinished version of a manuscript, complete with academic sources and marked in different colored inks. Tragedy had marked every known ruling dynasty with minor insults and private conflicts until those erupted into full blown war to involve more than just the main protagonists. Casualties were the inevitable outcomes.
The manuscript was stashed under a wooden board in a desk drawer, as previous experience had taught her.
She noted the similarities of several dynasties: conquest, growth and peace. The circle continued, she noted without surprise.
Still, she wondered where exactly he stood on the first two of that continuum.
-
A news wire first broke the news of how he’d decimated countless troops on the Asian continent, far out West within the Chinese Federation boundaries.
Kallen Kozuki had become the modern incarnation of Helen of Troy. She launched a thousand ships with a sway of her hips, according to one report Shirley couldn’t help but reread dozens of times when sleep eluded her in the dark pitch of dawn.
Lelouch appeared to gleefully accept the role of Paris as he ordered more death and destruction in the wake of that retrieval mission.
Suzaku had been recalled into duty some time ago, though she really wasn’t paying all that much attention to him.
If Lelouch was willing to go through all that trouble in regaining his top soldier, Shirley unwillingly found herself wondering what he was capable of doing for the person he would fall in love with (if he ever did and presuming that he cared for more than just himself and his cause).
Her imagination failed to come up with an inkling of an answer.
In the one week he’d been gone, she conditioned herself not to care, imagining him committing the most vile, atrocious acts. Countless numbers had been lost on either side and she stopped looking at sums of known casualties altogether.
The couple from hell could live happily fucking ever after as far as she was concerned. Which she wasn’t. Not in the slightest.
The image on her laptop lit up a sliver Shirley’s room with its gloomy light.
A woman on a mission, Kallen stopped being young. The steely blue stare in the photo was sharp and determined.
It cut Shirley down.
-
She was the first person he saw upon returning. Force of habit had made her easy to track, as Shirley hid behind the stacks of reference material in the library, her attention vacillating between a girly romance comic and a pile of biographies from random historical eras.
Lelouch called her name upon seeing her.
In turn, she squeaked and impulsively hid the lollipop she’d been eating, successfully imitating a five-year-old caught in the act. Upon realizing it was him, she scowled.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” she hissed and smacked his arm for good measure.
He coughed, hiding a smirk behind his hand.
“Can we talk?” he asked when he managed to straighten his expression enough to not annoy her further.
She narrowed her eyes at him, although the usual bashfulness threatened to overtake her. For reasons she couldn’t begin to fathom, it seemed he was being a bit shy as well.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.
The candy was freed from its wrapper once again and she took a tentative lick before answering.
She caught him eyeing her lips, tinted bright red with cherry flavoring. His eyes darkened a fraction of a shade, suddenly distracted. The thin handle twirled between her fingers.
Interesting.
“Sure.”
He cleared his throat with a slight frown. She bit back a smile and cracked the hard candy between her teeth.
A new avenue was appearing before her as an idea formed in its infancy.
“I was wondering what homework assignments were due this week.”
Her heart sank slightly despite her best efforts not to care. Operation: Squash Romantic Delusions was failing fast.
“There aren’t any new assignments for any classes but we are supposed to be working on our history thesis,” she informed him, recovering from her dismay. “What civilization topic are you researching?”
If she didn’t know him any better, the answer would’ve been surprising.
“Proletariat uprisings and their effects on monarchic structures.”
“Destruction, you mean.”
He cocked his head slightly to the side, a light crease between his brows.
“Think about it,” she continued. “It’s the civilian population that winds up being most affected, seeing as it’s one of the major things that keep the number of people down in one fell swoop.”
“Revolution has a price.”
Famous last words from the leader of the rebellion against Britannia.
“That’s a scary thought, don’t you think?” she countered. “The ones starting these conflicts can end up losing everything in the process and may not see what happens in the end.”
He smiled and bit his lip, quietly surrendering. There was something in the way he looked at her that made her think she voiced something he couldn’t say aloud.
The expression was excessively endearing, painfully so.