Second Choice; First Choice DRAFT
Title: Second Choice; First Choice
Genre: Fiction, tad romance
Words: 1,500
Summary: Sometimes a teenager's first crush doesn't go anywhere; but the second one could.
Warning: Girl+Girl relationships, as well as het.
( Second Choice; First Choice )
Genre: Fiction, tad romance
Words: 1,500
Summary: Sometimes a teenager's first crush doesn't go anywhere; but the second one could.
Warning: Girl+Girl relationships, as well as het.
( Second Choice; First Choice )
"lack of patience with fashion and other small talk." - the word 'other' here throws the sentence off, it is like it categorizes fashion as small talk which it isn't.
"first crushes doesn’t mean nobody else will show up." -- plural vs. singular. crushes do something but crushes does something is incorrect. see? Don't let contractions confuse you.
"Randi cocked her head to the side a little, questioning. “Than you…”- Do you mean 'than' or 'then?' ^^
Now, addressing the content I like the idea but I can't find myself caring about the characters. There was not enough drama built up and reading it seemed like I was reading an outline or a synopsis of a story. If this was stretched out to 10,000 words with more plot, switching character perspectives, and more emphasis on who the characters are and why they do what they do would make it a much stronger piece. Ex- Start with Claire and her feeling about Randi. The scene could be her watching Randi moon over May. Then switch to Randi (where you began) and play the same scene, maybe Randi and May are working together and Randi is having trouble concentrating because of her feelings. Have bitch girl being a bitch here so we aren't blind-sided when she is a bitch later. Then switch to Randi working up to courage to ask May out...you get the idea. More character stuff, build up, and plot would make the piece stronger.
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I think part of the problem you mentioned was that this was originally a dream. I wrote it fairly quickly because the dream was fading from my memory, so all the background that was in my head got lost in translation. It's not a good excuse, but it's an explanation.
I'll fix it after exams. Should be good practice.
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A lot of writers feel the need to publish immediately what they write. It is part of looking for that praise and immediate gratification, like saying "Hey look what I did! I'm so special!" and everyone tells you "Hey, look what you did! You're so special!" The best things you can do is FIGHT THAT URGE. Sit on your stuff for weeks, months, however long it takes to refine it to perfection. I typically have a rotation--the piece I've finished, the piece I'm currently working on, and the piece I'm working on next. Like, I've finished CIOTPA 9 and I'm working on ten right now and occassionally go back and edit 9, and for the future project I am working on my next book occassionally. Once 10 is pretty done I will go back, final edit 9 and post it, then 10 becomes the piece I've finished and the rotation continues. I also occassionally go back and edit earlier chapters of CIOTPA too.
Writing quickly to get the idea down is fine, but you should have sat on it a while and expanded it before sharing your creation with the net. ^_^
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But honestly, I know you're right. I usually let things sit for a few days, then go back to it because I have a very short memory most of the time so I see what I wrote more than what I wanted to write. I was lazy. I shall try to prevent myself from being lazy from now on.
Of course, waiting too long isn't good either. I can't quite remember what happened in chapter 8 of CIOTPA, I probably will once I read the new chapter; but who knows.
God I need sleep. Why do people have to be noisy TONIGHT of all nights...
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