Immortality
I wrote a novel in 2004 or so with this character and a bunch of others. I don't think I'll post the novel in this journal (it's in my other account at the moment) but I will be posting the sidestories. They're pretty much stand-alones anyway.
Disclaimer: My Immortal is by Evanescence and they own the song (Fallen->My Immortal © 2003 Wind-Up Records).
Immortality
I’m so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
Hitori had been alive for a long time. Time flowed around her: toppling empires, aging the world, making some species evolve and others disappear forever, leaving only fossilized relics behind to give any hints about their former lives. She remained, unchanged physically by time, as those around her died. Her lovers grew old and weary, going from young flesh to dried up husks and then dust. Her friends followed in time, going from young children, to adolescents, to adults, to mothers and fathers, to grandmothers and grandfathers before finally dying; their lives mourned by those they left behind.
Even if she was used to being alone, it scared her. She wanted to curl up at someone’s side, be reassured by their body’s warmth and the steady breathing of someone who was alive. As it was, she slept with many people, only to have them die in their sleep, their reassuring warmth fading into the chill of the dead, leaving her alone once again.
She lost count of the lives she took, defending herself from people who wanted her power, wanted to drink her blood and gain some type of immortality. What they did not know was that once someone else spilled her blood; it became acidic, burning through flesh to eat at the bone. Her lifeblood became a weapon, a thing to be feared. She had a lover once that loved to nibble at her body, daring the narrow path between bliss and death. One day, Kuo no longer cared about her warnings. He wanted to taste her blood, the blood that kept her beautiful and young through the centuries. Hitori would never forget his screams as his delicate teeth tore the skin and his mouth started to disintegrate upon contact with her powerful blood. He did not scream long, the acid worked too fast for the flesh around the mouth to be able to accommodate sound for long. After the first quarter of a second, his mouth was full of acidic blood and the few drops that had managed to pass through the tube in his neck were consuming his stomach.
When she met Ynoltherimal, she was so relieved. Here was another who had seen civilizations collapse, another who knew the loneliness of always being left behind, an immortal among mortals. For the first time in over two millennia, she was not the oldest in the room. The loneliness was getting to him as well so when they shared a bed, they were finally comforted by the fact that the other would not die overnight.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
He left her once humanity started to destroy the earth that gave them life. He blamed her for it, not listening to her protests. She had gotten used to Ynoltherimal’s company during those years. Now knowing what it was like to be with an immortal, she had no desire to return to the world of men. It was a world that repeated the same mistakes, committed the same crimes and fought for the same flawed ideas. She kept to herself for a while and then the loneliness threatened to overwhelm her once again. Knowing someone for a short time was better than being alone in the darkness of her life. She needed to talk, needed to hear stories other than those of nature; she simply needed to be among her own kind, flawed as they were.
Upon returning to the world, she perfected her skills with a sword. Trusting her instincts, honed by her extensive experience, Hitori became one of the greatest warriors of the time. She was sought after for every battle by kings and lords. She was a legend, someone who recovered from fatal wounds in the space of a day, never losing a battle despite being blind. Some did not believe that she was actually blind; they simply thought that she was trying to make herself appear more than human. She did not tell them that she was more than human. They would only die and be replaced by a newer generation; one that would ask the same questions and become unsatisfied with her prepared answers. It was an exhausting cycle but it was better than being alone.
When she was alone, she remembered being safe in the elf’s arms, held by someone who did not smell of decomposition, or slowly rotting flesh that all mortals carried with them. Sometimes, she spoke to him, or her memory of him, telling him of daily events, mocking the people who surrounded her with the arrogance of one who has done it before. The first lover after the elf had known some of her secrets. When he died during battle, it was like a bucket of ice-cold water had splashed her in the face, waking her up from a good dream. She learned her lesson and did not repeat it. . She did not let herself get too close to her lovers though, never told them everything. It left her too vulnerable for when they would die. She had actually forgotten that, though it seemed to be worse now that she knew how it could be.
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
Being a regenerate, she was used to not having injuries to slow her down. She had been stabbed, gutted, skinned, buried alive, drowned, tortured, burnt, mutilated and dismembered; and was fine the next morning or the morning after that, depending on the severity of the wound. The excruciating pain faded after awhile as the tissue regenerated around the injury and she had a very high pain tolerance level. She remained unaffected by various plagues, her inhuman immune system destroying the invading biological matter in less than a second even under constant exposure. Even when a lover betrayed her, a knife buried in her heart one night and the woman screaming as the blood melted her flesh, she moved on. The wound to her flesh disappeared but the pain at Ilia’s betrayal did not.
The scars on her heart were more devastating than the wounds to her flesh, her perfect memory replaying scenes that happened centuries ago with amazing accuracy. That pain never left her. Emotional blood flowed from her heart into the space around her at every betrayal, every wound inflicted by friend and foe, every time someone she loved accused her of being insensitive because she did not give herself over completely, every time a lover or friend died in her arms, every time a child died when she failed to protect him or her, every angry word and every time she remembered what could have been. Her physical self appeared young but she felt the emotional pain bringing her down, aging her in a way that nobody else could see. This was Time’s hold on her, she realized finally. The vice around her heart was placed there by the years and it only became tighter as she continued to live.
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
It was during a war that she met Yume. The elf was just as lonely as Hitori was, creating chaos and manipulating the world around herself to keep from wilting from boredom. It was difficult to reach a compromise between them; they had both been hiding their true selves for so long that they had forgotten how to treat another as an equal. It took all of Hitori’s skills to convince Yume that they were equal and that living together would be to their mutual benefit. After that, they were a powerful team. Both were intelligent and powerful, Yume specializing in magic and Hitori in physical combat; both benefited from having someone who knew the loneliness of immortality, having lost many to time. They trusted each other completely, having no great secrets between them, only small ones to keep their relationship interesting. It truly was a mutually beneficial relationship. Yume was delighted to have someone other than the tree to talk to, someone who would argue with her for hours if they disagreed. Hitori was satisfied with not being alone anymore, not being left behind by others.
You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
It was Hitori’s wish to have a baby, though her regeneration prevented anything from being conceived. Yume knew that the woman had watched her friends rear children with jealousy, always left out of that circle as well as many others because of her condition. The elf had never really thought that she would have children; most of her family remained childless throughout their lives so she felt no pressure from peers. The fact that she was one of the last elves still living among humans all but removed the idea from her mind. Still, the woman looked so excited at the prospect, so vibrant in the sameness of Yume’s life, that Yume could not help but go along with Hitori’s plan.
It took them less than two years to figure out how to seal Hitori’s body in a dream world without damaging her mind permanently. The regenerate bounced along the hallways of her dream, the enthusiastic display of emotion captivating Yume’s attention. It was if Hitori had transformed into a different being, one that thrummed with energy. Yume kept seeing various colors weave in and around her friend, an unpredictable swirl that attracted the attention and held it. In Yume’s eyes, Hitori had never looked as beautiful as she did during those first couple weeks.
But now I’m bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Once the child was born though, everything changed. The pain that Hitori had suffered in the dreaming had scarred her deeper than anything before and she blame Yume for allowing it to happen. She said nothing of her dwindling regeneration, of the ghostly injuries that she kept feeling before they faded once again, of the pain in her bones that knew their age. Yume let her go; hurt that Hitori would blame her for something she had no power over. She had gone along with the regenerate’s ideas to please her and was repaid with hate.
When Hitori left the child alone, the child that had driven this wedge between them by being born, Yume did not try to soothe the child’s pain. Instead, she figured out why Hitori would abandon the one she loved most. Since being alone was the thing that Hitori feared most, her actions made no sense. She tried to find her friend through the dreaming only to find out that Hitori no longer slept if she could help it. Once, Yume stumbled into her dream and saw that she was the source of Hitori’s nightmare. The elf fled without revealing her presence or asking her questions. The pain was too great for mere words to be able to distract her. She kept away from humanity after that.
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
The idea that she could die was dawning on Hitori after so many centuries. Each wound took forever to heal -if it did heal-, old wounds reappeared, ghosts becoming more powerful now that Hitori’s blood had weakened. She spent her days in physical pain, her nights trying to occupy her mind so she would not sleep. Yume had betrayed her; this was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to be with her daughter, happy and healthy; not quivering in a medicine man’s hut, waiting to see if this one had an idea of how she could be cured. She missed Mylia’s smile, her impishness and her occasional seriousness. She even missed Yume but would not acknowledge the emotion, burying deep in her subconscious. She had been a fool to put herself in the elf’s power, just as foolish as any of the mortals who did not know better. The knowledge that she had brought this upon herself ate at her, tearing her up inside as her body started to let go. The pain seemed all the more real now whenever she bumped something, bruising or cutting herself. It used to just disappear into time; now time was dumping her injuries back.
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
Yume held the Yummei in her hands, thinking about how it had ruined Hitori for her. Guilt weighed on her, as she watched the woman’s condition deteriorate. She remembered holding Hitori after the woman told her about the deaths she had lived through, the lovers who had fallen to time, the disciples and the children she had raised all those years ago; wiping away tears of joy and of sorrow as they talked and fought; comforted her when the memories became too much, bringing old pain to the surface that had been festering for who knows how long. She remembered killing for Hitori, not that she would have been killed by a sorcerer’s spell or any weapon, but just to protect the person who had stood by her side. Hitori had killed for her, defending her from enemies who might have been able to hurt her if she had not been paying attention. They made a great team, one that triumphed over the worst of odds. They were partners.
That connection did not fade overnight, not even in fifty years when you have lived so long. Yume had given everything she could to Hitori and Hitori had done the same. Yume would not believe that one incident could destroy that.
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I’ve been alone all along
Even if Hitori had convinced herself that she had left Yume for good, she was still wary of her dreams. She avoided the dreaming, drinking excessive amounts of caffeine and other stimulants to keep safe from Yume’s power. Deep down, she knew that Yume could force her to sleep and that her efforts were a waste of energy but she had to pretend that she had control. She had been a complete fool to believe that she could exist with another after centuries of solitude. Her being with another always ended in tragedy, whether it be in death or betrayal. She could feel Yume looking over her shoulder at times, her imagination creating the sensation to spook her like a capricious monster. She was alone. She had always been alone.
Inside, she knew that Yume was the same way.
Disclaimer: My Immortal is by Evanescence and they own the song (Fallen->My Immortal © 2003 Wind-Up Records).
Immortality
I’m so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
Hitori had been alive for a long time. Time flowed around her: toppling empires, aging the world, making some species evolve and others disappear forever, leaving only fossilized relics behind to give any hints about their former lives. She remained, unchanged physically by time, as those around her died. Her lovers grew old and weary, going from young flesh to dried up husks and then dust. Her friends followed in time, going from young children, to adolescents, to adults, to mothers and fathers, to grandmothers and grandfathers before finally dying; their lives mourned by those they left behind.
Even if she was used to being alone, it scared her. She wanted to curl up at someone’s side, be reassured by their body’s warmth and the steady breathing of someone who was alive. As it was, she slept with many people, only to have them die in their sleep, their reassuring warmth fading into the chill of the dead, leaving her alone once again.
She lost count of the lives she took, defending herself from people who wanted her power, wanted to drink her blood and gain some type of immortality. What they did not know was that once someone else spilled her blood; it became acidic, burning through flesh to eat at the bone. Her lifeblood became a weapon, a thing to be feared. She had a lover once that loved to nibble at her body, daring the narrow path between bliss and death. One day, Kuo no longer cared about her warnings. He wanted to taste her blood, the blood that kept her beautiful and young through the centuries. Hitori would never forget his screams as his delicate teeth tore the skin and his mouth started to disintegrate upon contact with her powerful blood. He did not scream long, the acid worked too fast for the flesh around the mouth to be able to accommodate sound for long. After the first quarter of a second, his mouth was full of acidic blood and the few drops that had managed to pass through the tube in his neck were consuming his stomach.
When she met Ynoltherimal, she was so relieved. Here was another who had seen civilizations collapse, another who knew the loneliness of always being left behind, an immortal among mortals. For the first time in over two millennia, she was not the oldest in the room. The loneliness was getting to him as well so when they shared a bed, they were finally comforted by the fact that the other would not die overnight.
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
He left her once humanity started to destroy the earth that gave them life. He blamed her for it, not listening to her protests. She had gotten used to Ynoltherimal’s company during those years. Now knowing what it was like to be with an immortal, she had no desire to return to the world of men. It was a world that repeated the same mistakes, committed the same crimes and fought for the same flawed ideas. She kept to herself for a while and then the loneliness threatened to overwhelm her once again. Knowing someone for a short time was better than being alone in the darkness of her life. She needed to talk, needed to hear stories other than those of nature; she simply needed to be among her own kind, flawed as they were.
Upon returning to the world, she perfected her skills with a sword. Trusting her instincts, honed by her extensive experience, Hitori became one of the greatest warriors of the time. She was sought after for every battle by kings and lords. She was a legend, someone who recovered from fatal wounds in the space of a day, never losing a battle despite being blind. Some did not believe that she was actually blind; they simply thought that she was trying to make herself appear more than human. She did not tell them that she was more than human. They would only die and be replaced by a newer generation; one that would ask the same questions and become unsatisfied with her prepared answers. It was an exhausting cycle but it was better than being alone.
When she was alone, she remembered being safe in the elf’s arms, held by someone who did not smell of decomposition, or slowly rotting flesh that all mortals carried with them. Sometimes, she spoke to him, or her memory of him, telling him of daily events, mocking the people who surrounded her with the arrogance of one who has done it before. The first lover after the elf had known some of her secrets. When he died during battle, it was like a bucket of ice-cold water had splashed her in the face, waking her up from a good dream. She learned her lesson and did not repeat it. . She did not let herself get too close to her lovers though, never told them everything. It left her too vulnerable for when they would die. She had actually forgotten that, though it seemed to be worse now that she knew how it could be.
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
Being a regenerate, she was used to not having injuries to slow her down. She had been stabbed, gutted, skinned, buried alive, drowned, tortured, burnt, mutilated and dismembered; and was fine the next morning or the morning after that, depending on the severity of the wound. The excruciating pain faded after awhile as the tissue regenerated around the injury and she had a very high pain tolerance level. She remained unaffected by various plagues, her inhuman immune system destroying the invading biological matter in less than a second even under constant exposure. Even when a lover betrayed her, a knife buried in her heart one night and the woman screaming as the blood melted her flesh, she moved on. The wound to her flesh disappeared but the pain at Ilia’s betrayal did not.
The scars on her heart were more devastating than the wounds to her flesh, her perfect memory replaying scenes that happened centuries ago with amazing accuracy. That pain never left her. Emotional blood flowed from her heart into the space around her at every betrayal, every wound inflicted by friend and foe, every time someone she loved accused her of being insensitive because she did not give herself over completely, every time a lover or friend died in her arms, every time a child died when she failed to protect him or her, every angry word and every time she remembered what could have been. Her physical self appeared young but she felt the emotional pain bringing her down, aging her in a way that nobody else could see. This was Time’s hold on her, she realized finally. The vice around her heart was placed there by the years and it only became tighter as she continued to live.
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
It was during a war that she met Yume. The elf was just as lonely as Hitori was, creating chaos and manipulating the world around herself to keep from wilting from boredom. It was difficult to reach a compromise between them; they had both been hiding their true selves for so long that they had forgotten how to treat another as an equal. It took all of Hitori’s skills to convince Yume that they were equal and that living together would be to their mutual benefit. After that, they were a powerful team. Both were intelligent and powerful, Yume specializing in magic and Hitori in physical combat; both benefited from having someone who knew the loneliness of immortality, having lost many to time. They trusted each other completely, having no great secrets between them, only small ones to keep their relationship interesting. It truly was a mutually beneficial relationship. Yume was delighted to have someone other than the tree to talk to, someone who would argue with her for hours if they disagreed. Hitori was satisfied with not being alone anymore, not being left behind by others.
You used to captivate me
by your resonating light
It was Hitori’s wish to have a baby, though her regeneration prevented anything from being conceived. Yume knew that the woman had watched her friends rear children with jealousy, always left out of that circle as well as many others because of her condition. The elf had never really thought that she would have children; most of her family remained childless throughout their lives so she felt no pressure from peers. The fact that she was one of the last elves still living among humans all but removed the idea from her mind. Still, the woman looked so excited at the prospect, so vibrant in the sameness of Yume’s life, that Yume could not help but go along with Hitori’s plan.
It took them less than two years to figure out how to seal Hitori’s body in a dream world without damaging her mind permanently. The regenerate bounced along the hallways of her dream, the enthusiastic display of emotion captivating Yume’s attention. It was if Hitori had transformed into a different being, one that thrummed with energy. Yume kept seeing various colors weave in and around her friend, an unpredictable swirl that attracted the attention and held it. In Yume’s eyes, Hitori had never looked as beautiful as she did during those first couple weeks.
But now I’m bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
Once the child was born though, everything changed. The pain that Hitori had suffered in the dreaming had scarred her deeper than anything before and she blame Yume for allowing it to happen. She said nothing of her dwindling regeneration, of the ghostly injuries that she kept feeling before they faded once again, of the pain in her bones that knew their age. Yume let her go; hurt that Hitori would blame her for something she had no power over. She had gone along with the regenerate’s ideas to please her and was repaid with hate.
When Hitori left the child alone, the child that had driven this wedge between them by being born, Yume did not try to soothe the child’s pain. Instead, she figured out why Hitori would abandon the one she loved most. Since being alone was the thing that Hitori feared most, her actions made no sense. She tried to find her friend through the dreaming only to find out that Hitori no longer slept if she could help it. Once, Yume stumbled into her dream and saw that she was the source of Hitori’s nightmare. The elf fled without revealing her presence or asking her questions. The pain was too great for mere words to be able to distract her. She kept away from humanity after that.
These wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
The idea that she could die was dawning on Hitori after so many centuries. Each wound took forever to heal -if it did heal-, old wounds reappeared, ghosts becoming more powerful now that Hitori’s blood had weakened. She spent her days in physical pain, her nights trying to occupy her mind so she would not sleep. Yume had betrayed her; this was not supposed to happen. She was supposed to be with her daughter, happy and healthy; not quivering in a medicine man’s hut, waiting to see if this one had an idea of how she could be cured. She missed Mylia’s smile, her impishness and her occasional seriousness. She even missed Yume but would not acknowledge the emotion, burying deep in her subconscious. She had been a fool to put herself in the elf’s power, just as foolish as any of the mortals who did not know better. The knowledge that she had brought this upon herself ate at her, tearing her up inside as her body started to let go. The pain seemed all the more real now whenever she bumped something, bruising or cutting herself. It used to just disappear into time; now time was dumping her injuries back.
When you cried I’d wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I’d fight away all of your fears
and I’ve held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
Yume held the Yummei in her hands, thinking about how it had ruined Hitori for her. Guilt weighed on her, as she watched the woman’s condition deteriorate. She remembered holding Hitori after the woman told her about the deaths she had lived through, the lovers who had fallen to time, the disciples and the children she had raised all those years ago; wiping away tears of joy and of sorrow as they talked and fought; comforted her when the memories became too much, bringing old pain to the surface that had been festering for who knows how long. She remembered killing for Hitori, not that she would have been killed by a sorcerer’s spell or any weapon, but just to protect the person who had stood by her side. Hitori had killed for her, defending her from enemies who might have been able to hurt her if she had not been paying attention. They made a great team, one that triumphed over the worst of odds. They were partners.
That connection did not fade overnight, not even in fifty years when you have lived so long. Yume had given everything she could to Hitori and Hitori had done the same. Yume would not believe that one incident could destroy that.
I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
I’ve been alone all along
Even if Hitori had convinced herself that she had left Yume for good, she was still wary of her dreams. She avoided the dreaming, drinking excessive amounts of caffeine and other stimulants to keep safe from Yume’s power. Deep down, she knew that Yume could force her to sleep and that her efforts were a waste of energy but she had to pretend that she had control. She had been a complete fool to believe that she could exist with another after centuries of solitude. Her being with another always ended in tragedy, whether it be in death or betrayal. She could feel Yume looking over her shoulder at times, her imagination creating the sensation to spook her like a capricious monster. She was alone. She had always been alone.
Inside, she knew that Yume was the same way.