Kelly (Part 2)
Title: Kelly
Summary: When Kelly invites Carolyn to meet her parents, she didn't expect everything to change between them.
Part 2: Confusion
She kissed me on the lips, not a cheek like she usually did, not a friend’s chaste kiss; but a lover’s kiss, passionate and invading. Her hands which had been setting loosely near my hips, dug into the small of my back, pulling me closer. I could feel her heartbeat through my skin, the warmth of her body against mine, familiar but so much more intimate.
I felt safe; I felt violated. I wanted to run away but this was Kelly, not some stranger in a nightclub. Not Anita who I barely know. This was Kelly, the woman I’ve been living with, the woman I cuddled with during the winter when the heater wasn’t working well, my protector, my best friend. How long had she felt like this? Why didn’t I ever notice? Did I ever encourage her?
It took me a long time to realize that she had pulled away. I could hear the erratic heartbeat in front of me, seeming so much louder than the soft music in the background when it wasn’t, hear the harsh breathing of someone who just realized that they probably screwed themselves over. Kelly’s scent was still in my mind, a cloud that wouldn’t dissipate even with distance. I could hear clothing rustle as she backed away more, the sudden intake of breath heralding an onslaught of words.
I ran.
Away from Kelly’s cry of “Carolyn!”, away from the house and all of its comforts, away from my confusion and all that it could mean. Something guided me away, laying a path before my feet that I could follow with the aid of my walking stick. An instinct perhaps, a distant memory of a safe haven before my current home.
I walked through the entrance of the Public Gardens, breathing in the scent of flowers in bloom, their sweetness carried by breezes; of pools of water and wooden buildings like the gazebo and platforms overlying the pond; of great trees like the mighty oak, the national maple, the birch with its easily-stripped bark, the resilient pine that got so much attention in the winter, the graceful willow whose branches covered its surroundings like a natural umbrella. The residual scent of sawdust lingered, a testament to Hurricane Juan and the devastation it induced on the city with trees ripped apart, their roots exposed to the air with bits of sidewalk and earth clumped on top.
The soft ground called to me, whispering of an elegant fountain hidden from the main trails. I followed the sound of water, moving slowly under the willow’s branches, one hand in front of my face. My walking stick hit something hard then, wood by the sound, and I discovered a little bench. I brushed a hand along its surface, scattering some pine needles, feeling the little nicks of time and claw tracks along the slabs of wood. I sat down, leaning over it to feel what was on the other side. A stone fountain greeted my fingers, a little gargoyle-like creature whose breath was water and the large bowl it rested on. I could hear the soft hiss of the pump, the water as it was pushed through a small tube until it reached the air only to fall into the bowl once again.
I leaned backwards, feeling bark press against my back, and let my walking stick dangle over my folded legs, the end hovering near the surface of the water. I felt protected, hidden by the growing darkness of dusk and greenery.
Memories found me then, a conversation between Kelly and Peter, that day at Subway-
“-How did you know? It’s not that obvious… is it?”
“Not so much, I’ve just always been perceptive that way. I don’t think she knows though.”
“She doesn’t.”
A remark by Anita, the night we went clubbing, before everything went sour:
“Kelly’s going to screw herself over if she isn’t careful.”
I remembered Kelly holding me close, protecting me from nightmares, hugs of friendship, of joy, of times shared and things lost. Touches, brief hands on my shoulders; guiding hands holding my wrists; fingers brushing something from my cheek; lips near my ear, whispering of people and things, close and soothing. They were frequent, they were short, butterfly kisses on the cheek; some were long, like a chokehold in the kitchen, a reluctance to part. I remember waking up from a dream one winter and realizing that Kelly had crawled into bed with me, holding me like some type of human teddy bear.
Moments that stretched from today to the day we met. I had thought Kelly was just an affectionate person, prone to hugs and other physical contact. I love knowing that someone cares for me, that I’m not alone in a world that thinks I’m too different to bother with someone. My parents would often hold me in their laps as they read to me, before their death under a sheet of ice. They were teaching my brother how to skate while I was at a friend’s house, learning how to cook from my best friend’s father.
I was pushed to the side so often after that. Instead, I focused on my studies, hoping to find a way to support myself so I wouldn’t be a bother to my godparents any more. I loved them but they were so cold, not understanding that fake smiles and visible diversions couldn’t placate me. They couldn’t shove me in front of a television like their son and expect me to be entertained; they didn’t feel right holding my hand all the time, saying I was just spoiled.
‘I should’ve realized. I knew Kelly was different, special. But she never treated me like my boyfriends did. She never hinted she wanted sex, never touched me like they did. She just… was there. Cared. She never brought a woman home, never gave any indication she liked somebody sexually unless it sounded like a joke. Towards men, I could always hear the sarcasm, no lust, nothing. She never mentioned women at all.’
A couple of men walked past, talking about how they were going to go see what Dooley’s has to offer before hitting other bars, and I realized I had been crying. ‘Well, shit.’
Still, I couldn’t help thinking of Kelly. ‘She must be worried sick by now. She always worries when I’m out. I should do something, to make sure she’s okay.’
Yet, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to find anything to say if I found a payphone and I wasn’t ready to go home yet.
Instead, I listened to the crickets, to the fountain at my side, to the sounds of night animals creeping along. I don’t know how long it was before another pair of men came past but this time I was more aware of their conversation. I even welcomed it in an effort to rid myself of my thoughts.
“… you think?” The man had a deep voice and I imagined him as being strong, he sounded comfortable in the darkness of the park, as if he could handle anything life would choose to throw at him.
“Depends on how much money you want to spend Derek.” The other man replied, amused. I jumped, my back digging into the tree painfully, my legs screaming at me for moving them after being inert for so long. My walking stick dipped into the water, its plastic endcap hitting the stone basin with a soft, watery thud. I recognized that voice: Peter.
“Did you hear something?” The other man asked softly, probably searching the area with his flashlight if he had one.
“Carolyn?” Peter said under his breath, taking a step forward.
I didn’t say anything; I just brought my legs closer to my chest, putting my walking stick between them and my body.
“Peter?”
“I’ll see you tomorrow Derek. I think I’ll sleep here tonight.”
“Tomorrow then.” The man said slowly, as if he wasn’t quite sure what Peter was planning but trusted him not to do anything stupid.
Peter waited until the man was gone before approaching any closer. “I know you’re there, I saw the little doodle on your ‘walking stick’.”
“There’s no doodle on my walking stick.” My voice sounded hoarse to my own ears, cracking with dryness.
“It looks like a backwards, capital ‘D’ with to little branches off of it.” He continued, ignoring my protest. Actually, he was better equipped to know of any such thing; though I’m half-convinced he said that just to get a reaction. “What are you- Oh.”
I guess there was some type of light source nearby to illuminate my face. “Where’s the light?”
“The fountain has a little aqua lamp to let people see the inside of the basin.”
“Why?”
“There’s a little carving of a rose.” He explained absent-mindedly, still intent on observing me I suppose.
“Never seen a girl cry before?” I glared in his general direction.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Kelly- that Kelly…” I didn’t know whether I should say it to this man. It seemed so personal, but if he knew… “All those times we talked, when I dropped by to say hi, why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to upset you and chase you away. I’ve enjoyed our conversations and I didn’t think you were ready to hear that your best friend has had a crush on you for a long time now.” He sat on the other side of the bench, dipping his fingers into the water and making little droplets fall. I could smell him easily enough; he probably hasn’t bathed in a couple of days at the least.
“How long?”
“You’d have to ask Kelly that.” He said gently, putting a hand on my knee hesitantly. When I didn’t bat it away, he drew me into a hug, moving slowly so I wouldn’t freak out. He was warm and that was more important than his being a bit grubby. “What happened, Carolyn?”
I told him. It was hard at first, talking about Kelly’s parents and their home to someone who lived on the streets; but it became easier, or at least the words rushed out one after each other, bubbling forth like the water from the fountain beside us. We sat in silence once I finished, thinking.
Then, he rubbed a course hand along the bottom of my eyes, wiping the tears away. “Do you want to stay here or do you want to go get something to drink? Crying dehydrates you quickly. The Subway at the corner of Spring Garden, the one by Dairy Queen; it’s open all night. You can buy a drink there.”
“I thought they lock the gates of the Gardens at night.”
“The security guard, the one you heard me talking to, he’s an old friend. He showed me a couple of bars that are further apart than the rest, wide enough I can fit through. Since you’re smaller than I am, you should have an easier time of it.”
That sounded like a better idea than staying in the Gardens all night, safety notwithstanding. And so we left.
^>^>^>^>^>^>^>
I suppose we made a strange pair as we walked into the Subway because the clerk sounded weird when he took our order. I didn’t really feel like eating, I had had a lot of food earlier after all, but I was terribly thirsty and it seemed rude not to offer Peter something to eat. He probably didn’t eat right being a homeless man. We sat in a corner of the restaurant, away from the buzzing machines, the scent of fresh and not-so-fresh produce behind the counter, the hum of the cold drinks machine.
My throat felt a little better after drinking some water and I felt more grounded than I have been for the past few hours. I suppose the shock had worn off while I was telling Peter what had happened and the water was delicious.
I still didn’t know what the hell I was going to do though.
“Is there anything I can do?” Peter asked softly, taking a break from stuffing the sub down his throat I guess.
“Can you call Kelly for me?” I asked, remembering something in her voice. “I want to make sure she’s okay. She has to be okay.”
I’m glad Peter didn’t ask me to do it myself; I didn’t want to admit I didn’t know what to say. I followed him to the counter where the clerk let us use a store phone (probably against regulations but it was late and he didn’t really care). Feeling slightly silly, I dialed my own phone number and gave the receiver to Peter. It rang. And rang.
And then, after five repetitions, the call was redirected to the answering machine. I heard a shoddy version of my own voice, telling the caller that: “Kelly and Carolyn aren’t home at the moment. After the annoying beep, leave a message if you want to be called back. If you don’t, all the more power to you.”
I could practically feel Peter’s question forming in his head. I quickly took the receiver from his hand and started talking. “Kelly, it’s me. Are you there? If you are, please pick up.” After a moment of silence at the other end, I continued. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay… I don’t know when I’ll be home but don’t worry, I’m safe.”
I hung up, wondering what I should do now. Kelly wasn’t home, I was pretty sure of that; if she had been, she would’ve picked up the phone. Still, where would she go? Not a bar -not after last time. She wouldn’t go to one of her friends’ houses; they knew less about her past than I did! I’ve answered so many questions over the years, not all of them but a lot. There was one person who knew her past though, one person with whom she had shared everything during her years at college, one person who knew her better than I did.
Anita.
I cast my memory back, before the club incident, to the time that Kelly had called Anita to make sure she wouldn’t arrive half-drunk. The seven tones she had dialed, two were the same -the first and the second last. Remembering our keypad at home and its particular sounds, I overlaid the patttern onto this strange phone and dialed.
Two rings…
‘Well, nobody hovers near the phone.’
Another one…
‘I really hope she didn’t go out clubbing. It IS a Saturday night.’
And then Anita picked up the phone with a brisk [This better be important.]
“Is Kelly there?”
[What the fuck did you say to her?] Anita recognized my voice immediately. [I haven’t been able to get anything other than ‘Carolyn hates me’ out of her and she’s been crying on my couch for the past twenty minutes. She was actually crying on my doorstep when I went out to get some air... Well?]
“I don’t hate her!” I blurted.
[That’s good.] Anita sounded a little less hostile. [Now what the hell’s going on?]
“I didn’t know Anita!” I started to cry again, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to hurt her; I hate making people cry in general. But Kelly- it actually hurt to think that I made Kelly cry. “I didn’t know she liked me like that!”
[It was fairly obvious.] Anita pointed out before taking a deep breath. [What exactly happened?]
“Well, we went to her parents and they thought I was gay when I told them there’s nothing wrong with being gay and then Kelly kind of started chocking so I got distracted and then they told me she was gay and then she kissed me!”
[She kissed you in front of her parents!] Anita sounded like she was about to pass out.
“Well no, we were home. I was going to go pull out weeds in the garden but then we started dancing and she kissed me.” I explained quickly, not wanting to think about Kelly kissing me in front of her parents. We’d be dead by now if that were the case. “And-” Suddenly, I couldn’t find the words I needed to explain what happened.
[And?] Anita prompted when I didn’t say anything else.
“I ran.” I said finally.
[You ran. Why?]
“I don’t know.” I said helplessly, looking in Peter’s general direction.
[Oh for the love of- Kelly, stop crying. Carolyn doesn’t hate you and she’s not being murdered atrociously by someone either.] I dimly heard Kelly ask if it was me on the phone. [Of course it is- Don’t you dare! Kelly!] There was a brief scuffle where the phone was knocked side to side and Anita ended up yelping in pain a couple times.
She was still swearing when I heard Kelly say: [Carolyn? Are you okay? Are you hurt? I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to scare you! I just couldn’t help myself, blame Anita- ]
[-Hey!]
[-She always tells me I need to be impulsive about things and looks what happens when I am. Are you there? Don’t be angry with me please!]
“I’m not angry.” I answered truthfully, unable to think of anything else to say.
Apparently, neither could she.
Peter took the phone out of my hand, patting me on the shoulder. “Kelly, it’s Peter -Yes Peter the bum, I found her in the park. Can I speak to this Anita person? Yes I will protect her... no I won’t hurt her… yes you have my permission to bury me alive in a pit of fire ants if I so much as draw blood.” He sounded a little irritated at that point. He obviously had never dealt with an irrational Kelly. “Pass the phone to Anita.” He ordered, sounding more like the physics professor I know he had been than the man he was today.
Apparently Kelly thought so too because she did as he said. “Anita I presume?” A pause. “I’m a friend of Carolyn’s. I’m going to escort her home and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid like walk in front of a car again.”
“That was an accident!”
“I think it’d be best if Kelly stays at your house for the moment.” He continued obliviously. “You agree? Excellent. Does Carolyn know where you live? No?” A pause. “Thank you, I know the area.” He actually sounded grateful too. “I’ll bring her over after lunch tomorrow when they both feel better. Right now, she looks like she’ll fall over at any moment.”
“I will not!”
“Don’t mind her, she’s being emotional.” He said blithely. “Do you think you can manage to keep Kelly there for now?” A pause. “Well, yes, keeping a determined woman with a black belt in karate prisoner is slightly difficult but can you do it?” Another, longer pause. “Carolyn? Sure.”
And then he held the phone to my ear so I would take it. “Yes?”
[Carolyn, do you agree with his plan?] She asked gently. [I need to know whether or not you trust him.]
“I do.” I said simply but honestly.
[Okay, now I want you to tell Kelly to stay here. She won’t listen to me at this point. You’re the one she loves after all.]
“Loves.” I chocked, feeling wobbly. I felt Peter tug my arm across his shoulders, supporting my weight when I threatened to fall over.
[Come on woman, you’re not stupid so stop sounding so shocked.] Anita growled, sounding a lot more like my mother than I was comfortable with. [You knew, maybe not consciously; but you knew damn well how my Kelly feels. Now, will you do as I say?]
“Yes… And Anita?”
[Yes dear?]
“Take care of her for me, while I figure out what I’m going to do.”
[Of course I will.] Anita’s voice was warm for the first time tonight. [I always look after family, you’ll know that soon enough. Now, I’m going to go get Kelly, she’s sulking in my room with the door closed.]
When Kelly came on the phone again, she sounded drained. [Would anything I say make you forget everything?]
“No.” I said as gently as I could, ignoring the fact that I had wished for the same thing earlier. “But maybe things will be clearer in the morning. How about you stay with Anita for now, she really cares about you. I’ll go home for now, Peter’s with me so he’ll make sure the windows are all locked and the system’s set. We’ll drop by tomorrow after lunch so we can both try to sleep.”
[Are you sure you want Peter in our home?] Kelly asked mildly, sounding like she wanted to throw a fit but couldn’t muster enough energy.
“He found me, Kelly, and he let me cry on him. I can’t let him sleep outside after that, not tonight.”
She considered the situation for a moment. [Okay, I’ll stay but if he does anything funny, feel free to call me.]
“I will, don’t worry. Besides, I’ve been taking lessons from you remember?” I teased.
I was aiming for a laugh; I got a snort. [Okay… Goodnight Carolyn.]
“G’night, Kelly.”
I hung up and Peter helped me walk home, thankfully not saying anything that needed an intelligent answer. As soon as I let us in the door, I staggered off to bed, trusting Peter to secure the house.
I’m still amazed I was able to sleep.
A Picnic In Winter ~~ Encounters ~~ The Club Incident ~~ Kelly Part 1 ~~ Kelly Part 2 ~~ Kelly Part 3 ~~ Interview With Anita ~~ Vacation ~~ Anita's Truth ~~ Aftermath ~~ Needing You ~~ Attack At The Gardens ~~~ Attack At The Gardens Part B ~~~ Don't Tie Me Down
Summary: When Kelly invites Carolyn to meet her parents, she didn't expect everything to change between them.
Part 2: Confusion
She kissed me on the lips, not a cheek like she usually did, not a friend’s chaste kiss; but a lover’s kiss, passionate and invading. Her hands which had been setting loosely near my hips, dug into the small of my back, pulling me closer. I could feel her heartbeat through my skin, the warmth of her body against mine, familiar but so much more intimate.
I felt safe; I felt violated. I wanted to run away but this was Kelly, not some stranger in a nightclub. Not Anita who I barely know. This was Kelly, the woman I’ve been living with, the woman I cuddled with during the winter when the heater wasn’t working well, my protector, my best friend. How long had she felt like this? Why didn’t I ever notice? Did I ever encourage her?
It took me a long time to realize that she had pulled away. I could hear the erratic heartbeat in front of me, seeming so much louder than the soft music in the background when it wasn’t, hear the harsh breathing of someone who just realized that they probably screwed themselves over. Kelly’s scent was still in my mind, a cloud that wouldn’t dissipate even with distance. I could hear clothing rustle as she backed away more, the sudden intake of breath heralding an onslaught of words.
I ran.
Away from Kelly’s cry of “Carolyn!”, away from the house and all of its comforts, away from my confusion and all that it could mean. Something guided me away, laying a path before my feet that I could follow with the aid of my walking stick. An instinct perhaps, a distant memory of a safe haven before my current home.
I walked through the entrance of the Public Gardens, breathing in the scent of flowers in bloom, their sweetness carried by breezes; of pools of water and wooden buildings like the gazebo and platforms overlying the pond; of great trees like the mighty oak, the national maple, the birch with its easily-stripped bark, the resilient pine that got so much attention in the winter, the graceful willow whose branches covered its surroundings like a natural umbrella. The residual scent of sawdust lingered, a testament to Hurricane Juan and the devastation it induced on the city with trees ripped apart, their roots exposed to the air with bits of sidewalk and earth clumped on top.
The soft ground called to me, whispering of an elegant fountain hidden from the main trails. I followed the sound of water, moving slowly under the willow’s branches, one hand in front of my face. My walking stick hit something hard then, wood by the sound, and I discovered a little bench. I brushed a hand along its surface, scattering some pine needles, feeling the little nicks of time and claw tracks along the slabs of wood. I sat down, leaning over it to feel what was on the other side. A stone fountain greeted my fingers, a little gargoyle-like creature whose breath was water and the large bowl it rested on. I could hear the soft hiss of the pump, the water as it was pushed through a small tube until it reached the air only to fall into the bowl once again.
I leaned backwards, feeling bark press against my back, and let my walking stick dangle over my folded legs, the end hovering near the surface of the water. I felt protected, hidden by the growing darkness of dusk and greenery.
Memories found me then, a conversation between Kelly and Peter, that day at Subway-
“-How did you know? It’s not that obvious… is it?”
“Not so much, I’ve just always been perceptive that way. I don’t think she knows though.”
“She doesn’t.”
A remark by Anita, the night we went clubbing, before everything went sour:
“Kelly’s going to screw herself over if she isn’t careful.”
I remembered Kelly holding me close, protecting me from nightmares, hugs of friendship, of joy, of times shared and things lost. Touches, brief hands on my shoulders; guiding hands holding my wrists; fingers brushing something from my cheek; lips near my ear, whispering of people and things, close and soothing. They were frequent, they were short, butterfly kisses on the cheek; some were long, like a chokehold in the kitchen, a reluctance to part. I remember waking up from a dream one winter and realizing that Kelly had crawled into bed with me, holding me like some type of human teddy bear.
Moments that stretched from today to the day we met. I had thought Kelly was just an affectionate person, prone to hugs and other physical contact. I love knowing that someone cares for me, that I’m not alone in a world that thinks I’m too different to bother with someone. My parents would often hold me in their laps as they read to me, before their death under a sheet of ice. They were teaching my brother how to skate while I was at a friend’s house, learning how to cook from my best friend’s father.
I was pushed to the side so often after that. Instead, I focused on my studies, hoping to find a way to support myself so I wouldn’t be a bother to my godparents any more. I loved them but they were so cold, not understanding that fake smiles and visible diversions couldn’t placate me. They couldn’t shove me in front of a television like their son and expect me to be entertained; they didn’t feel right holding my hand all the time, saying I was just spoiled.
‘I should’ve realized. I knew Kelly was different, special. But she never treated me like my boyfriends did. She never hinted she wanted sex, never touched me like they did. She just… was there. Cared. She never brought a woman home, never gave any indication she liked somebody sexually unless it sounded like a joke. Towards men, I could always hear the sarcasm, no lust, nothing. She never mentioned women at all.’
A couple of men walked past, talking about how they were going to go see what Dooley’s has to offer before hitting other bars, and I realized I had been crying. ‘Well, shit.’
Still, I couldn’t help thinking of Kelly. ‘She must be worried sick by now. She always worries when I’m out. I should do something, to make sure she’s okay.’
Yet, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to find anything to say if I found a payphone and I wasn’t ready to go home yet.
Instead, I listened to the crickets, to the fountain at my side, to the sounds of night animals creeping along. I don’t know how long it was before another pair of men came past but this time I was more aware of their conversation. I even welcomed it in an effort to rid myself of my thoughts.
“… you think?” The man had a deep voice and I imagined him as being strong, he sounded comfortable in the darkness of the park, as if he could handle anything life would choose to throw at him.
“Depends on how much money you want to spend Derek.” The other man replied, amused. I jumped, my back digging into the tree painfully, my legs screaming at me for moving them after being inert for so long. My walking stick dipped into the water, its plastic endcap hitting the stone basin with a soft, watery thud. I recognized that voice: Peter.
“Did you hear something?” The other man asked softly, probably searching the area with his flashlight if he had one.
“Carolyn?” Peter said under his breath, taking a step forward.
I didn’t say anything; I just brought my legs closer to my chest, putting my walking stick between them and my body.
“Peter?”
“I’ll see you tomorrow Derek. I think I’ll sleep here tonight.”
“Tomorrow then.” The man said slowly, as if he wasn’t quite sure what Peter was planning but trusted him not to do anything stupid.
Peter waited until the man was gone before approaching any closer. “I know you’re there, I saw the little doodle on your ‘walking stick’.”
“There’s no doodle on my walking stick.” My voice sounded hoarse to my own ears, cracking with dryness.
“It looks like a backwards, capital ‘D’ with to little branches off of it.” He continued, ignoring my protest. Actually, he was better equipped to know of any such thing; though I’m half-convinced he said that just to get a reaction. “What are you- Oh.”
I guess there was some type of light source nearby to illuminate my face. “Where’s the light?”
“The fountain has a little aqua lamp to let people see the inside of the basin.”
“Why?”
“There’s a little carving of a rose.” He explained absent-mindedly, still intent on observing me I suppose.
“Never seen a girl cry before?” I glared in his general direction.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Kelly- that Kelly…” I didn’t know whether I should say it to this man. It seemed so personal, but if he knew… “All those times we talked, when I dropped by to say hi, why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t want to upset you and chase you away. I’ve enjoyed our conversations and I didn’t think you were ready to hear that your best friend has had a crush on you for a long time now.” He sat on the other side of the bench, dipping his fingers into the water and making little droplets fall. I could smell him easily enough; he probably hasn’t bathed in a couple of days at the least.
“How long?”
“You’d have to ask Kelly that.” He said gently, putting a hand on my knee hesitantly. When I didn’t bat it away, he drew me into a hug, moving slowly so I wouldn’t freak out. He was warm and that was more important than his being a bit grubby. “What happened, Carolyn?”
I told him. It was hard at first, talking about Kelly’s parents and their home to someone who lived on the streets; but it became easier, or at least the words rushed out one after each other, bubbling forth like the water from the fountain beside us. We sat in silence once I finished, thinking.
Then, he rubbed a course hand along the bottom of my eyes, wiping the tears away. “Do you want to stay here or do you want to go get something to drink? Crying dehydrates you quickly. The Subway at the corner of Spring Garden, the one by Dairy Queen; it’s open all night. You can buy a drink there.”
“I thought they lock the gates of the Gardens at night.”
“The security guard, the one you heard me talking to, he’s an old friend. He showed me a couple of bars that are further apart than the rest, wide enough I can fit through. Since you’re smaller than I am, you should have an easier time of it.”
That sounded like a better idea than staying in the Gardens all night, safety notwithstanding. And so we left.
^>^>^>^>^>^>^>
I suppose we made a strange pair as we walked into the Subway because the clerk sounded weird when he took our order. I didn’t really feel like eating, I had had a lot of food earlier after all, but I was terribly thirsty and it seemed rude not to offer Peter something to eat. He probably didn’t eat right being a homeless man. We sat in a corner of the restaurant, away from the buzzing machines, the scent of fresh and not-so-fresh produce behind the counter, the hum of the cold drinks machine.
My throat felt a little better after drinking some water and I felt more grounded than I have been for the past few hours. I suppose the shock had worn off while I was telling Peter what had happened and the water was delicious.
I still didn’t know what the hell I was going to do though.
“Is there anything I can do?” Peter asked softly, taking a break from stuffing the sub down his throat I guess.
“Can you call Kelly for me?” I asked, remembering something in her voice. “I want to make sure she’s okay. She has to be okay.”
I’m glad Peter didn’t ask me to do it myself; I didn’t want to admit I didn’t know what to say. I followed him to the counter where the clerk let us use a store phone (probably against regulations but it was late and he didn’t really care). Feeling slightly silly, I dialed my own phone number and gave the receiver to Peter. It rang. And rang.
And then, after five repetitions, the call was redirected to the answering machine. I heard a shoddy version of my own voice, telling the caller that: “Kelly and Carolyn aren’t home at the moment. After the annoying beep, leave a message if you want to be called back. If you don’t, all the more power to you.”
I could practically feel Peter’s question forming in his head. I quickly took the receiver from his hand and started talking. “Kelly, it’s me. Are you there? If you are, please pick up.” After a moment of silence at the other end, I continued. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay… I don’t know when I’ll be home but don’t worry, I’m safe.”
I hung up, wondering what I should do now. Kelly wasn’t home, I was pretty sure of that; if she had been, she would’ve picked up the phone. Still, where would she go? Not a bar -not after last time. She wouldn’t go to one of her friends’ houses; they knew less about her past than I did! I’ve answered so many questions over the years, not all of them but a lot. There was one person who knew her past though, one person with whom she had shared everything during her years at college, one person who knew her better than I did.
Anita.
I cast my memory back, before the club incident, to the time that Kelly had called Anita to make sure she wouldn’t arrive half-drunk. The seven tones she had dialed, two were the same -the first and the second last. Remembering our keypad at home and its particular sounds, I overlaid the patttern onto this strange phone and dialed.
Two rings…
‘Well, nobody hovers near the phone.’
Another one…
‘I really hope she didn’t go out clubbing. It IS a Saturday night.’
And then Anita picked up the phone with a brisk [This better be important.]
“Is Kelly there?”
[What the fuck did you say to her?] Anita recognized my voice immediately. [I haven’t been able to get anything other than ‘Carolyn hates me’ out of her and she’s been crying on my couch for the past twenty minutes. She was actually crying on my doorstep when I went out to get some air... Well?]
“I don’t hate her!” I blurted.
[That’s good.] Anita sounded a little less hostile. [Now what the hell’s going on?]
“I didn’t know Anita!” I started to cry again, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to hurt her; I hate making people cry in general. But Kelly- it actually hurt to think that I made Kelly cry. “I didn’t know she liked me like that!”
[It was fairly obvious.] Anita pointed out before taking a deep breath. [What exactly happened?]
“Well, we went to her parents and they thought I was gay when I told them there’s nothing wrong with being gay and then Kelly kind of started chocking so I got distracted and then they told me she was gay and then she kissed me!”
[She kissed you in front of her parents!] Anita sounded like she was about to pass out.
“Well no, we were home. I was going to go pull out weeds in the garden but then we started dancing and she kissed me.” I explained quickly, not wanting to think about Kelly kissing me in front of her parents. We’d be dead by now if that were the case. “And-” Suddenly, I couldn’t find the words I needed to explain what happened.
[And?] Anita prompted when I didn’t say anything else.
“I ran.” I said finally.
[You ran. Why?]
“I don’t know.” I said helplessly, looking in Peter’s general direction.
[Oh for the love of- Kelly, stop crying. Carolyn doesn’t hate you and she’s not being murdered atrociously by someone either.] I dimly heard Kelly ask if it was me on the phone. [Of course it is- Don’t you dare! Kelly!] There was a brief scuffle where the phone was knocked side to side and Anita ended up yelping in pain a couple times.
She was still swearing when I heard Kelly say: [Carolyn? Are you okay? Are you hurt? I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to scare you! I just couldn’t help myself, blame Anita- ]
[-Hey!]
[-She always tells me I need to be impulsive about things and looks what happens when I am. Are you there? Don’t be angry with me please!]
“I’m not angry.” I answered truthfully, unable to think of anything else to say.
Apparently, neither could she.
Peter took the phone out of my hand, patting me on the shoulder. “Kelly, it’s Peter -Yes Peter the bum, I found her in the park. Can I speak to this Anita person? Yes I will protect her... no I won’t hurt her… yes you have my permission to bury me alive in a pit of fire ants if I so much as draw blood.” He sounded a little irritated at that point. He obviously had never dealt with an irrational Kelly. “Pass the phone to Anita.” He ordered, sounding more like the physics professor I know he had been than the man he was today.
Apparently Kelly thought so too because she did as he said. “Anita I presume?” A pause. “I’m a friend of Carolyn’s. I’m going to escort her home and make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid like walk in front of a car again.”
“That was an accident!”
“I think it’d be best if Kelly stays at your house for the moment.” He continued obliviously. “You agree? Excellent. Does Carolyn know where you live? No?” A pause. “Thank you, I know the area.” He actually sounded grateful too. “I’ll bring her over after lunch tomorrow when they both feel better. Right now, she looks like she’ll fall over at any moment.”
“I will not!”
“Don’t mind her, she’s being emotional.” He said blithely. “Do you think you can manage to keep Kelly there for now?” A pause. “Well, yes, keeping a determined woman with a black belt in karate prisoner is slightly difficult but can you do it?” Another, longer pause. “Carolyn? Sure.”
And then he held the phone to my ear so I would take it. “Yes?”
[Carolyn, do you agree with his plan?] She asked gently. [I need to know whether or not you trust him.]
“I do.” I said simply but honestly.
[Okay, now I want you to tell Kelly to stay here. She won’t listen to me at this point. You’re the one she loves after all.]
“Loves.” I chocked, feeling wobbly. I felt Peter tug my arm across his shoulders, supporting my weight when I threatened to fall over.
[Come on woman, you’re not stupid so stop sounding so shocked.] Anita growled, sounding a lot more like my mother than I was comfortable with. [You knew, maybe not consciously; but you knew damn well how my Kelly feels. Now, will you do as I say?]
“Yes… And Anita?”
[Yes dear?]
“Take care of her for me, while I figure out what I’m going to do.”
[Of course I will.] Anita’s voice was warm for the first time tonight. [I always look after family, you’ll know that soon enough. Now, I’m going to go get Kelly, she’s sulking in my room with the door closed.]
When Kelly came on the phone again, she sounded drained. [Would anything I say make you forget everything?]
“No.” I said as gently as I could, ignoring the fact that I had wished for the same thing earlier. “But maybe things will be clearer in the morning. How about you stay with Anita for now, she really cares about you. I’ll go home for now, Peter’s with me so he’ll make sure the windows are all locked and the system’s set. We’ll drop by tomorrow after lunch so we can both try to sleep.”
[Are you sure you want Peter in our home?] Kelly asked mildly, sounding like she wanted to throw a fit but couldn’t muster enough energy.
“He found me, Kelly, and he let me cry on him. I can’t let him sleep outside after that, not tonight.”
She considered the situation for a moment. [Okay, I’ll stay but if he does anything funny, feel free to call me.]
“I will, don’t worry. Besides, I’ve been taking lessons from you remember?” I teased.
I was aiming for a laugh; I got a snort. [Okay… Goodnight Carolyn.]
“G’night, Kelly.”
I hung up and Peter helped me walk home, thankfully not saying anything that needed an intelligent answer. As soon as I let us in the door, I staggered off to bed, trusting Peter to secure the house.
I’m still amazed I was able to sleep.
A Picnic In Winter ~~ Encounters ~~ The Club Incident ~~ Kelly Part 1 ~~ Kelly Part 2 ~~ Kelly Part 3 ~~ Interview With Anita ~~ Vacation ~~ Anita's Truth ~~ Aftermath ~~ Needing You ~~ Attack At The Gardens ~~~ Attack At The Gardens Part B ~~~ Don't Tie Me Down