this thing i like to call my life...

[dreams_of_chaos]

I must have started 20 updates in the past few weeks, but I never get very far. I just dont know what to say...or how to begin explaining my life. I do not believe it is possible for words to convey exactly what I have been going through, good and bad. I spent all of yesterday in a self-destructing rage, I spent a good portion of today just flat out sad. All of this stemming from my family...Lex, the little hardass whose family could never really bother her, has started to cave in. I need to get things back under control. I have one light in my life, one hope, one dream, one promise...and I cling to him so desperately for he is certainly all that has been holding me together. My safe haven, my love, my happiness. No one but the two of us can come close to understanding what there is between us...and I think I like it that way. It makes proving all the stupid people wrong that much more fun.

I need a friend, or friends. Im not talking casual friends because I have plenty of those...but a friend who isnt fake. I need a person who cares about me and sees me for what I am, I need someone I can spill everything to and hang out with all the time. Someone who listens and trusts me, who doesnt look down on me. I want that security back. As stupid as it sounds I miss having someone to have sleepovers with, to stay up all night eating cookie dough and giggling. Pointless conversations, goofy fun, random adventures. I wish Stephanie was still here, I miss my best friend :-(.

I've been evaluating myself alot lately, and im still trying to come to a conclusion...I'll you know when I figure it out.

Good Night everyone <3