(no subject)
so i know i suck at updating and its rare that i do but something happened yesterday that got me thinking. i was on the way to my gram's and a guy ran a red and plowed into me. im ok,shaken up mostly and a lil sore, the truck not so much, about as much as my peace of mind tonight. there was a split second when i saw the car coming toward me and i froze i couldnt go anywhere i couldnt avoid the impact and if i had moved he would have hit the back of the truck probably sending me into a spin. and it made some things make more sense and it made more things much more clouded than they were when i left the house yesterday for my gram's place. so im standing out in the pouring rain shaking, not from the cold, and i realized how trivial life can be and how little the past can mean when it comes to today. there is something in that second that i had to brace myself that i wont easily forget. i didnt know how fast he was going i didnt know if there was a car behind me that i would hit in turn or hit me when i hit the breaks. theres that uncertainty of what to do or not do and none of that matters anymore. not much does i know who my friends are i know who loves me who will be there tomorrow when i wake up to talk to or who i can just sit in the quad with to talk or who will and has insisted that its his number i dial in the middle of the night if i needed someone to talk to. i hated that feeling of helplessness in the truck yesterday and with people this last year im done being helpless and not knowing what to do about it sometimes i just have to admit i lose that i cant be perfect that i cant make everyone happy and that i cant hold ppl close to me who dont want to be there anymore. its life and im lucky to have life whatever doesnt go my way then so be it i cant change the past but i can look out for the future and take care of the now