As one goes, another comes
Today was quite suckful... to put it nicely. I awoke to a phone call from mum to say that my grandma had died during her sleep last night. It took a while to register... well at least til i was off the phone when i just sobbed. I had planned to see her a couple of weeks earlier and yet foolishly never get there. Regret fills me. My sister came out home from work once dad had told her. We just sat there. Still. Silent. Thinking of the things we SHOULD have done... and all the WHAT IFS... decided that there was nothing we could really do to change anything... so all the what ifs don't really matter. But what we can do, is remember her life and remember what a wonderful lady she IS.
She was the first person in England to have open heart surgery... and was told she would never have kids... and yet, she had three boys and has out lived all my other grandparents. She died one month short of her 85th birthday. Just yesterday her 4th great grandchild was born. As one life is born into this world, another is taken.
My dad is the biggest tower of strength I have ever met. He has had to deal with a hell of a lot today and he has done it all in his stride. He is an amazing man.
He did say one thing today that I want to get made into a bumper sticker....
'How can I be an angel when some bastard keeps shooting my wings down'
but then.... it will probably be more like...
'How can I be an angel when someone keeps shooting my wings down'
In other news.... apparently 'I'm fucked' because I told brock that if he truly cared he would have called earlier... so I hung up. I don't think I can do the relationship with him anymore. If he loved me... he would have at least called... and if he really cared he would have come out to see me... All I need is a hug from someone that loves me... someone that will just hold me. And i don't have that. I need to start thinking about what I really need. But perhaps I am wrong to think that if he loved me he would of made an effort.
Well I must be off...
love to all...
and do me a favour... when you read this... go and hug someone you love... or call them just to tell them you love them... They will thank you for it in their way..
Love Neika
She was the first person in England to have open heart surgery... and was told she would never have kids... and yet, she had three boys and has out lived all my other grandparents. She died one month short of her 85th birthday. Just yesterday her 4th great grandchild was born. As one life is born into this world, another is taken.
My dad is the biggest tower of strength I have ever met. He has had to deal with a hell of a lot today and he has done it all in his stride. He is an amazing man.
He did say one thing today that I want to get made into a bumper sticker....
'How can I be an angel when some bastard keeps shooting my wings down'
but then.... it will probably be more like...
'How can I be an angel when someone keeps shooting my wings down'
In other news.... apparently 'I'm fucked' because I told brock that if he truly cared he would have called earlier... so I hung up. I don't think I can do the relationship with him anymore. If he loved me... he would have at least called... and if he really cared he would have come out to see me... All I need is a hug from someone that loves me... someone that will just hold me. And i don't have that. I need to start thinking about what I really need. But perhaps I am wrong to think that if he loved me he would of made an effort.
Well I must be off...
love to all...
and do me a favour... when you read this... go and hug someone you love... or call them just to tell them you love them... They will thank you for it in their way..
Love Neika