Project Back-2-work: The emotions
The transition back to work is going harder than I expected. Well, for me that is. The emotions that come with the transition was something which I surely didn't expect.
I expected the separation anxiety after a couple of mummy friends warned that it'd likely hit me more than the boy.
What I didn't expect was feeling really jealous of the grandparents getting affection from the boy. It's like I suddenly stopped being the centre of my little boy's universe. The past few days, there's been so many instances when the boy was all cranky in my arms and then when my mum or FIL reached out their hands to him, he leaped into their arms. And then, he was all smiles with them. My heart broke. I suddenly felt rejected by my boy. I used to be the only one who can soothe him when he's cranky.
I know that it's actually not a bad thing that my boy is willing to be with his grandparents. At least I know that he wouldn't be wailing for me while I am work. At least I don't have to worry about rushing home from work to comfort my boy. And it's probably good that F and I can have some couple time if the boy can spend some time with the grandparents; we haven't taken any couple time off since the boy was born in Jan. The grandparents are of course more than happy to have the boy to themselves.
So I am a bag full of emotions. Part of me feels kinda sad that I don't have the lil one to myself anymore but part of me really looks forward to getting some of my old life back. It's part of the process I suppose. I just need to rationalize that it's ok that I am not the only one who gets hugs and kisses from my boy. That I am not the only one who feeds and bathe him. That I am not the only one who sings and read to him. That I am not the only one who makes him laugh. And that his world is bigger than just me now. It's definitely healthy progression for both of us. I am sure this kind of emotions doesn't end here. He'll grow up, go to school, have his own friends, lead his own life and all! Luckily, we still have years to go before he has his own girlfriend eh!
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