man i am just full of inspiration these days...
i flip on the lightswitch at the top of the stairs leading into the dark basement. the lights don't come on. looking up, i see why. she must have broken the bulb during her last tantrum.
i leave the door open for illumination as i walk down the steps. anyone else who comes here sees only a storage full of boxes and dust. but me - i know who is down here. those boxes give her life, as they give me identity. and she writes inane scribbles in the dust where i once conjured the spell that brought her into existence.
"i see you managed to find the light again," i say by way of greeting. the soft scrape of metal links reply. then that ancient silence descends again. she makes me nervous when she does that and she knows it.
"well, if you don't feel like talking today, i brought you a snack anyway," i continue. a small plate of sugar cookies with little blue sprinkles sits in my hands and as i kneel to place them on the final step, i feel that predatory silence focus on to them. i take a step back up. i never set foot into the basement fully. that is her domain, the darkness, the dust, the memory.
"you're a terrible liar," she growls. i hear the chains slide again, closer. "you felt bad for the last time you came down here."
knowing she can see me, i shrug casually. "i know it's been a while since you've eaten," i say and it sounds unsure in my ears. she'll be able to tell that i did feel bad. damn. the chains slither closer yet. i hate the sound of them.
i can sense in that silence that she is grinning. "how sweet of you to feel bad," she hisses, "release me and i'll show you my gratitude." and she punctuates that last word with a vicious slice of metal against something breakable. probably a picture frame i accidentally left out. she always hates looking at them.
"you know i can't do that," i say softly. and a small part of me feels sad for having to tell her that every time i come down here. i can't let her know that though. i can't.
"why not?" she purrs and i catch a glimpse of her shadow flowing across the walls. she's moving to the side of the room closest to me. she'll try to reach me if she can. still, i don't move back. i made those chains. i know how far they reach.
"because you're a danger," i tell her, for the hundredth time. "you know this. you'll destroy everything."
"everything?" she replies. and then she laughs, a sound full of sex and maliciousness. "everything is too much for poor little me to take on. let's start with the everything that you hold dear. yes, i think i can manage that." i frown.
the ominous chains rattle again. i rub my hands together to keep from grating my teeth. now she's doing it to goad me.
"you know, you could have had it all," she continues, shuffling closer. "beauty, confidence, any lover you wanted..."
"don't start this again," i interrupt, a little less restrained than i was hoping. she catches the edge to my voice and i feel her grin with a little taste of victory.
"instead," she croons, "you chose this." and disgust drips from her emphasis. "this paltry, boring, ordinary life...no, barely an existence, as your fare. for what?"
that ancient silence falls again. until i hear her write the word i locked her away for.
"such a weak word," she hisses. "nations fall for it, mankind is seduced by it. always just beyond reach too. an ideal, really. it doesn't exist. and you should know that. it fades like all things."
"it got you in here!" i shout back.
she's on me so fast that i don't hear the chain snap, ensuring my safety. and there she is, smiling at me, just an inch away. my eyes travel down to see the manacles around her wrists and back up to the face that looks so terribly like mine, the unruly hair that contrasts my perfect curls, the familiar mouth parted just like i do, the eyes that reflect the ocean at the coming storm.
"yes," she growls wickedly, "because you, my darling, tricked me. remember these?" she holds up the manacles. "these used to be yours, sweetie. and then you tricked me." hatred flashes behind those eyes. "i don't know what that witch taught you, but it won't keep me in here forever."
"don't be so sure," i mutter back. a feral gleam enters her eyes. she shuffles back a step and stands straight, cocking her pretty head at me like i do when i'm amused.
"don't think he'll stay with you forever," she says, "no one will ever remain with you. not without me, anyway."
"and you don't stay with anyone long anyway," i retort.
she begins to saunter away. i want to wring her neck. "better i leave than they first," she purrs. "besides, you know it's fun. you miss it. the novelty, the sights, the caresses. face it, you don't settle well."
she isn't right. i won't let her be. if i do, she'll have succeeded without ever being set loose. i stand up. i've had enough of this. i was trying to be nice to her and all she does is remind me why i put her in chains.
"and yet you still wish you hadn't," she says, reading my thoughts.
fury fills me. the plate sails towards her. i expect her to catch it, further mocking me, but instead she ducks and the plate shatters against the far wall. one small victory for me. somewhere, deep inside her, she's as much afraid of me as i am of her.
"you think i wish to have the heartache, the loneliness, the emptiness back? you think i'd prefer scraps to a banquet?! you think i'd rather fill my days with hell, go through purgatory, and miss a shot at heaven? for a word, i would, just to hear it once, i would give it all up! FOR HIM I WOULD!"
she is cringing in the corner now. now i can sense her fear, her loneliness. she enjoys the escapades but - she'd never admit to being envious of my life, my happiness. and for one brief moment, i pity her.
"enjoy the cookies," i say. and i turn to ascend the steps.