useless desires
if i tripped and landed in the grave tonite, and this town noticed, i think i'd probably be remembered as an emissary for music. last time i saw that guy at this internet cafe i asked him what he was listening to and gave him a snickers. now i'm back and he's handed me a stack of reggae and manu chao. a worthy commerce.
as a farewell, natalie gave me a christmas card she'd designed herslef -- inside of which was a yearbook's-worth of sweet good-byes from the staff -- along with a cd, both of which she noted were 'from everybody.' i was talking with deb at the time, telling her about patty griffin. i held up the disc and showed them both how excited i was to be given a new cd: "music!" deb cocked her head and shrugged, "what else could we give you, james."
i was planning on using my last pay from work for travelling money, like last time. while i was standing there talking to natalie and deb, derek handed me a roll of bills and said it was pay for the last four days i'd worked. i didn't count it but i noticed i was holding mostly fifty-euro notes in my hand. i gave him a scared look and told him i thot it was a lot more than that. he winked and smiled. nodded. as it was with charles, the combination of boss and friend is strange and unpredictable, and their mysterious appreciation of me translated into favours or money or gifts is always awkward and uncomfortable. but now, thanks to derek, i have an unexpected, obscene amount of cash for travelling, and i don't know whether to think of it as a christmas gift, an accident, or a testament to his bold and generous personality. tho i only worked there for four months, i can already feel the positive effects of having the fritening and lovely opportunity of operating under his command and care. he's a very deliberate man, in more ways than one, including being intently open to change and new ideas. (i hope i turn out a bit like him some day.) working for him was like how i imagine learning to surf would be. you never tame the waves. you brave them until you learn to let them hold you while you balance on their force.
i will miss my harry's family. i already do. one of the reasons i felt i had to leave was that i thot they knew me too well. listening to this album gift somehow confirms this fear. that beautiful crew left a distinct impression on the claylike landscape i keep inside, and them giving me this music tells me they did it all wittingly, and heard clearly whatever my persona whispered to them, even when i could not. i've left them now, and they've left me feeling honoured, exposed, and loved.
the first chord on the piano on the first song on this album is the same as the chord from a song-that-will-remain-nameless that has haunted me and shown up in the most unlikely places for a couple years now. i flinched and tensed when i heard that initial press of keys. listening to the tone become another song, knowing it comes from my precious harry's mini-family, feels like a kind of forgiveness, or at least a relief. i think i'll be listening to this album exclusively for quite a while.
as a farewell, natalie gave me a christmas card she'd designed herslef -- inside of which was a yearbook's-worth of sweet good-byes from the staff -- along with a cd, both of which she noted were 'from everybody.' i was talking with deb at the time, telling her about patty griffin. i held up the disc and showed them both how excited i was to be given a new cd: "music!" deb cocked her head and shrugged, "what else could we give you, james."
i was planning on using my last pay from work for travelling money, like last time. while i was standing there talking to natalie and deb, derek handed me a roll of bills and said it was pay for the last four days i'd worked. i didn't count it but i noticed i was holding mostly fifty-euro notes in my hand. i gave him a scared look and told him i thot it was a lot more than that. he winked and smiled. nodded. as it was with charles, the combination of boss and friend is strange and unpredictable, and their mysterious appreciation of me translated into favours or money or gifts is always awkward and uncomfortable. but now, thanks to derek, i have an unexpected, obscene amount of cash for travelling, and i don't know whether to think of it as a christmas gift, an accident, or a testament to his bold and generous personality. tho i only worked there for four months, i can already feel the positive effects of having the fritening and lovely opportunity of operating under his command and care. he's a very deliberate man, in more ways than one, including being intently open to change and new ideas. (i hope i turn out a bit like him some day.) working for him was like how i imagine learning to surf would be. you never tame the waves. you brave them until you learn to let them hold you while you balance on their force.
i will miss my harry's family. i already do. one of the reasons i felt i had to leave was that i thot they knew me too well. listening to this album gift somehow confirms this fear. that beautiful crew left a distinct impression on the claylike landscape i keep inside, and them giving me this music tells me they did it all wittingly, and heard clearly whatever my persona whispered to them, even when i could not. i've left them now, and they've left me feeling honoured, exposed, and loved.
the first chord on the piano on the first song on this album is the same as the chord from a song-that-will-remain-nameless that has haunted me and shown up in the most unlikely places for a couple years now. i flinched and tensed when i heard that initial press of keys. listening to the tone become another song, knowing it comes from my precious harry's mini-family, feels like a kind of forgiveness, or at least a relief. i think i'll be listening to this album exclusively for quite a while.