More alive than ever
Oh yes, I'm still here. I haven't had the LJ vibe for a while. I think about it and pass. Also haven't been keeping up on it, so forgive me if I seem clueless.
The whole thing with Justin... Serious emotional fucking with a rusty t-bar, from the wrong direction. I was warned and yet I am stubborn. I wish him the strength to get the help he needs. I hope he doesn't continue to leave a trail of destruction behind him. I regret my time with him. And I have few regrets. But you live, you learn, you move on.
I'm grounded. I'm connected. I've spent a lot of time online chatting with various people about love, spirituality, dreams, desires, wants, needs, sexuality, past lives, souls, etc. A lot of the conversations has been deep and meaningful. It's a lot of stuff I don't discuss with others very often because I fear the rejection, the look that they think I'm insane, the response of "what a load of new age hippy bullshit." But you know what, THIS is me. If people cannot accept me, my beliefs and how I live, fuck them. Right? My friends accept me as I am. Hippy new age bullshit and all. ;-)
I've been able to have some amazing conversations with Jeddy. I love listening to his mind work out details and ideas. I've also been connecting with someone else. It started as two friends just talking and being, well friends. We've drifted in and out of each others lives for a long time. We'd be on a kick, talking for a while, then disappearing only to resurface later as though nothing were different. But lately, the conversations have been deeper, more meaningful. We've been growing closer. Almost to the point that I think if we drifted off now, we'd leave a hole in the other.
It's not necessarily romance or anything. It's an intense bond that grows stronger with each word. We share many similar views and some differing ones. He's helped awaken a part of me that I've let sleep for far too long. He's got me writing again. I've been spending a bit of time on RedBubble working on my writing, uploading a photo or two. I'm not there to sell stuff, though it's an added bonus if someone actually DID buy something. I'm there to share my writing with people that give me compliments, suggestions, encouragement. They know I'm dusting off my skills and I like that. That link is to my page, if you wanna check it out. Some stuff is NSFW, but it's flagged as such.
I'm not entirely sure how I'm feeling about everything. Some of it seems to be moving fast, but some of it just feels right. I have no desire to rush nor do I have intentions to do so. For now, I'm content. I'm doing things I never would have done before for fear of what others thought. The illusion of speed is probably me telling myself that things don't work like this. But you know what, when you just let things happen they progress as they're meant to.
I'm truly and honestly happy.
The whole thing with Justin... Serious emotional fucking with a rusty t-bar, from the wrong direction. I was warned and yet I am stubborn. I wish him the strength to get the help he needs. I hope he doesn't continue to leave a trail of destruction behind him. I regret my time with him. And I have few regrets. But you live, you learn, you move on.
I'm grounded. I'm connected. I've spent a lot of time online chatting with various people about love, spirituality, dreams, desires, wants, needs, sexuality, past lives, souls, etc. A lot of the conversations has been deep and meaningful. It's a lot of stuff I don't discuss with others very often because I fear the rejection, the look that they think I'm insane, the response of "what a load of new age hippy bullshit." But you know what, THIS is me. If people cannot accept me, my beliefs and how I live, fuck them. Right? My friends accept me as I am. Hippy new age bullshit and all. ;-)
I've been able to have some amazing conversations with Jeddy. I love listening to his mind work out details and ideas. I've also been connecting with someone else. It started as two friends just talking and being, well friends. We've drifted in and out of each others lives for a long time. We'd be on a kick, talking for a while, then disappearing only to resurface later as though nothing were different. But lately, the conversations have been deeper, more meaningful. We've been growing closer. Almost to the point that I think if we drifted off now, we'd leave a hole in the other.
It's not necessarily romance or anything. It's an intense bond that grows stronger with each word. We share many similar views and some differing ones. He's helped awaken a part of me that I've let sleep for far too long. He's got me writing again. I've been spending a bit of time on RedBubble working on my writing, uploading a photo or two. I'm not there to sell stuff, though it's an added bonus if someone actually DID buy something. I'm there to share my writing with people that give me compliments, suggestions, encouragement. They know I'm dusting off my skills and I like that. That link is to my page, if you wanna check it out. Some stuff is NSFW, but it's flagged as such.
I'm not entirely sure how I'm feeling about everything. Some of it seems to be moving fast, but some of it just feels right. I have no desire to rush nor do I have intentions to do so. For now, I'm content. I'm doing things I never would have done before for fear of what others thought. The illusion of speed is probably me telling myself that things don't work like this. But you know what, when you just let things happen they progress as they're meant to.
I'm truly and honestly happy.