8 years

[dreamitawayy]

So i guess it has finally caught up with me, but i really can't help it. I never really cared about my parents divorce, it was better that they weren't fighting. And who would want two people that didn't care about each other to stay together anymore. The major thing that's finally getting to me is the person i've become. I assume it's human nature to be jealous, but i hate having to admit I AM jealous. First the fact of my dad constantly having a new girlfriend, continuing to introduce them to me, then breaking up with her once i become comfortable around them. It's kinda messing up my ability to create relationships with people. I'm afraid they're going to be taken away, and leave me hurt and alone. When i go to my dad's he talks for a while, finds out what his responsibilities include for the week...whatever. Then he goes out at night and comes back when he wants to. Don't get me wrong, he does care about me but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Then there's my mom's boyfriend. Did i ever ask for him to live with us? Isn't it hard already to start a new life without your mom and dad being together? Needless to say i'm feeling the jealousy starting again. Please don't think i'm a bad person for feeling this way, but this has been injuring me for a while. It's affecting who i am, and how i view myself.

I'm having some serious issues with self worth, I don't know what I want, or what i am capable of accomplishing for that matter. It's so easy when you're little and your dreams figure everything out for you. Then I became jaded by a mess of things.
I just want to know if I'll make it without faking it