What is this inside of me?
Well I'm here...and I'm here feeling like I've been punched in the stomach and I am just beginning to breath again. Butterflies in my stomach, tears rolling down my face, smudging my mascara. I don't know how to stop this feeling. It feels as though I lost the person i love the most in my life, but I haven't I haven't lost a damn thing. So why am I breaking down just thinking about him. I am constantly thinking of the future and how I may loose this great thing. There are only so many tears that my face can take before it starts to sting from whipping them away. There is only so much emotion that my stomach can take before I begin to feel sick.
I feel like I have this disease inside of my body that makes me think the worst of all situations, and fear the most horrible things. Losing the person I love is exactly one of these situations. I hate it. i hate feeling like I'm going to start leaking from the face everytime I am in the preasancec of anyone! seriously anyone. Anything I think that is even in the least bit bad I get all emotional. There is something wrong lately and I have no way of controlling it.
There is just soooo much going through my head that i cannot control right now. Today I layed in his arms for over an hour just thinking and worrying about if he regretted anything with me. If he'd rather be single than tied up all the time, if he made the right choice when he chose me over lia...so many things that just make me think he doesn't want to be with me.
Again why is my life revolving around Matt? Why am I letting it? I just can't stop thinking about the bad, there is nothing good to look forward to. What him going off to the marines for 8 years, or us getting distant for any reason. I can't think. I need to stop typing and letting the tears roll and just think!!
I feel like I have this disease inside of my body that makes me think the worst of all situations, and fear the most horrible things. Losing the person I love is exactly one of these situations. I hate it. i hate feeling like I'm going to start leaking from the face everytime I am in the preasancec of anyone! seriously anyone. Anything I think that is even in the least bit bad I get all emotional. There is something wrong lately and I have no way of controlling it.
There is just soooo much going through my head that i cannot control right now. Today I layed in his arms for over an hour just thinking and worrying about if he regretted anything with me. If he'd rather be single than tied up all the time, if he made the right choice when he chose me over lia...so many things that just make me think he doesn't want to be with me.
Again why is my life revolving around Matt? Why am I letting it? I just can't stop thinking about the bad, there is nothing good to look forward to. What him going off to the marines for 8 years, or us getting distant for any reason. I can't think. I need to stop typing and letting the tears roll and just think!!