(no subject)
even when everything else has lost it's touch... fall is a familiar feeling that is always comforting. it's almost like... even though everything sucks, as soon as i go outside i feel like everything could be okay. october is my favorite month. i get so excited about it.
it's also a kind of sad month now, something i would normally look forward to is now something i wish i could forget. and i will forget it, if not for genuine reasons, just to keep my sanity.
lily is seriously the most perfect little girl ever. seeing her just makes me wanna be a mom. it's the loving companion part that i'm missing. i feel like when i meet the right guy i'll want to make little clones of him. sometimes i wonder how elli can even look at lil without feeling sad though. i see her daddy everytime i look at her. regardless, cutest baby ever.
whatever, i'm so far away from what i used to know. can't trust anyone in a romantic sense. my whole ideal on love and feelings towards someone are going to be fucked up for as long as i live. i would rather feel numb. something that can make you so very happy has the ability to make you feel like complete shit to. i never want anyone to have that sort of power over my emotions again.
i feel completely lost right now. there is nothing i can count on at this point in my life. someone asked me what makes me happy.... the only thing that comes to mind is my chihuahuas and cats. everything else is just a minor detail that will always leave me eventually. nothing lasts forever.
it's also a kind of sad month now, something i would normally look forward to is now something i wish i could forget. and i will forget it, if not for genuine reasons, just to keep my sanity.
lily is seriously the most perfect little girl ever. seeing her just makes me wanna be a mom. it's the loving companion part that i'm missing. i feel like when i meet the right guy i'll want to make little clones of him. sometimes i wonder how elli can even look at lil without feeling sad though. i see her daddy everytime i look at her. regardless, cutest baby ever.
whatever, i'm so far away from what i used to know. can't trust anyone in a romantic sense. my whole ideal on love and feelings towards someone are going to be fucked up for as long as i live. i would rather feel numb. something that can make you so very happy has the ability to make you feel like complete shit to. i never want anyone to have that sort of power over my emotions again.
i feel completely lost right now. there is nothing i can count on at this point in my life. someone asked me what makes me happy.... the only thing that comes to mind is my chihuahuas and cats. everything else is just a minor detail that will always leave me eventually. nothing lasts forever.