I know I've seen this coming
I've been way too depressed lately. Like over the past month. I guess I'm just realized how much I've settled for LESS in my life because I don't feel I am worth more than what I have. All of course tied to the rejection I faced but I'm not getting into that again. My life has seriously plummetted downward. Have I really lowered my standards .. lessened myself as a person THIS much? Have I really been so unmotivated and lazy and depressed to THIS point,.. where I wake up one day and find my life is what I've always NOT wanted it to be: the same every day, like everyone else's, not unique and worst of all, with nothing to live for and my dreams just a memory?
1. I hate my job
2. I REALLY hate my job
3. I can't afford to live by myself
4. I am mad at myself for letting my life get this way
5. I don't like the way I look
6. I don't like how oversensitive I've been lately
7. I am utterly alone in my life. Not just romantically, but completely.
8. I failed at doing something as simple as quitting smoking
9. I feel like maybe I will ALWAYS be in debt because living is just too expensive
10. Dreams? Where did they go? They broke into pieces when my heart did
I know,.. sometimes I'm kinda dramatic. I just say what comes out, and make myself look like an ass.
I keep beating myself up!
I wish I could get away, like I used to be able to do. Where I can just go and get away from it all for a short time,.. meditate, figure out what I can do. Clear my mind, clear it ALL out. But I can barely scrape enough money for gas at the end of the week, a mini retreat is impossible.
sigh
And a 2nd job? No one wants me for 2 days a week. No one wants ANYONE at this time of year. Meijer hours suck.
I know, this entry is really down. I am just venting... getting things off my chest... wishing it would help me come up with what I can DO,.. but my mind is so cluttered right now & overwhelmed, that I can't even think straight.
1. I hate my job
2. I REALLY hate my job
3. I can't afford to live by myself
4. I am mad at myself for letting my life get this way
5. I don't like the way I look
6. I don't like how oversensitive I've been lately
7. I am utterly alone in my life. Not just romantically, but completely.
8. I failed at doing something as simple as quitting smoking
9. I feel like maybe I will ALWAYS be in debt because living is just too expensive
10. Dreams? Where did they go? They broke into pieces when my heart did
I know,.. sometimes I'm kinda dramatic. I just say what comes out, and make myself look like an ass.
I keep beating myself up!
I wish I could get away, like I used to be able to do. Where I can just go and get away from it all for a short time,.. meditate, figure out what I can do. Clear my mind, clear it ALL out. But I can barely scrape enough money for gas at the end of the week, a mini retreat is impossible.
sigh
And a 2nd job? No one wants me for 2 days a week. No one wants ANYONE at this time of year. Meijer hours suck.
I know, this entry is really down. I am just venting... getting things off my chest... wishing it would help me come up with what I can DO,.. but my mind is so cluttered right now & overwhelmed, that I can't even think straight.