The stars will cry the blackest tears tonight...
This is the moment that I live for, I can smell the ocean air. Here I am, pouring my heart onto these rooftops, just a ghost to the world. That's exactly what I need.
Wow. I don't know how to describe my life right now. It seems likes it has been one hell of a roller coaster over these past few months. I have a D? Jarvis and Kristina no more? Courtney and I again? I enjoyed indoor today? None of it makes a lot of sense to me right now. Well, I should clarify, some things make a lot of sense. But the whole picture seems odd.
Where do I begin to describe this? Band season went as expected, if not a little disappointing. Following band season, I began talking to Kelsey a lot. That was pretty cool, and it appeared as though something might have happened, but in the end, Ben came back into her life and I was forgotten about. No hard feelings, I really do not have any bad feelings towards anyone, I think things turned out better the way they did. About the time that all that was happening, I also began working. LC for life! Indoor began too. My life went from having nothing to do, to being very busy, all in a short amount of time. It was a change for me, one that I am not sure even now I am used to. Indoor started out extremely rough. There was a very negative attitude overall, we moved at a slow pace, and nothing seemed to ever get done.
That was all around last year, up until about December. January was a rather uneventful month for me. Life continued to be the same thing over and over again. School then work/indoor/homework. Maybe not homework so much, but occasionally it could not be avoided. At the current moment, I have a D in AP US History though, and a C in Calculus. I am not used to grades like that. As little as I work, I still am usually able to pull off decent grades. Yet, this year... I had a talk with Ms. Harper one day following school. We ended up talking for almost two hours. What I found out was that I am not a happy person right now with my life. I feel constricted by everything. It feels like even my free time has to be planned, or else it passes me by, so in turn, it is not technically free time. There are just not enough hours in a day. This was all kind of surprising to me. I thought that I had a grip on things, that I could see beyond today, yet still live for today. Turns out, I am not invincible. I remember several occasions specifically, where I should have done homework, but decided not to. One was a night when I had Latin to do, yet Renata came into my room and wanted to talk. At the time I decided that she was more important than schoolwork. I made the right decision, and I would make it 100 times out of 100. That happened another night when I stayed up talking to Jon until about 3 in the morning. I feel like I have so many things to do, so I prioritize and school usually ends up taking the back burner. Yet, what should I do? I love my family; I would drop anything if they needed me, or if I needed them. Ms. Harper agreed that I had done the right thing. It made me feel a little better hearing it from someone else, reassured my thoughts. I just need to work on better time management.
Indoor is much better now. After this past weekend in Nashville, I think a lot of things have changed. It was a good experience. We ended up faring terribly, but that was not necessarily a bad thing. It showed us how much work we have left to do. Also, we had the opportunity to watch Music City Mystique practice. It was an eye-opening experience. So that is how a rehersal is supposed to be run... Interesting. Tonight we had our first practice since Nashville and it went very well. Things are looking up. I actually felt winded after practice tonight, which was pretty cool. In addition, this past weekend was just a good time. It seemed like a good bonding experience. Flack told some of his infamous Phantom stories, which are always good. That is one cool guy. I feel very fortunate to be a part of Tates Creek with Brian teaching me. It was always Jordan and Dave who were Flack's guys, but this weekend, I felt like I was becoming part of that group. It was a good feeling.
Now onto relationships. Ohhh, relationships... Those are crazy too. First it was Craig and Monica who broke up. Then, just recently, Jarvis and Kristina? Those were the infallible couples, the ones who showed glimpses of what a real relationship should be. And they are gone? I don't really know what to think about that. Craig and Monica are definitely done, while Jarvis and Kristina? I don't think anyone knows about that one, only time can tell. I wish the best for them both though. And now, Courtney and I are together again. That is right. It may seem like I am not happy about that and it is a bad thing, and I apologize for making it sound so, for it is not that way at all. I am happy =D It's just kind of crazy. If you had told me a little while ago that this would be happening, I don't know if I would have believed it. I am used to being so in control and having a hold on what's going on, but this time, I am just letting go. It is not just a whimsical thing that I decided to do, I did a lot of thinking over it, and I did mean it. But I just let go of the fear that had consumed me for so long. I'm not going to worry about things out of my control, all I can do is take care of myself and take things day by day. So yay! I feel as though I have grown a lot since the first go round and things should be better.
I would like to take this last part (for I know it is long already) to say what's up to one Leah Katelyn Padgett. I apologize for ever thinking that I didn't need you. You are my sister, not really the one I never had because I've always had some, but a sister nonetheless. You were my rock that I could stand on, my one person I could always rely on. These past few months have been hard without you. I promise to be a better friend to you, to work harder to make sure things never get back to how they were. I don't know what I would do if there were ever another time when I felt like I couldn't even say hello to you. Leah, you are an awesome person and I'm glad that you are back in my life.
I knew I said the last one would be the last, but... just kidding. I know most people probably haven't even made it this far. If you have, I would like to say thank you to you and yours. I bid everyone a farewell for now.
Wow. I don't know how to describe my life right now. It seems likes it has been one hell of a roller coaster over these past few months. I have a D? Jarvis and Kristina no more? Courtney and I again? I enjoyed indoor today? None of it makes a lot of sense to me right now. Well, I should clarify, some things make a lot of sense. But the whole picture seems odd.
Where do I begin to describe this? Band season went as expected, if not a little disappointing. Following band season, I began talking to Kelsey a lot. That was pretty cool, and it appeared as though something might have happened, but in the end, Ben came back into her life and I was forgotten about. No hard feelings, I really do not have any bad feelings towards anyone, I think things turned out better the way they did. About the time that all that was happening, I also began working. LC for life! Indoor began too. My life went from having nothing to do, to being very busy, all in a short amount of time. It was a change for me, one that I am not sure even now I am used to. Indoor started out extremely rough. There was a very negative attitude overall, we moved at a slow pace, and nothing seemed to ever get done.
That was all around last year, up until about December. January was a rather uneventful month for me. Life continued to be the same thing over and over again. School then work/indoor/homework. Maybe not homework so much, but occasionally it could not be avoided. At the current moment, I have a D in AP US History though, and a C in Calculus. I am not used to grades like that. As little as I work, I still am usually able to pull off decent grades. Yet, this year... I had a talk with Ms. Harper one day following school. We ended up talking for almost two hours. What I found out was that I am not a happy person right now with my life. I feel constricted by everything. It feels like even my free time has to be planned, or else it passes me by, so in turn, it is not technically free time. There are just not enough hours in a day. This was all kind of surprising to me. I thought that I had a grip on things, that I could see beyond today, yet still live for today. Turns out, I am not invincible. I remember several occasions specifically, where I should have done homework, but decided not to. One was a night when I had Latin to do, yet Renata came into my room and wanted to talk. At the time I decided that she was more important than schoolwork. I made the right decision, and I would make it 100 times out of 100. That happened another night when I stayed up talking to Jon until about 3 in the morning. I feel like I have so many things to do, so I prioritize and school usually ends up taking the back burner. Yet, what should I do? I love my family; I would drop anything if they needed me, or if I needed them. Ms. Harper agreed that I had done the right thing. It made me feel a little better hearing it from someone else, reassured my thoughts. I just need to work on better time management.
Indoor is much better now. After this past weekend in Nashville, I think a lot of things have changed. It was a good experience. We ended up faring terribly, but that was not necessarily a bad thing. It showed us how much work we have left to do. Also, we had the opportunity to watch Music City Mystique practice. It was an eye-opening experience. So that is how a rehersal is supposed to be run... Interesting. Tonight we had our first practice since Nashville and it went very well. Things are looking up. I actually felt winded after practice tonight, which was pretty cool. In addition, this past weekend was just a good time. It seemed like a good bonding experience. Flack told some of his infamous Phantom stories, which are always good. That is one cool guy. I feel very fortunate to be a part of Tates Creek with Brian teaching me. It was always Jordan and Dave who were Flack's guys, but this weekend, I felt like I was becoming part of that group. It was a good feeling.
Now onto relationships. Ohhh, relationships... Those are crazy too. First it was Craig and Monica who broke up. Then, just recently, Jarvis and Kristina? Those were the infallible couples, the ones who showed glimpses of what a real relationship should be. And they are gone? I don't really know what to think about that. Craig and Monica are definitely done, while Jarvis and Kristina? I don't think anyone knows about that one, only time can tell. I wish the best for them both though. And now, Courtney and I are together again. That is right. It may seem like I am not happy about that and it is a bad thing, and I apologize for making it sound so, for it is not that way at all. I am happy =D It's just kind of crazy. If you had told me a little while ago that this would be happening, I don't know if I would have believed it. I am used to being so in control and having a hold on what's going on, but this time, I am just letting go. It is not just a whimsical thing that I decided to do, I did a lot of thinking over it, and I did mean it. But I just let go of the fear that had consumed me for so long. I'm not going to worry about things out of my control, all I can do is take care of myself and take things day by day. So yay! I feel as though I have grown a lot since the first go round and things should be better.
I would like to take this last part (for I know it is long already) to say what's up to one Leah Katelyn Padgett. I apologize for ever thinking that I didn't need you. You are my sister, not really the one I never had because I've always had some, but a sister nonetheless. You were my rock that I could stand on, my one person I could always rely on. These past few months have been hard without you. I promise to be a better friend to you, to work harder to make sure things never get back to how they were. I don't know what I would do if there were ever another time when I felt like I couldn't even say hello to you. Leah, you are an awesome person and I'm glad that you are back in my life.
I knew I said the last one would be the last, but... just kidding. I know most people probably haven't even made it this far. If you have, I would like to say thank you to you and yours. I bid everyone a farewell for now.