(no subject)
At first I thought it was such a simple thing, but now that I realize how much it means to him, I'm starting to get anxious. Everything else between us is going great, but this one thing seems to be a cause for contention, and that bothers me. But I love him, and I'm very willing to work at it, to make an effort for his sake - I just worry that I won't be able to live up to his hopes (though he's assured me that this is *not* the thing that would make or break the relationship).
I will profess almost total ignorance in this area, so a single slip of the tongue can get him mad. I do understand where he is coming from - I can how he might be hurt by the comment I made, as though perhaps I was degrading something that he enjoys so much.
He *is* trying to teach me, and as he explains things, I am starting to understand what he wants - I'm just not all that sure I can live up to all he hopes from me. That's one part lack of self-confidence, and one part anxiety talking...but he seems to get so angry whenever I mess up, as though I've let him so profoundly down...which makes me feel terrible. :\ I want to work at it - this is something I know I would enjoy, if I could work at it and do well. I also want to work at it because I know how much it means to him - but *because* it means so much to him, it bothers me even more when I feel like I can't do it. It's frustrating.
I promised I'd practice, and work at it, and I am. It just worries me how quickly he gets mad when I mess up, even when I'm trying. :\
...I don't know what the point of this post was, except maybe to get it out there. I do feel a bit better for writing it, and maybe I'll feel a bit better when Gil reads it.
Gil...I *am* trying, please have patience with me. *nuzzles and hugs you tight* I love you so very, very much, always remember that. :)
I will profess almost total ignorance in this area, so a single slip of the tongue can get him mad. I do understand where he is coming from - I can how he might be hurt by the comment I made, as though perhaps I was degrading something that he enjoys so much.
He *is* trying to teach me, and as he explains things, I am starting to understand what he wants - I'm just not all that sure I can live up to all he hopes from me. That's one part lack of self-confidence, and one part anxiety talking...but he seems to get so angry whenever I mess up, as though I've let him so profoundly down...which makes me feel terrible. :\ I want to work at it - this is something I know I would enjoy, if I could work at it and do well. I also want to work at it because I know how much it means to him - but *because* it means so much to him, it bothers me even more when I feel like I can't do it. It's frustrating.
I promised I'd practice, and work at it, and I am. It just worries me how quickly he gets mad when I mess up, even when I'm trying. :\
...I don't know what the point of this post was, except maybe to get it out there. I do feel a bit better for writing it, and maybe I'll feel a bit better when Gil reads it.
Gil...I *am* trying, please have patience with me. *nuzzles and hugs you tight* I love you so very, very much, always remember that. :)