[Being.] I Don't Believe You
Series: Being.
Title: I Don't Believe You
Rating: PG
Genre: general, slight angst
Pairing: HoSu, mentioned JaeMin
Notes: No, it's not a GBtR update. Sorry~! That's still in the works, promise. I've been meaning to write this one for a while now but kept putting it off. Then with the news that the lawsuit had finally been settled, inspiration not only struck me but flat out ran me over. So here it is. ^^ (Lyrics from Pink's "I Don't Believe You")
Summary: Looks like you've given up, you've had enough / But I want more, no I won't stop
Others in the Series: Making It Right, Intentions
I Don't Believe You
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all
I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up
Looks like you've given up, you've had enough
But I want more, no I won't stop
'cause I just know you'll come around... right?
Junsu stares down at his phone screen, the too-familiar number mocking him from the display. Just daring him, waiting for him, to press the call button. His thumb hovers over the green square as he debates with himself. Call? Don't call? Had it been too long?
He blames his current dilemma on Jaejoong, really. While none of them had ever given up hope, their oldest had been the first to make any real contact with the other two by utilizing most of the contacts in his massive network to arrange a secret meeting with Changmin. Jaejoong had come back battered and bruised and smiling bigger than they'd seen from him in quite a while. The seeds in Junsu's mind had started growing then. If Changmin and Jaejoong could work out their issues…
Unable to hear that voice quite yet (or worse, have his call ignored), Junsu shifts away from the call button and hits the text message icon instead. He knows the message will get through, that Min had surreptitiously added all three of their numbers back into both phones. His actual message is short, but he knows Yunho will understand. I still don't believe you.
~*~~*~
Yunho stares at Junsu across the kitchen table. Junsu meets his gaze, determination giving his eyes an extra depth unique to Junsu. As flighty and cute as his projected image his, he's got a will of steel-covered granite. Once he decides on something, nothing can sway him from his path. That sureness and strength had been one of the most persuasive factors when Yunho had first been debating over starting a romantic relationship with him.
And it's probably the biggest reason Yunho can't see this conversation or its consequences coming out well for them. Yunho sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "I don't know what to say anymore, Junsu. I can't really think of anything we have left to say."
Yunho just barely catches the flash of hurt that crosses Junsu's face before it's covered by stubborn frustration. He knows the feeling is still there, though, that Junsu is just pushing it to the side for the moment, and he hates that he's the one responsible for it. "You could say that you understand why I need to do this," Junsu replies, not quite gently. "You could say you'll support me even if you don't agree with me, that we'll make this work somehow no matter what happens with the company."
A sardonic half-smile plays over Junsu's lips, an expression that would shatter his image in fangirls' minds if it ever appeared in public. Yunho is quite familiar with it, though usually not directed at him, and he braces for the next comment. "But that's right," Junsu continues, "you're perfectly content with them dictating your personal life. So maybe I should just ask them if you and I will still have a relationship after today."
"That's not fair," he protests quietly. Half-heartedly. Because no matter how much Yunho loves Junsu, even he knows he's toeing the line quite cautiously with SM right now. As the one who'd decided to stay, he doesn't really feel like he has the right to do anything else. "I… You should probably go."
Junsu shoves away from the table, hard enough that his chair clatters to the floor, and he stalks out of the room without picking it up. Yunho follows and watches as he grabs his small suitcase - the last of his stuff left at the apartment - waiting by the front door and slips on his shoes. "Don't come back here, Junsu," he says softly when Junsu reaches for the door handle. The hand freezes in mid-motion at the words. "I think it'll be for the best."
Shaking his head, Junsu turns to face him. Yunho's heart thumps painfully against his ribs when he sees the silent tears streaming down those round cheeks he used to pepper with kisses. "I don't believe you," Junsu states, solid and strong despite the tears. "Not for a single second do I believe you. And I'm not even close to being ready to give up on us." Wiping away the tears with his free hand, he finally opens the door and walks out.
~*~~*~
He spends the next hour with his phone clenched tightly in his hand, waiting for a reply. The next three after that, he picks it up and checks it every few minutes just in case he'd missed hearing it somehow. The uncertainty exhausts him, and he drifts into an uneasy sleep on his couch sometime after 2 a.m.
His dreams, when they come, are jumbled messes of mixed-up memories: heartbreak and laughter, failures and triumphs, loneliness, friendship, love of every kind. Tears of overwhelming joy and absolute dejection. He wakes with a jolt a few hours later and stares up at his dark ceiling.
~*~~*~
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Su," Jaejoong says gently, pulling the phone from Junsu's hands. When they'd first left, their now-youngest would send Yunho messages at least every other day. He'd slowed down a bit since then, but he still tried at least once a week. Not a single one was ever answered, and Junsu's once-bright eyes lost a little more of their light after every failure.
Junsu shakes his head. "I'm not doing anything, hyung," he replies, soft and detached. Jaejoong's heart aches for the shell their sunny mood-maker had become. He checks the phone now in his possession only to find that, just as Junsu had said, he hadn't been doing anything. In fact, the last message sent to Yunho's number had been nearly three weeks before. "I tried calling a few days after that last one. Their numbers have been changed. I kept expecting it, but since it's been almost a year now, I started to think… But whatever. Guess they really do want us out of their lives after all."
And Jaejoong vows then to absolutely kick Yunho's ass the next time he gets the chance. Junsu has always, always, found the silver lining of every situation with an enduring belief that everything would work out for the best. It twists Jaejoong into knots to see that something has finally destroyed that eternal optimism. "No, Su. I'm sure it's just the company. You know they-"
"What's the difference?" Junsu snaps, half-shouting and stunning Jaejoong into silence. He tries to remember the last time Junsu had spoken to anyone - let alone Jaejoong or any of the other members - in a tone like that and comes up empty. Junsu stands from the couch to pace furiously around the room. "It's not like they're exactly fighting it, hyung. They're not even trying."
Taking a few steps close to Junsu, the only thought on Jaejoong's mind is getting the younger one calmed down. When Jaejoong is almost close enough to reach out, Junsu turns abruptly and pins him with an expression full of doubt and pain. "Do you think they ever really loved us at all, hyung? Is there any point in hanging on still? In hoping?"
The questions hit so close to so many of Jaejoong's own deeply buried insecurities that he can't find any words at first to answer. By the time he manages to piece two coherent thoughts together, Junsu has already stormed away into his bedroom. Jaejoong pulls his own phone from his pocket and types out a hasty message to Heechul. Let Yunho know he's dead to me. Until Junsu is over him and back to our Junsu again, I don't even care to think about him.
~*~~*~
Yunho lays in bed and thumbs through all the messages he'd been too busy to check during the day. He can hear Changmin's low voice through the wall between their bedrooms and knows exactly who he's talking to this late at night. Or early in the morning. The thought leads directly into thoughts of his own boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend, he supposes, though they'd never had the chance to make it official. After almost two years of no contact - not even Junsu's one-sided texts - Yunho just assumes that the relationship is considered past tense.
So wrapped up in his musings, Yunho almost thinks he's imagining the name that shows up next on his display. He pauses then taps on the screen to see the full message. The words he sees immediately dismiss any doubts over the text's authenticity. He wonders when Min had been able to add the number to his phone, if the other two were there as well.
Then the meaning behind the message sinks in, and Yunho has to close his eyes against the surge of emotion. There's still hope. When Heechul had first passed along Jae's note a couple years before, Yunho had figured he'd finally killed any chance of ever reuniting with Junsu. He still doesn't know the details of what had prompted Jaejoong's declaration, but Eunhyuk hadn't spoken to him for weeks after, either, so Yunho knows it had to have been awful. And now, despite that, Junsu seems to be giving him another chance. Raising his phone again, Yunho taps on the reply button and starts to draft a response.
~*~~*~
Junsu eventually pulls himself off the couch with the thought of heading to his much softer bed. With one last glance at his phone, he decides to let it go. At least for the night. He can try again after a full night's rest. A few steps towards his bedroom, though, the rumble of his phone vibrating against the wood of his coffee table stops him. He turns to see the screen lit up with a new text message.
He crosses back quickly and snatches the phone up before scrawling in the unlock code. Hesitating for a moment, he reminds himself that his may not be the message he's been waiting for. In fact, it's far more likely to be drunken gibberish from one of the SoulMates. When he finally opens the message, though, his heart skips a beat at the name on top. And then again when he reads the words. I'm sorry. For everything I put you through, I'm sorry. Thank you for never giving us up even when I tried to. I'm ready to fight now, Su.
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Title: I Don't Believe You
Rating: PG
Genre: general, slight angst
Pairing: HoSu, mentioned JaeMin
Notes: No, it's not a GBtR update. Sorry~! That's still in the works, promise. I've been meaning to write this one for a while now but kept putting it off. Then with the news that the lawsuit had finally been settled, inspiration not only struck me but flat out ran me over. So here it is. ^^ (Lyrics from Pink's "I Don't Believe You")
Summary: Looks like you've given up, you've had enough / But I want more, no I won't stop
Others in the Series: Making It Right, Intentions
I Don't Believe You
No I don't believe you
When you say don't come around here no more
I won't remind you
You said we wouldn't be apart
No, I don't believe you
When you say you don't need me anymore
So don't pretend
To not love me at all
I don't mind it
I still don't mind at all
It's like one of those bad dreams when you can't wake up
Looks like you've given up, you've had enough
But I want more, no I won't stop
'cause I just know you'll come around... right?
Junsu stares down at his phone screen, the too-familiar number mocking him from the display. Just daring him, waiting for him, to press the call button. His thumb hovers over the green square as he debates with himself. Call? Don't call? Had it been too long?
He blames his current dilemma on Jaejoong, really. While none of them had ever given up hope, their oldest had been the first to make any real contact with the other two by utilizing most of the contacts in his massive network to arrange a secret meeting with Changmin. Jaejoong had come back battered and bruised and smiling bigger than they'd seen from him in quite a while. The seeds in Junsu's mind had started growing then. If Changmin and Jaejoong could work out their issues…
Unable to hear that voice quite yet (or worse, have his call ignored), Junsu shifts away from the call button and hits the text message icon instead. He knows the message will get through, that Min had surreptitiously added all three of their numbers back into both phones. His actual message is short, but he knows Yunho will understand. I still don't believe you.
~*~~*~
Yunho stares at Junsu across the kitchen table. Junsu meets his gaze, determination giving his eyes an extra depth unique to Junsu. As flighty and cute as his projected image his, he's got a will of steel-covered granite. Once he decides on something, nothing can sway him from his path. That sureness and strength had been one of the most persuasive factors when Yunho had first been debating over starting a romantic relationship with him.
And it's probably the biggest reason Yunho can't see this conversation or its consequences coming out well for them. Yunho sighs, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "I don't know what to say anymore, Junsu. I can't really think of anything we have left to say."
Yunho just barely catches the flash of hurt that crosses Junsu's face before it's covered by stubborn frustration. He knows the feeling is still there, though, that Junsu is just pushing it to the side for the moment, and he hates that he's the one responsible for it. "You could say that you understand why I need to do this," Junsu replies, not quite gently. "You could say you'll support me even if you don't agree with me, that we'll make this work somehow no matter what happens with the company."
A sardonic half-smile plays over Junsu's lips, an expression that would shatter his image in fangirls' minds if it ever appeared in public. Yunho is quite familiar with it, though usually not directed at him, and he braces for the next comment. "But that's right," Junsu continues, "you're perfectly content with them dictating your personal life. So maybe I should just ask them if you and I will still have a relationship after today."
"That's not fair," he protests quietly. Half-heartedly. Because no matter how much Yunho loves Junsu, even he knows he's toeing the line quite cautiously with SM right now. As the one who'd decided to stay, he doesn't really feel like he has the right to do anything else. "I… You should probably go."
Junsu shoves away from the table, hard enough that his chair clatters to the floor, and he stalks out of the room without picking it up. Yunho follows and watches as he grabs his small suitcase - the last of his stuff left at the apartment - waiting by the front door and slips on his shoes. "Don't come back here, Junsu," he says softly when Junsu reaches for the door handle. The hand freezes in mid-motion at the words. "I think it'll be for the best."
Shaking his head, Junsu turns to face him. Yunho's heart thumps painfully against his ribs when he sees the silent tears streaming down those round cheeks he used to pepper with kisses. "I don't believe you," Junsu states, solid and strong despite the tears. "Not for a single second do I believe you. And I'm not even close to being ready to give up on us." Wiping away the tears with his free hand, he finally opens the door and walks out.
~*~~*~
He spends the next hour with his phone clenched tightly in his hand, waiting for a reply. The next three after that, he picks it up and checks it every few minutes just in case he'd missed hearing it somehow. The uncertainty exhausts him, and he drifts into an uneasy sleep on his couch sometime after 2 a.m.
His dreams, when they come, are jumbled messes of mixed-up memories: heartbreak and laughter, failures and triumphs, loneliness, friendship, love of every kind. Tears of overwhelming joy and absolute dejection. He wakes with a jolt a few hours later and stares up at his dark ceiling.
~*~~*~
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Su," Jaejoong says gently, pulling the phone from Junsu's hands. When they'd first left, their now-youngest would send Yunho messages at least every other day. He'd slowed down a bit since then, but he still tried at least once a week. Not a single one was ever answered, and Junsu's once-bright eyes lost a little more of their light after every failure.
Junsu shakes his head. "I'm not doing anything, hyung," he replies, soft and detached. Jaejoong's heart aches for the shell their sunny mood-maker had become. He checks the phone now in his possession only to find that, just as Junsu had said, he hadn't been doing anything. In fact, the last message sent to Yunho's number had been nearly three weeks before. "I tried calling a few days after that last one. Their numbers have been changed. I kept expecting it, but since it's been almost a year now, I started to think… But whatever. Guess they really do want us out of their lives after all."
And Jaejoong vows then to absolutely kick Yunho's ass the next time he gets the chance. Junsu has always, always, found the silver lining of every situation with an enduring belief that everything would work out for the best. It twists Jaejoong into knots to see that something has finally destroyed that eternal optimism. "No, Su. I'm sure it's just the company. You know they-"
"What's the difference?" Junsu snaps, half-shouting and stunning Jaejoong into silence. He tries to remember the last time Junsu had spoken to anyone - let alone Jaejoong or any of the other members - in a tone like that and comes up empty. Junsu stands from the couch to pace furiously around the room. "It's not like they're exactly fighting it, hyung. They're not even trying."
Taking a few steps close to Junsu, the only thought on Jaejoong's mind is getting the younger one calmed down. When Jaejoong is almost close enough to reach out, Junsu turns abruptly and pins him with an expression full of doubt and pain. "Do you think they ever really loved us at all, hyung? Is there any point in hanging on still? In hoping?"
The questions hit so close to so many of Jaejoong's own deeply buried insecurities that he can't find any words at first to answer. By the time he manages to piece two coherent thoughts together, Junsu has already stormed away into his bedroom. Jaejoong pulls his own phone from his pocket and types out a hasty message to Heechul. Let Yunho know he's dead to me. Until Junsu is over him and back to our Junsu again, I don't even care to think about him.
~*~~*~
Yunho lays in bed and thumbs through all the messages he'd been too busy to check during the day. He can hear Changmin's low voice through the wall between their bedrooms and knows exactly who he's talking to this late at night. Or early in the morning. The thought leads directly into thoughts of his own boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend, he supposes, though they'd never had the chance to make it official. After almost two years of no contact - not even Junsu's one-sided texts - Yunho just assumes that the relationship is considered past tense.
So wrapped up in his musings, Yunho almost thinks he's imagining the name that shows up next on his display. He pauses then taps on the screen to see the full message. The words he sees immediately dismiss any doubts over the text's authenticity. He wonders when Min had been able to add the number to his phone, if the other two were there as well.
Then the meaning behind the message sinks in, and Yunho has to close his eyes against the surge of emotion. There's still hope. When Heechul had first passed along Jae's note a couple years before, Yunho had figured he'd finally killed any chance of ever reuniting with Junsu. He still doesn't know the details of what had prompted Jaejoong's declaration, but Eunhyuk hadn't spoken to him for weeks after, either, so Yunho knows it had to have been awful. And now, despite that, Junsu seems to be giving him another chance. Raising his phone again, Yunho taps on the reply button and starts to draft a response.
~*~~*~
Junsu eventually pulls himself off the couch with the thought of heading to his much softer bed. With one last glance at his phone, he decides to let it go. At least for the night. He can try again after a full night's rest. A few steps towards his bedroom, though, the rumble of his phone vibrating against the wood of his coffee table stops him. He turns to see the screen lit up with a new text message.
He crosses back quickly and snatches the phone up before scrawling in the unlock code. Hesitating for a moment, he reminds himself that his may not be the message he's been waiting for. In fact, it's far more likely to be drunken gibberish from one of the SoulMates. When he finally opens the message, though, his heart skips a beat at the name on top. And then again when he reads the words. I'm sorry. For everything I put you through, I'm sorry. Thank you for never giving us up even when I tried to. I'm ready to fight now, Su.
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