WonkaVision Album Review #6
Vagina Panther- “Vagina Panther”
As an even more insecure version of Karen O warbles profound lyrical gems like “Hello world, I’m posing for you. Tell me now, do you like what you see?” over trite 4/4 arena rock riffs, I’m forced to consider new methods of deriding something so wholly deserving of absolute degradation. I’d have to defile the corpses of the band members’ mothers to really even come close to leveling up the score. Use this disc for ethnic cleansing, not listening.
But you’re certainly not best served by too hastily believing me… so in the concern of objectivity I’ll reprint, verbatim, the wonderfully desperate autobiographical description that was plastered all over the inside of the disc jacket: “Vagina Panthers (or VP if yer sensitive) is an illegal rock band from Brooklyn, New York. Illegal for sure in a world where Bon Scott, Glen Danzig, and GG Allin can’t wed one another, but should. In a world of end times where getting hammered and throwing a brick through a window is a righteous reaction to the ticking clock. It’s the Black Flag-Led Zeppelin-Slayer influenced sound of breaking laws born of cheap hooch and raw riffs. A band imagining Chrissie Hynde as an Asian ex-sex slave - a woman-of-the-night surrounded by three burly white dudes flogging instruments - the sonic equivalent of a gang bang. Vagina Panther is for all the punks who got “real” jobs….and then realized they needed to BURN IT ALL DOWN. In that tradition, Vagina Panther recorded 11 tracks of white hot guitar sludge with producer/engineer Mario “J” McNulty (Ravonettes, Anti-Flag, Bowie) at New York City’s infamous Looking Glass Studios right before it was shuttered. The band’s self-titled debut is made to be played LOUD and to disturb the neighbors...”
Hey Vagina Panther, if Josh at Fanatic Promotion wrote that for you, fire him…even a step further, if you approved the use of that shit, stop being a band and go back to beating-off all over your own chests to fill the days: you’ll be much more successful.
It figures that these mad-with-hubris-and-ego-delusion third generation hipster fucks would spawn from Brooklyn. Stop worshiping a geographical location, you god damned mongoloid swine; you’re just giving more and more credence to a cultural Mein Kampf-like eugenics as each band and each new trend to emerge is more and more like the last. You’re shitting where you eat, drink, and fuck…it can’t come as a huge surprise to anyone who can see past their own delusional reflection that when Brooklyn is wiped off of the cultural map, our bowels will all simultaneously loosen as the tremendous psychic burden is excised from our subconscious. What a waste of my fucking time. Picture. [By: Steven DiEva]
Rating: .25/5
Release Date: November 3, 2009
As an even more insecure version of Karen O warbles profound lyrical gems like “Hello world, I’m posing for you. Tell me now, do you like what you see?” over trite 4/4 arena rock riffs, I’m forced to consider new methods of deriding something so wholly deserving of absolute degradation. I’d have to defile the corpses of the band members’ mothers to really even come close to leveling up the score. Use this disc for ethnic cleansing, not listening.
But you’re certainly not best served by too hastily believing me… so in the concern of objectivity I’ll reprint, verbatim, the wonderfully desperate autobiographical description that was plastered all over the inside of the disc jacket: “Vagina Panthers (or VP if yer sensitive) is an illegal rock band from Brooklyn, New York. Illegal for sure in a world where Bon Scott, Glen Danzig, and GG Allin can’t wed one another, but should. In a world of end times where getting hammered and throwing a brick through a window is a righteous reaction to the ticking clock. It’s the Black Flag-Led Zeppelin-Slayer influenced sound of breaking laws born of cheap hooch and raw riffs. A band imagining Chrissie Hynde as an Asian ex-sex slave - a woman-of-the-night surrounded by three burly white dudes flogging instruments - the sonic equivalent of a gang bang. Vagina Panther is for all the punks who got “real” jobs….and then realized they needed to BURN IT ALL DOWN. In that tradition, Vagina Panther recorded 11 tracks of white hot guitar sludge with producer/engineer Mario “J” McNulty (Ravonettes, Anti-Flag, Bowie) at New York City’s infamous Looking Glass Studios right before it was shuttered. The band’s self-titled debut is made to be played LOUD and to disturb the neighbors...”
Hey Vagina Panther, if Josh at Fanatic Promotion wrote that for you, fire him…even a step further, if you approved the use of that shit, stop being a band and go back to beating-off all over your own chests to fill the days: you’ll be much more successful.
It figures that these mad-with-hubris-and-ego-delusion third generation hipster fucks would spawn from Brooklyn. Stop worshiping a geographical location, you god damned mongoloid swine; you’re just giving more and more credence to a cultural Mein Kampf-like eugenics as each band and each new trend to emerge is more and more like the last. You’re shitting where you eat, drink, and fuck…it can’t come as a huge surprise to anyone who can see past their own delusional reflection that when Brooklyn is wiped off of the cultural map, our bowels will all simultaneously loosen as the tremendous psychic burden is excised from our subconscious. What a waste of my fucking time. Picture. [By: Steven DiEva]
Rating: .25/5
Release Date: November 3, 2009