Im cuddling close to blankets and sheets.
Lately things have just been so ... emotionally and physically draining. Hard, depressing, and yet so full of hope for tomorrow.
Im not sure where i left my life. For so long i have been taking care of other people and looking out for their safety that i some how lost myself and lost control of where i stood with myself and where i was trying go with my life. I need to learn how to leave my past just there...in the past. I have a tendancy to bring it back into current and future life. Some things need to be left behind, and i have a hard time decifering those that i can carry with me, and those that i need to leave in the dark.
I need to figure out whats good for myself...not for my mom and dad, not for my friends, and not for aaron. But just for me. I don't think i have ever sat down and evaluated what did make me happy. Not who, but what. And where i want to take that "what". Becuase i can have a who, but not a what, and then i'll just end up miserable anytways because i have nothing to make myself smile. I love what i am doing in school, and i love the people i have met there. I know that i want to end up in california with it, but will i?
Aaron is a great guy. He takes care of me...especially lately. Its hard that he lives in toldeo, but we are getting through it. His phone is broken right now too, so that makes it double hard...but i guess it's worth the fight for this relationship. Its the only way to know where it could go.
i just want to know where im supposed to go, what im supposed to do, and who cares enough to stick through it all with me. I still need that shoulder to cry on sometimes, and i have aaron, which makes me feel better...but i need a friend some times......not a lover, but a friend. I just wish that true friends existed in my world... but so far it seems that all my friends want is me to be there for them, and then when leah needs some one they are no where to be found. Maybe im bound to go down this road of life a lone. And thats fine...i can handel it...i wouldnt be opposed to a little help along the way.
Im not sure where i left my life. For so long i have been taking care of other people and looking out for their safety that i some how lost myself and lost control of where i stood with myself and where i was trying go with my life. I need to learn how to leave my past just there...in the past. I have a tendancy to bring it back into current and future life. Some things need to be left behind, and i have a hard time decifering those that i can carry with me, and those that i need to leave in the dark.
I need to figure out whats good for myself...not for my mom and dad, not for my friends, and not for aaron. But just for me. I don't think i have ever sat down and evaluated what did make me happy. Not who, but what. And where i want to take that "what". Becuase i can have a who, but not a what, and then i'll just end up miserable anytways because i have nothing to make myself smile. I love what i am doing in school, and i love the people i have met there. I know that i want to end up in california with it, but will i?
Aaron is a great guy. He takes care of me...especially lately. Its hard that he lives in toldeo, but we are getting through it. His phone is broken right now too, so that makes it double hard...but i guess it's worth the fight for this relationship. Its the only way to know where it could go.
i just want to know where im supposed to go, what im supposed to do, and who cares enough to stick through it all with me. I still need that shoulder to cry on sometimes, and i have aaron, which makes me feel better...but i need a friend some times......not a lover, but a friend. I just wish that true friends existed in my world... but so far it seems that all my friends want is me to be there for them, and then when leah needs some one they are no where to be found. Maybe im bound to go down this road of life a lone. And thats fine...i can handel it...i wouldnt be opposed to a little help along the way.