Time to post again..
So maybe it would be a good time to post something again. It's odd - almost every other day I think I should post something, but then I get distracted and don't do it. By the time I do almost a month passes. Maybe I should have the leaky mind speak more often, however sometimes I worry that if I do, I'd piss people off. So once again I keep a lot to myself. Maybe that's why I'm going insane. I'm discouraged by so many things, plus I get distracted so easily that it pretty much scares me. Not even my meds are working these days, so I might need to ask for a higher dosage of them...
I want to go back to school next semester, but once again I'm not sure if I can. I'm planning on applying for financial aid, but I think it might be too late to get that for the spring semester. I might have to do it for the fall. In terms of getting loans...well we all know the student loan market is pretty much at it's worst so I really don't know how that's going to work out. So in that way I'm stuck. Of course the biggest problem I have is focusing on signing up and finding out what I need to do to get my certification. Any time I try to focus on this, stuff comes up...
It's back to the same old thing - the house is driving me up the wall. I just don't want to live with all these people. Like I've said before - I'd be perfectly fine if it were just Marc, Meg and I. Hell I'd even be fine if it were Marc and I, and Meg and Adrian living here together in the house. But that's it! No one else. I'm sick and tired of babysitting people, going after rent when they are 30 years of age, etc. The worst thing is, my parents are so busy with their stuff that they don't even try to worry about the house, so it's all on me. I mean I keep reminding paps to proof the rental agreements Marc and I redid, so he can say they are okay and then send them to us to get signed and sofar - nothing! It's been since August like this!! I can't enforce anything in the house, since there is no agreement to go by so my hands are tied! It just pisses me off. I'm already in a rut, the house just adds to it
I mean granted they say I can move out if I want to, but how can I? Okay I move out and then what? The house will get trashed because no one is watching over it, since it's not like they are going to come every week to check on it. I'll be lucky if I get Mom over here once every 3 months. I think the last time Paps came here was my graduation!
There are things going on in the house that I'm not okay with, the guys are CONSTANTLY leaving the lights on...don't get me started on how high are our Electric bill is now! In my now 4 years of living in this house have I EVER seen a bill this high!!! I almost know how a frat house feels now. It's crazy. People don't pay me in time, so for the people that do, they get stuck with me taking longer to deposit stuff, since I keep hoping to get the money from the rest of them so I can make the trip to the bank. One of my housemates still owes us last months rent and this months rent - he told me he needed to get it from his parents. Okay that's all good..he apparently saw his parents a month ago, so I seriously have to babysit him to get me rent! I mean at 30 you'd think he'd be responsible enough to come to me and give me the money. I just want to throw people out. Honestly I just want to have this house to myself for the last half of the year, now that would make me truly happy.
So with all that I just don't know what to do. On a good note, seems like Marc is finally doing better in school. He gets just as distracted as me. I just hope he can deal with more classes next semester or we'll never get out of Keene. Don't get me wrong - I love Keene. It's a really nice town, however I think this town is also the reason I'm in a rut. The job market is horrible here so I'm stuck working at Walmart, plus I honestly believe that even my Fraternity is sick of me being here and wants me to leave too. Ugh... yea that's a whole other issue.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about that one but I might. I doubt that it's the first time I've mentioned it here. Pretty much I believe that they 1. never really liked me or 2. are just sick and tired of me or of course 3. just don't care, I'm not sure. Of course parts of it might be my fault. See the reason I wanted to join a fraternity was to be apart of a big family, a group of people that spend time together, have fun together plus just to be involved in something. Some who have known me for many years know that I'm very Anti-Social at times. I'm one of those people who are VERY content being alone in front of the computer minding their own business. I have no problem entertaining myself at any time. The good thing is that I did recognize this to be a problem and wanted to fix it. I mean if I want to be a teacher, I can't really be a shy person so I wanted to fix that. I figured this would be perfect.
As a whole I've had my ups and down times with DNY/Psi U, sometimes I was able to push myself to get out of the room and go over and hang out with them, other times it was harder. This is another reason though I've been pushing the point of staying active while I'm here. If I don't stay active I'll just crawl into my whole and never come out, but if I'm still actively involved then I'd stay around people. It's sad...I was doing well for a while but I keep slipping back into my ways. Hell - sometimes for the few that actually care about me there I feel bad for them, because they'll try really hard to get me out and I'll have one of those days where I still don't go out. Ugh...it's frustrating to me that I'm the way I am. I just hope that my brothers and sisters that actually like me don't give up on me. I just hope that one day I'll stop being this way. I just wish they'd understand me, and wish they would like the fact that I'm at every meeting and active even though I've already graduated instead of a nuisance. ::le sigh::
I'm trying to not go all over the place since I started this entry a few hours ago and once again got distracted. During all this I ordered a Salad which was really yummy! Plus I watched the Sisterhood of the traveling pants 2. It's a really good movie, can't wait to buy it. Maybe I'll put it on that xmas list of mine. LOL. I really should work on that soon, and try not to buy more things before xmas or it will be hard for everyone to find xmas gifts for me.
Another issue of mine I need to work on is staying in touch with everyone. I mean...honestly unless you're in Keene, I have a hard time staying in touch with people including my family. It makes me sad and I wish it weren't that way. I was in touch with people from Germany a couple of weeks ago, but got distracted again, and pretty much stopped talking to them. Yea..need to fix that. Poor Dustin wants to talk to me, and so does Claudia and Karoline. All this makes me want to go to Germany as soon as I can, but then there is the other problem I'm dealing with.
A month or two ago I was being really good and watching what I was eating so I can slowly lose weight. Then the stress of the house, work and other issues around me got bad and now I'm back to square one. It's annoying because I was doing really well. I wasn't eating out a lot, and I was watching how much I ate a day and how many calories I was taking in...now I'm back to sorta watching what I eat, but almost every day I order out dinner with Marc. I don't want to even think how much I might have gained back, probably not too much, however I'm not exactly losing anything so that's bad. I really need to lose the weight, since I want to return to Germany next year, and I can't have people see me as this ugly ass blimp!
In other news...this month has been busy. Lots of Psi U things going on. We just had 3 new members finish and are now official brothers of Psi U. Yesterday we also got initiated into the org. as well! Now we just have to wait until our Paperwork is done so we can become an official chapter, since we're still a colony. Halloween was fun. At the social I got a little too drunk off the punch and got really sick, but at least my party was a lot of fun the next day. Pumpkin Fest wasn't that special this year. I got sick during it so I had to miss a lot of it, then again I was sick most of the month which was hell. Believe me I'm lucky that I didn't get fired, coz normally they would complain that I've missed a lot of work. At the same time it's not exactly my fault since I didn't ask to be sick.
So I think I'm going to end this long entry here. Hope I didn't bore you all to death or piss anyone off. There is more going on in that head of mine, but I think I should stop here, before I get distracted again and don't post this. Take care everyone.
laterz <3
I want to go back to school next semester, but once again I'm not sure if I can. I'm planning on applying for financial aid, but I think it might be too late to get that for the spring semester. I might have to do it for the fall. In terms of getting loans...well we all know the student loan market is pretty much at it's worst so I really don't know how that's going to work out. So in that way I'm stuck. Of course the biggest problem I have is focusing on signing up and finding out what I need to do to get my certification. Any time I try to focus on this, stuff comes up...
It's back to the same old thing - the house is driving me up the wall. I just don't want to live with all these people. Like I've said before - I'd be perfectly fine if it were just Marc, Meg and I. Hell I'd even be fine if it were Marc and I, and Meg and Adrian living here together in the house. But that's it! No one else. I'm sick and tired of babysitting people, going after rent when they are 30 years of age, etc. The worst thing is, my parents are so busy with their stuff that they don't even try to worry about the house, so it's all on me. I mean I keep reminding paps to proof the rental agreements Marc and I redid, so he can say they are okay and then send them to us to get signed and sofar - nothing! It's been since August like this!! I can't enforce anything in the house, since there is no agreement to go by so my hands are tied! It just pisses me off. I'm already in a rut, the house just adds to it
I mean granted they say I can move out if I want to, but how can I? Okay I move out and then what? The house will get trashed because no one is watching over it, since it's not like they are going to come every week to check on it. I'll be lucky if I get Mom over here once every 3 months. I think the last time Paps came here was my graduation!
There are things going on in the house that I'm not okay with, the guys are CONSTANTLY leaving the lights on...don't get me started on how high are our Electric bill is now! In my now 4 years of living in this house have I EVER seen a bill this high!!! I almost know how a frat house feels now. It's crazy. People don't pay me in time, so for the people that do, they get stuck with me taking longer to deposit stuff, since I keep hoping to get the money from the rest of them so I can make the trip to the bank. One of my housemates still owes us last months rent and this months rent - he told me he needed to get it from his parents. Okay that's all good..he apparently saw his parents a month ago, so I seriously have to babysit him to get me rent! I mean at 30 you'd think he'd be responsible enough to come to me and give me the money. I just want to throw people out. Honestly I just want to have this house to myself for the last half of the year, now that would make me truly happy.
So with all that I just don't know what to do. On a good note, seems like Marc is finally doing better in school. He gets just as distracted as me. I just hope he can deal with more classes next semester or we'll never get out of Keene. Don't get me wrong - I love Keene. It's a really nice town, however I think this town is also the reason I'm in a rut. The job market is horrible here so I'm stuck working at Walmart, plus I honestly believe that even my Fraternity is sick of me being here and wants me to leave too. Ugh... yea that's a whole other issue.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about that one but I might. I doubt that it's the first time I've mentioned it here. Pretty much I believe that they 1. never really liked me or 2. are just sick and tired of me or of course 3. just don't care, I'm not sure. Of course parts of it might be my fault. See the reason I wanted to join a fraternity was to be apart of a big family, a group of people that spend time together, have fun together plus just to be involved in something. Some who have known me for many years know that I'm very Anti-Social at times. I'm one of those people who are VERY content being alone in front of the computer minding their own business. I have no problem entertaining myself at any time. The good thing is that I did recognize this to be a problem and wanted to fix it. I mean if I want to be a teacher, I can't really be a shy person so I wanted to fix that. I figured this would be perfect.
As a whole I've had my ups and down times with DNY/Psi U, sometimes I was able to push myself to get out of the room and go over and hang out with them, other times it was harder. This is another reason though I've been pushing the point of staying active while I'm here. If I don't stay active I'll just crawl into my whole and never come out, but if I'm still actively involved then I'd stay around people. It's sad...I was doing well for a while but I keep slipping back into my ways. Hell - sometimes for the few that actually care about me there I feel bad for them, because they'll try really hard to get me out and I'll have one of those days where I still don't go out. Ugh...it's frustrating to me that I'm the way I am. I just hope that my brothers and sisters that actually like me don't give up on me. I just hope that one day I'll stop being this way. I just wish they'd understand me, and wish they would like the fact that I'm at every meeting and active even though I've already graduated instead of a nuisance. ::le sigh::
I'm trying to not go all over the place since I started this entry a few hours ago and once again got distracted. During all this I ordered a Salad which was really yummy! Plus I watched the Sisterhood of the traveling pants 2. It's a really good movie, can't wait to buy it. Maybe I'll put it on that xmas list of mine. LOL. I really should work on that soon, and try not to buy more things before xmas or it will be hard for everyone to find xmas gifts for me.
Another issue of mine I need to work on is staying in touch with everyone. I mean...honestly unless you're in Keene, I have a hard time staying in touch with people including my family. It makes me sad and I wish it weren't that way. I was in touch with people from Germany a couple of weeks ago, but got distracted again, and pretty much stopped talking to them. Yea..need to fix that. Poor Dustin wants to talk to me, and so does Claudia and Karoline. All this makes me want to go to Germany as soon as I can, but then there is the other problem I'm dealing with.
A month or two ago I was being really good and watching what I was eating so I can slowly lose weight. Then the stress of the house, work and other issues around me got bad and now I'm back to square one. It's annoying because I was doing really well. I wasn't eating out a lot, and I was watching how much I ate a day and how many calories I was taking in...now I'm back to sorta watching what I eat, but almost every day I order out dinner with Marc. I don't want to even think how much I might have gained back, probably not too much, however I'm not exactly losing anything so that's bad. I really need to lose the weight, since I want to return to Germany next year, and I can't have people see me as this ugly ass blimp!
In other news...this month has been busy. Lots of Psi U things going on. We just had 3 new members finish and are now official brothers of Psi U. Yesterday we also got initiated into the org. as well! Now we just have to wait until our Paperwork is done so we can become an official chapter, since we're still a colony. Halloween was fun. At the social I got a little too drunk off the punch and got really sick, but at least my party was a lot of fun the next day. Pumpkin Fest wasn't that special this year. I got sick during it so I had to miss a lot of it, then again I was sick most of the month which was hell. Believe me I'm lucky that I didn't get fired, coz normally they would complain that I've missed a lot of work. At the same time it's not exactly my fault since I didn't ask to be sick.
So I think I'm going to end this long entry here. Hope I didn't bore you all to death or piss anyone off. There is more going on in that head of mine, but I think I should stop here, before I get distracted again and don't post this. Take care everyone.
laterz <3