Another Blah....
So now I'm finally not sick anymore, thank god! Believe me..it sucked! I missed two days of work, and work another day without a voice. Talk about nasty. Now I'm just going nuts at work per usual. It's busy there, but things are at least going well....for now.
Then there is the house situation. Which it seemed like it got better, but I guess it didn't. I was dealing with the guys better, but I guess there are still problems. Now they are always having people over till 4 am! Sometimes even later..and they are playing music and talking loud making it hard for Meg to sleep at night. See I know Meg will never tell the guys this, but I still hear about it from her about how frustrating it is that they are up so late. I mean there is nothing wrong with being up late in your room. Hell I'm up till 4 am quite often, however many times you'd never know it since I'm in my room with the door closed and not being loud. Where as they are running around the house between rooms talking.
I think the reason it bothers me even more now, is because today I went to tell Meg that I think I finally decided on when to have my annual Halloween Party, and yes it is annual since I've had it here at the house every single year since I've moved in, so to me it's sorta a tradition. Well as soon as I told her, even though she didn't say it, her face and expression did all the talking which basically said "Oh god not another party!!". Greaaaaaat! I mean I know Meg isn't a big party person, however I know in the past she's never minded my Halloween Party, so I know that the reason she's reacting this way has to do with the guys CONSTANTLY having people over since they've moved in. Meaning the last thing she wants is ANOTHER PARTY with people here till late! That really hit me. So now thanks to them it's ruining my tradition?! That's not fair! I only throw about 3 parties a year. The Halloween Party, small Xmas Party and my Birthday Party that's it!! The Halloween Party is the only BIG Party I actually have here. This just sucks and makes me mad. I don't know what to do.
I mean I told her that I'm going to make sure people leave by 2 am, latest 3 am...but how will I be sure that guys have their friends leave then too? I don't know. I almost don't want any of their friends there...I don't know. The date I was thinking of is Nov. 1st. The other thing that sucks is that's the day Liz is moving back home. Ugh! I really wanted her here at the party, but there is no way to push the party to a different date, since the Psi U Halloween Party is on Oct. 31st. I just don't know.
Another issue I'm dealing with is...well..trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I mean I try so hard to be social. I want to be more social, yet I feel myself slipping more and more back into my old ways of just wanting to stay in my room all the time. I don't know what to do. Like last night I was going to go to the Psi U Party..and yet once again I didn't go. I mean if I really wanted to go THAT BADLY I would have gone. Instead I feel like I'm coming up with excuse after excuse. I would understand those excuses if at least I was being super productive which I try to be, but even that doesn't end up happening most of the time which is worrying me too.
I've been back on my ADD meds for a week now, with that I was hoping it would make me focus more on getting the Psi U site done, and the composite, which is something I always try to get done on my two days off a week...yet what ends up happening? I sit there all day and surf around looking at greek shops, other greek sites, and then I'll have a show running on my big monitor while my laptop is open and try to work on a site...and yet...I end up just getting distracted and watching the show. Nothing gets done! I mean...have I lost my drive? I don't what's wrong with me! Are the meds not working??? I know in the past they have. Usually I'd get very focused and could get stuff done - but nothing is working so once again I look stupid and get nothing done! I mean no wonder people at Psi U don't care about me. I'm just dead weight to the org. I just feel like I'm falling apart. I don't have a drive for anything. Back in the day if I wanted to do something I did it, how else did I learn how to make webpages? Exactly I taught myself how to do it. If I still had that drive, the site wouldn't suck as much as it does because I would have taught myself how to use drupal. It's odd..I used to work well under stress...when I had a deadline..but it's not the same anymore. I feel like I'm an empty shell... hell I've gotten so bad that I feel like I even push people away.
I mean...I hang out with people less and less, I take forever to reply to people messages or phone calls, which I really don't mean to do...it just happens..and really frustrates me. ::sigh:: I just don't know what to do anymore...I don't know myself anymore.
Anyway..I better get ready for work. Ugh..
Laterz everyone
Then there is the house situation. Which it seemed like it got better, but I guess it didn't. I was dealing with the guys better, but I guess there are still problems. Now they are always having people over till 4 am! Sometimes even later..and they are playing music and talking loud making it hard for Meg to sleep at night. See I know Meg will never tell the guys this, but I still hear about it from her about how frustrating it is that they are up so late. I mean there is nothing wrong with being up late in your room. Hell I'm up till 4 am quite often, however many times you'd never know it since I'm in my room with the door closed and not being loud. Where as they are running around the house between rooms talking.
I think the reason it bothers me even more now, is because today I went to tell Meg that I think I finally decided on when to have my annual Halloween Party, and yes it is annual since I've had it here at the house every single year since I've moved in, so to me it's sorta a tradition. Well as soon as I told her, even though she didn't say it, her face and expression did all the talking which basically said "Oh god not another party!!". Greaaaaaat! I mean I know Meg isn't a big party person, however I know in the past she's never minded my Halloween Party, so I know that the reason she's reacting this way has to do with the guys CONSTANTLY having people over since they've moved in. Meaning the last thing she wants is ANOTHER PARTY with people here till late! That really hit me. So now thanks to them it's ruining my tradition?! That's not fair! I only throw about 3 parties a year. The Halloween Party, small Xmas Party and my Birthday Party that's it!! The Halloween Party is the only BIG Party I actually have here. This just sucks and makes me mad. I don't know what to do.
I mean I told her that I'm going to make sure people leave by 2 am, latest 3 am...but how will I be sure that guys have their friends leave then too? I don't know. I almost don't want any of their friends there...I don't know. The date I was thinking of is Nov. 1st. The other thing that sucks is that's the day Liz is moving back home. Ugh! I really wanted her here at the party, but there is no way to push the party to a different date, since the Psi U Halloween Party is on Oct. 31st. I just don't know.
Another issue I'm dealing with is...well..trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I mean I try so hard to be social. I want to be more social, yet I feel myself slipping more and more back into my old ways of just wanting to stay in my room all the time. I don't know what to do. Like last night I was going to go to the Psi U Party..and yet once again I didn't go. I mean if I really wanted to go THAT BADLY I would have gone. Instead I feel like I'm coming up with excuse after excuse. I would understand those excuses if at least I was being super productive which I try to be, but even that doesn't end up happening most of the time which is worrying me too.
I've been back on my ADD meds for a week now, with that I was hoping it would make me focus more on getting the Psi U site done, and the composite, which is something I always try to get done on my two days off a week...yet what ends up happening? I sit there all day and surf around looking at greek shops, other greek sites, and then I'll have a show running on my big monitor while my laptop is open and try to work on a site...and yet...I end up just getting distracted and watching the show. Nothing gets done! I mean...have I lost my drive? I don't what's wrong with me! Are the meds not working??? I know in the past they have. Usually I'd get very focused and could get stuff done - but nothing is working so once again I look stupid and get nothing done! I mean no wonder people at Psi U don't care about me. I'm just dead weight to the org. I just feel like I'm falling apart. I don't have a drive for anything. Back in the day if I wanted to do something I did it, how else did I learn how to make webpages? Exactly I taught myself how to do it. If I still had that drive, the site wouldn't suck as much as it does because I would have taught myself how to use drupal. It's odd..I used to work well under stress...when I had a deadline..but it's not the same anymore. I feel like I'm an empty shell... hell I've gotten so bad that I feel like I even push people away.
I mean...I hang out with people less and less, I take forever to reply to people messages or phone calls, which I really don't mean to do...it just happens..and really frustrates me. ::sigh:: I just don't know what to do anymore...I don't know myself anymore.
Anyway..I better get ready for work. Ugh..
Laterz everyone