please God, make summer go by faster....

May 29, 2005 23:58


You scored as Padme Amidala.

Padme Amidala
69%
Yoda
67%
R2-D2
58%
Darth Vader
56%
C-3PO
47%
Anakin Skywalker
42%
Clone Trooper
36%
Obi Wan Kenobi
31%
Mace Windu
22%
General Grievous
19%
Chewbacca
17%
Emperor Palpatine
6%
Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

I scored points for Padme just by being a girl..hmm. I wish I had cool clothes like her (see: Episode II). And I can't blame her at all for giving up her will to live. I got into yet another fight with my dad today...he said he was "tired of me" and "sick of my attitude." My mom said I have to control my anger for him- they're both right. I have an attitude with my dad, I can't stand him. I don't like how he communicates with me, I dont like it when he attempts to be affectionate, I don't like his selfish behavior, or his temper- I just dont really like him. And I have a lot of built up frustration in our relationship, a lot. I usually cry when he yells at me, but today there was no emotion, I looked right into his eyes, heard everything he said, and kept doing exactly was I was doing without flinching. My dad puts up his walls, and I put up mine. I see we are both to blame- but I have no will to fix it. Maybe that comes knowing that even when I tried really hard to be better, he was still the same- like the effort was wasted on him. When I was a kid my dad went on a lot of business trips, and he would always bring me back a cat figure, some glass, some clay- all different. When I was young, I just liked getting the gifts. When I was a teenager I began to look at my room filled with cat figures as each small representations for the times my dad wasn't in my life. Now in my early twenties I see these cats as my dads means of communication- tokens to express his love, always buying things to say, "i love you" or "i missed you" or the worst, "i'm sorry." We are very much alike, although I hate to admit it, infact- I have come to believe that part of the reason I cannot stand my father is because I see in him everything I cannot stand in myself, plus he would rather be a critic of my flaws than his own. I'm scared that my anger and hate for him will never undo itself, that it will remain this way until one of us dies. My dad handed me my acceptance letter into the college of social work, a profession of my choice that he completely tore me down for choosing, and walked out of the room before I even opened it. my mom congratulated me and kissed my cheek. my dad's genes have given me lovely abilities, good work ethic, maturity, and a 4.0- but whats the point of a 4.0 if you cant communicate with your own family? whats the point of working the 9-5 and making big bucks so that everyone can have 100 channels on their tvs, and never have to sit together in one house? whats the point of paying for your kid's college, if you dont believe in their dreams? whats the point of making it look like its a perfect family- when everyone knows there's no such thing?

"this is your life, are you who you want to be?" - switchfoot
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