Of Improvements and Old Insecurities.
I have been over come by a feeling of dazed confusion. I think, as Ashley once put it, I have been possessed by the Demon of Retardation. I shouldn't complain though, as these tend to be my best moods for thinking and contemplation. At the current time I'm just sitting and watching "Pumpkin Head II: Blood Wings". While I'll admit to thinking Pumpkinhead is a real ugly critter [cool looking too!!], this movie just...sucks major ass in the way of effects and acting. I guess I shouldn't expect too much from horror movies though, with the lack of quality they seem to hold anymore. I've considered giving them up completely, but they're far too much fun. I'm really looking forward to seeing "Dawn of the Dead" at some point in the future as well. I have somewhat of a zombie fetish.
So, the day has held little in the way of excitement. I awoke later then normal, several hours later then normal to be honest, and the only real accomplishment of the day has been gathering the motivation to call Ashley. It wasn't the liveliest of conversations, I think we were both brain dead at the time, but we held through for about an hour talking about all manner of strange things. I believe the act of eating insects was one topic, as we were both watching the same Animal Planet special at the time. It was a nice highlight to my day though, just to hear her voice and talk. Beyond that I haven't done much of anything.
I'm considering making an attempt to improve my "Werewolf" style drawings. I'm becoming disenchanted drawing furries all the time, though I still enjoy the artwork, and my animal anatomy needs some work. So I suppose for the next few weeks, when I have the time, I will be working on improvements to my style. I love Werewolf artwork, and I hope to be able to start up with it again. I really miss working on art as much as I used to, and I want to improve. It's one of the few things I enjoy doing, and I don't want my minute ability to be good at it to slip away. So prehaps I will work on my werewolf anatomy, as well as my ink work, coloring, and just style over all. I've improved, noticeably, over a short amount of time but no where near my expectations. I may also begin writing again. Maybe not anything coherent, or good, or that I will even show to anyone else...but writing again nonetheless. I feel I've neglected that ability, and if I don't work on it sometime soon that negligence will cme back to bite me in the ass.
I've been thinking of working in psionics as well. Practicing with the creation of psiballs and sheilding, and--maybe--strengthening my empathy and learning to control it a bit better. I'd like to be able to focus on recieving the emotions of only a single individual, or maybe two, but to block out the rest. I really don't care how most people are feeling, just a few associates that I care deeply for. It would be a ability to have, so I would know how people were really feeling and whether or not I could cheer them up. I tend to come off as worrisome [and annoying, I'm sure] when I continously question individuals on whether or not they are upset. I care, but prehaps I do worry a bit too much at times.
I'm kind of lonely right now, which is why I'm writing here. I just want something to communicate with, or to, and this journal is the best I've got. I feel that prehaps I'm too dependent upon socialization to become happy. I'm never happy when I'm not in contact with another individual in some form or another--be it in person, over the phone, or online. I'm too clingy for my own good sometimes, too protective and snuggly I think, and I've got no doubt in my mind that it doesn't get on Ashley's nerves most of the time. I just have the little bit of a delimma in never being able to decide whether I'm being too responsive or not responsive enough. I suppose that's just my own paranoid insecurity. Hopefully I'll figure it all out eventually, before I fuck things up too badly to be saved. And I really don't want to screw this up. You know...I realized just now, flipping through my calender, that I have a book report due on what will be [if we're still in a relationship] our one month anniversary. And it's for my Geometry class. Go figure. Leave it up to math to ruin what should be a nice day.
Oh, wow, April is "Mini-Series Month" on SciFi. A new chance to watch "Taken" and "Firestarter: Rekindled"! Yay! God I love those aliens and whats-her-name....And "Gothika" is coming out on video Tuesday...I'll finally get to see it, when I have the money to rent or buy it. I do believe I'll disappear for the time being, I think dinner will be served soon [wow, it's early], and I'm going to be making some punch afterwards. God I love my punch, even more then I love my SoBe. If you want to make me happy, or own part of my soul, give me punch and I give you my life. Plus Ashley's going to call me sometime tonight from Famous Anthony's with my schedule for this week. She's so sweet ^_^
So, the day has held little in the way of excitement. I awoke later then normal, several hours later then normal to be honest, and the only real accomplishment of the day has been gathering the motivation to call Ashley. It wasn't the liveliest of conversations, I think we were both brain dead at the time, but we held through for about an hour talking about all manner of strange things. I believe the act of eating insects was one topic, as we were both watching the same Animal Planet special at the time. It was a nice highlight to my day though, just to hear her voice and talk. Beyond that I haven't done much of anything.
I'm considering making an attempt to improve my "Werewolf" style drawings. I'm becoming disenchanted drawing furries all the time, though I still enjoy the artwork, and my animal anatomy needs some work. So I suppose for the next few weeks, when I have the time, I will be working on improvements to my style. I love Werewolf artwork, and I hope to be able to start up with it again. I really miss working on art as much as I used to, and I want to improve. It's one of the few things I enjoy doing, and I don't want my minute ability to be good at it to slip away. So prehaps I will work on my werewolf anatomy, as well as my ink work, coloring, and just style over all. I've improved, noticeably, over a short amount of time but no where near my expectations. I may also begin writing again. Maybe not anything coherent, or good, or that I will even show to anyone else...but writing again nonetheless. I feel I've neglected that ability, and if I don't work on it sometime soon that negligence will cme back to bite me in the ass.
I've been thinking of working in psionics as well. Practicing with the creation of psiballs and sheilding, and--maybe--strengthening my empathy and learning to control it a bit better. I'd like to be able to focus on recieving the emotions of only a single individual, or maybe two, but to block out the rest. I really don't care how most people are feeling, just a few associates that I care deeply for. It would be a ability to have, so I would know how people were really feeling and whether or not I could cheer them up. I tend to come off as worrisome [and annoying, I'm sure] when I continously question individuals on whether or not they are upset. I care, but prehaps I do worry a bit too much at times.
I'm kind of lonely right now, which is why I'm writing here. I just want something to communicate with, or to, and this journal is the best I've got. I feel that prehaps I'm too dependent upon socialization to become happy. I'm never happy when I'm not in contact with another individual in some form or another--be it in person, over the phone, or online. I'm too clingy for my own good sometimes, too protective and snuggly I think, and I've got no doubt in my mind that it doesn't get on Ashley's nerves most of the time. I just have the little bit of a delimma in never being able to decide whether I'm being too responsive or not responsive enough. I suppose that's just my own paranoid insecurity. Hopefully I'll figure it all out eventually, before I fuck things up too badly to be saved. And I really don't want to screw this up. You know...I realized just now, flipping through my calender, that I have a book report due on what will be [if we're still in a relationship] our one month anniversary. And it's for my Geometry class. Go figure. Leave it up to math to ruin what should be a nice day.
Oh, wow, April is "Mini-Series Month" on SciFi. A new chance to watch "Taken" and "Firestarter: Rekindled"! Yay! God I love those aliens and whats-her-name....And "Gothika" is coming out on video Tuesday...I'll finally get to see it, when I have the money to rent or buy it. I do believe I'll disappear for the time being, I think dinner will be served soon [wow, it's early], and I'm going to be making some punch afterwards. God I love my punch, even more then I love my SoBe. If you want to make me happy, or own part of my soul, give me punch and I give you my life. Plus Ashley's going to call me sometime tonight from Famous Anthony's with my schedule for this week. She's so sweet ^_^