(no subject)
As 21 Approaches…
I have had a rocky year. For those of you who know me best, you know that my family situation this year has been one of constant tumult, frustration, anxiety, heart ache and the like. For those of you who know me even more you understand just how much I was hoping to be in Europe for the fall semester - sometimes we don’t get what we want right away because there is something else we need that we just don’t see. I do believe in that fact. I have decided to continue saving and either move to Europe for grad school - or treat myself to a graduation vacation that will encompass backing across Western and Eastern Europe. This indeed would be an awfully big adventure.
Soon I will be 21. This isn’t just about drinking, this is about celebrating 21 years on earth and now being able to go anywhere because a tiny piece of plastic with my picture on it signifies my birth into a culture of America I have been restrained from. I long to go to a pub and meet new people - I passionately yearn to hear live music in a bar past 11. Tomorrow marks the end to along year and an even longer wait, but, as cliché as it may seem it is the beginning.
I grow restless more and more each day, trying to fit in and belong, when all I can think about is flying so far away and starting over somewhere else. I yearn to work in a publishing house in London or as a freelance journalist in Ireland. I can’t stand being cooped up in these contiguous United States - I love the people around me, whenever they are around me, but when they are not; I want to be free and far away. It’s just a need to travel - it’s a need to find what it is that makes me so damn restless.
Every time I find someone, I find a reason to leave him (or vice versa, as has happened a few times in the past year). I think I’m meant for a Brit or Irish man - who can drink me under the table and doesn’t care about how independent I may be or about how much I loathe public displays of affection and more importantly, hand holding.
21 marks the beginning of the end of college, and I am well prepared for it. I can’t wait to strike out and do whatever it is I should be doing wherever it is I’m supposed to be doing it. Destination unknown as I board that great fine flight into the abyss -
I am rambling…that happens when you realize life isn’t going the way you thought it would go, and your forced to hike somewhere else - the trail seems a bit crooked and you can’t go back the way you came…you have to keep plotting on, and on.
Well, tomorrow marks the beginning of a new chapter in life - my get in free card to places I was banned from before. Life is different, most of my friends (aside from the beautiful wife of mine) will be leaving soon - although not gone forever - they will be gone. This is a difficult time - not being able to be in Europe next semester because I took a gamble and lost. But I will strive on plotting confused and unwaringly into whatever direction I am to go -
To each person reading this ramble of words - I do love you -
I love you not out of a superficial phrase bent and plastered into
fit so many distant and fuzzied conversations-
but I love you because you are caring enough to read this
caring enough to understand a bit about me at this particular moment in time
We’re all just floaters -
why use a raft when you can swim?
stay gold cats,
Stay Gold.
I have had a rocky year. For those of you who know me best, you know that my family situation this year has been one of constant tumult, frustration, anxiety, heart ache and the like. For those of you who know me even more you understand just how much I was hoping to be in Europe for the fall semester - sometimes we don’t get what we want right away because there is something else we need that we just don’t see. I do believe in that fact. I have decided to continue saving and either move to Europe for grad school - or treat myself to a graduation vacation that will encompass backing across Western and Eastern Europe. This indeed would be an awfully big adventure.
Soon I will be 21. This isn’t just about drinking, this is about celebrating 21 years on earth and now being able to go anywhere because a tiny piece of plastic with my picture on it signifies my birth into a culture of America I have been restrained from. I long to go to a pub and meet new people - I passionately yearn to hear live music in a bar past 11. Tomorrow marks the end to along year and an even longer wait, but, as cliché as it may seem it is the beginning.
I grow restless more and more each day, trying to fit in and belong, when all I can think about is flying so far away and starting over somewhere else. I yearn to work in a publishing house in London or as a freelance journalist in Ireland. I can’t stand being cooped up in these contiguous United States - I love the people around me, whenever they are around me, but when they are not; I want to be free and far away. It’s just a need to travel - it’s a need to find what it is that makes me so damn restless.
Every time I find someone, I find a reason to leave him (or vice versa, as has happened a few times in the past year). I think I’m meant for a Brit or Irish man - who can drink me under the table and doesn’t care about how independent I may be or about how much I loathe public displays of affection and more importantly, hand holding.
21 marks the beginning of the end of college, and I am well prepared for it. I can’t wait to strike out and do whatever it is I should be doing wherever it is I’m supposed to be doing it. Destination unknown as I board that great fine flight into the abyss -
I am rambling…that happens when you realize life isn’t going the way you thought it would go, and your forced to hike somewhere else - the trail seems a bit crooked and you can’t go back the way you came…you have to keep plotting on, and on.
Well, tomorrow marks the beginning of a new chapter in life - my get in free card to places I was banned from before. Life is different, most of my friends (aside from the beautiful wife of mine) will be leaving soon - although not gone forever - they will be gone. This is a difficult time - not being able to be in Europe next semester because I took a gamble and lost. But I will strive on plotting confused and unwaringly into whatever direction I am to go -
To each person reading this ramble of words - I do love you -
I love you not out of a superficial phrase bent and plastered into
fit so many distant and fuzzied conversations-
but I love you because you are caring enough to read this
caring enough to understand a bit about me at this particular moment in time
We’re all just floaters -
why use a raft when you can swim?
stay gold cats,
Stay Gold.