(no subject)
I've never felt such a weight before. Actually, I have. But it's a weight that makes me feel empty. And I think its my heart. Not me being sick again; me being sick of life.
Of looking to find satisfaction and love in others. Have I not learned my lesson?
The weight literally sinks me down. It's so painful I can't even cry. That's the fucking worst. If I could just cry and get it over with life would be easier.
At least I'm now tan. And I conquered a five hour road trip by myself. That's definitely an accomplishment.
I don't want to be anywhere anymore. Just gone. It's sick that I find my comfort in the embraces and contact of others. After all, I am ultimately alone.
But then there is that other option. That option that I haven't thought about in a long long time. Corny, yes, but God. And the battle I'm feeling inside is that of flesh versus spirit.
Once the spirit has all but dulled out, can it be re lit? Once its past the point of being broken, how can it be fixed?
Life after college confuses and scares me. Money scares me. The frickin government scares me (we are right on the cusp of something big and bad happening). People scare me. Trust scares me (probably because its been broken so many times). Hell, driving my car through the rain scares me.
Bruce Springsteen writes "There's a secret garden she hides". My secret garden seriously needs fertilizer and weeding.
Of looking to find satisfaction and love in others. Have I not learned my lesson?
The weight literally sinks me down. It's so painful I can't even cry. That's the fucking worst. If I could just cry and get it over with life would be easier.
At least I'm now tan. And I conquered a five hour road trip by myself. That's definitely an accomplishment.
I don't want to be anywhere anymore. Just gone. It's sick that I find my comfort in the embraces and contact of others. After all, I am ultimately alone.
But then there is that other option. That option that I haven't thought about in a long long time. Corny, yes, but God. And the battle I'm feeling inside is that of flesh versus spirit.
Once the spirit has all but dulled out, can it be re lit? Once its past the point of being broken, how can it be fixed?
Life after college confuses and scares me. Money scares me. The frickin government scares me (we are right on the cusp of something big and bad happening). People scare me. Trust scares me (probably because its been broken so many times). Hell, driving my car through the rain scares me.
Bruce Springsteen writes "There's a secret garden she hides". My secret garden seriously needs fertilizer and weeding.