forgiveness is more thaan saying sorry
ok i'm not mad. i don't want you walking away after reading this and thinking, "damn, she's pissed." because i'm not mad. he's a big boy and he doesn't have to ask for my permission when he wants to go somewhere. i'm not his mommy. i'm his girlfriend and i'm not a controlling bitch. but at the same time, it just doesn't sit well with me. i don't know why, it's just the way i am. i don't like people who drink and i spent my whole four years of highschool making fun of and avoiding friendships with people who have a habit of getting drunk. it's not something i think is funny or ok or acceptable. so when me and justin got together i was really happy because he said he didn't like it either and i thought, "finally i've found someone who shares the smae views as me." because he honestly looked me in the eye and said he didn't like drinking and only did it a few times but didn't want to anymore.
i was supposed to call him after i got off work last night and didn't. now that i think about it, i'm really glad i didn't. thankfully, i also turned off my phone and just went to bed when i got home. at 10:54 i got the first phone call telling me he was at some hotel with his brother and the house guest and that they were "having a good time and i should come up." umm, ok. kinda strange, but no thanks because i was asleep. at 11 something i get a call from my dear buddy adam (because we all know how well justin's brother and i get along) saying that they had beer and yeagers and justin and megan and all that was missing was me and i should really drive up to pontiac and hang out with them. again, no thanks. then at 11:39 the third and final message was sent to my voice mail by a drunken justin declaring how much he loved me and he couldn't even describe it because he loves me so much. more than his parents, more than anything and i'm the only thing he wants in his life. blah blah blah.
so when i recieved these messages this morning i didn't know what to think. ok, so he went out and got drunk with his brother. big deal. but then after talking to him, he doesn't even remember calling me last night besides the first time and i guess he called a bunch of other people like his friend josh adn sarah birdsong. why call sarah birdsing? why call her six times? he called her six times and called me twice. wow that makes me feel great. who else was he declaring his love for last night?
it just bothers me ya know? like, it may not be that big of a deal to other people but to me, it's not something i want to deal with. and i don't want to have to deal with other people who deal with it. like at new years justin's mom was trashed and we al had a goodlaugh at her. but that's different. she's an adult who was at home with her family. not a good-looking 18 year old guy in a hotel room with the wierd megan girl who we still can't quite figure out, drinking a fifth or yeager's (sp?) with her and doing god knows what else.
the bottom line is not that i am jelous. don't you dare think thats what this is all about. it's about him saying he didn't like drinking and saying he promised he would never call me if he did go out and drink. and then what does he do? turn around and do that exact thing. it just kinda ticks me off. and then he wanted me to come over today before i have to go to work. well, hmmmmmm. no. no thanks i think we should just take today off and talk to eachother 2maro. because it's not that i'm mad . i'm just not ok with it.
i was supposed to call him after i got off work last night and didn't. now that i think about it, i'm really glad i didn't. thankfully, i also turned off my phone and just went to bed when i got home. at 10:54 i got the first phone call telling me he was at some hotel with his brother and the house guest and that they were "having a good time and i should come up." umm, ok. kinda strange, but no thanks because i was asleep. at 11 something i get a call from my dear buddy adam (because we all know how well justin's brother and i get along) saying that they had beer and yeagers and justin and megan and all that was missing was me and i should really drive up to pontiac and hang out with them. again, no thanks. then at 11:39 the third and final message was sent to my voice mail by a drunken justin declaring how much he loved me and he couldn't even describe it because he loves me so much. more than his parents, more than anything and i'm the only thing he wants in his life. blah blah blah.
so when i recieved these messages this morning i didn't know what to think. ok, so he went out and got drunk with his brother. big deal. but then after talking to him, he doesn't even remember calling me last night besides the first time and i guess he called a bunch of other people like his friend josh adn sarah birdsong. why call sarah birdsing? why call her six times? he called her six times and called me twice. wow that makes me feel great. who else was he declaring his love for last night?
it just bothers me ya know? like, it may not be that big of a deal to other people but to me, it's not something i want to deal with. and i don't want to have to deal with other people who deal with it. like at new years justin's mom was trashed and we al had a goodlaugh at her. but that's different. she's an adult who was at home with her family. not a good-looking 18 year old guy in a hotel room with the wierd megan girl who we still can't quite figure out, drinking a fifth or yeager's (sp?) with her and doing god knows what else.
the bottom line is not that i am jelous. don't you dare think thats what this is all about. it's about him saying he didn't like drinking and saying he promised he would never call me if he did go out and drink. and then what does he do? turn around and do that exact thing. it just kinda ticks me off. and then he wanted me to come over today before i have to go to work. well, hmmmmmm. no. no thanks i think we should just take today off and talk to eachother 2maro. because it's not that i'm mad . i'm just not ok with it.