ready to explode
I am so stressed out lately. Dad went back to work last week, and we had hired a PCA to take care of mom. This women named Ava or aida or something. Anyhoo she comes here and cant do have the shit she said she could. She only showed up 3 days out the week and was over an hour late 2 of the days. I’ve had to miss several classes to take care of mom, luckily my teachers all understood, and told me to take as much time as I needed. Dad hasnt had a day off in 7 days, there is so much that needs to be done. We need to find a new pca, get a ramp, get the powered wheel chair, medications ivs, im always on the phone, I have no time for homework, or work. I really cant leave mom home alone for more than an hour, and I cant even do have the shit she needs done, so its really unfair to her, she cant to her pt, or anything. Theres no one to get her into her wheelchair, or to catherize. Shes over due for her month steroid intervenes treatment, I called baystate infusion, they had no valid prescriptions so I had to track down her neurologist and get a prescription sent to baystate. Supposedly my dads work has a list of millwrights who volunteered, and a lumber company who is going to donate materials, together they will build a ramp on our house. The wheelchair company was supposed to send a paper to my moms dr. never did, we have a copy I have to find, then go track down my moms nurse, we really need that powered wheel chair. All I’ve been doing is cooking, cleaning, paying bills, grocery shopping running the house. I feel like im 30 instead of 20. The good news it Starvros, the company is paying for the PCA said I can get paid for all I’ve been doing. My mom got approved for 30 hours a week. We did the time sheets and works out to where Ava did 10 hours and i;ve done over 20. So thats a plus. I will get almost 200 dollars for running around like a chicken with my head cut off.
My bed came today!!! I am so happy. My back can not take another night on the one I had. Plus dons gonna be up this weekend. And he was just to big for my old bed. I can not wait for this weekend. I need him so bad. Hes gonna be up Friday night!!! Dad has a day off Sunday. I just need a break. I just want to be held, and someelse take over for a day. My mom cant not do anything. She has this awful lean, she can barely sit up. Her speech is really really bad. Before we had her to the point where she could walk the length of the house with the assisantce of a walker and dad. Now she cant even stand up to move from the couch to the wheel chair. She has no upper body strenght and cant do a propper wheelchair transfer. My dad with working, and his back, he just cant lift her anymore.
My mom asked me why I was mad at my uncle today. I didnt even go there. I will never forgive him or my grandmother. Things will never ever be the same. I swear to god, I believe my grandmother is 90% of the reason my mom is in this bad of shape. She used to be so loving and mom and I and her family always came first. She flat out said to my face she chose reggie over us. I want her to be happy, I want her to be with someone, grandpa has been gone for 8 years now, its time. But, I think everyone is in agreement that reggie is a women abusing, gold digging, asswhole. And all who have known my gramma for a long time can see how much she has changed. Don and I might go there this weekend to get the granada. I want my car, but I don’t want to deal with the shit. I don’t want gram to think im letting her in by her seeing don and meeting him...if that makes sense. I want to be civil and I want my family back, but I know that will never happen.
I’ve been put through more this year then any 20 year has, my shoulders feel like I have 2 tons of cement weighing them down. I feel like im gonna cry. I need to. I’ve been having awful headaches, and to many restless nights. Its so hard to see mom and dad struggaling.
My bed came today!!! I am so happy. My back can not take another night on the one I had. Plus dons gonna be up this weekend. And he was just to big for my old bed. I can not wait for this weekend. I need him so bad. Hes gonna be up Friday night!!! Dad has a day off Sunday. I just need a break. I just want to be held, and someelse take over for a day. My mom cant not do anything. She has this awful lean, she can barely sit up. Her speech is really really bad. Before we had her to the point where she could walk the length of the house with the assisantce of a walker and dad. Now she cant even stand up to move from the couch to the wheel chair. She has no upper body strenght and cant do a propper wheelchair transfer. My dad with working, and his back, he just cant lift her anymore.
My mom asked me why I was mad at my uncle today. I didnt even go there. I will never forgive him or my grandmother. Things will never ever be the same. I swear to god, I believe my grandmother is 90% of the reason my mom is in this bad of shape. She used to be so loving and mom and I and her family always came first. She flat out said to my face she chose reggie over us. I want her to be happy, I want her to be with someone, grandpa has been gone for 8 years now, its time. But, I think everyone is in agreement that reggie is a women abusing, gold digging, asswhole. And all who have known my gramma for a long time can see how much she has changed. Don and I might go there this weekend to get the granada. I want my car, but I don’t want to deal with the shit. I don’t want gram to think im letting her in by her seeing don and meeting him...if that makes sense. I want to be civil and I want my family back, but I know that will never happen.
I’ve been put through more this year then any 20 year has, my shoulders feel like I have 2 tons of cement weighing them down. I feel like im gonna cry. I need to. I’ve been having awful headaches, and to many restless nights. Its so hard to see mom and dad struggaling.