(no subject)
I've been going on a little nostalgia trip today. I've been listening to California by Phantom Planet, which for those of you who don't know is the theme song for The O.C. Great, great song. I was so obsessed with the O.C. last winter. Now, I have the sudden craving to watch it again. It's bringing back a lot of memories. There was this kid in my Biology class at Bellaire who looked(looks) exactly like Benjamin McKenzie(Ryan). God, weird stuff like Jude Law and The O.C. brings back so many memories from Bellaire. It's funny how when we think about the past we don't remember the bad times, we just remember the good. Heh. God, I miss Shaday, Anya, Kara, and all the other people I used to know. There was so much shit at that school (mostly my fault, but still) that I don't know why I'd want to go back, but people seemed so much more artsy and open and non-judgemental. You don't meet people like that very often in Baytown or LaPorte. I'm a new me. I keep to myself. I'm not that girl you used to know. I swear, I'm sweet and innocent. I've learned from my mistakes. I promise. I just don't think many people realize what it's like to have so much shit going on your brain at once that sometimes you'd like to take out everyone in your path, just so you can be on your own and figure it all out. I don't know. It's funny. I've never written like this before. All of this is pretty much is coming out of my sub-concious. It feels so good to get the past 3 years out on paper. Or maybe it was just half a year, but hell it seems like 5 years. I don't know what happened, but she triggered something within me when she said all that shit in our hotel room in San Antonio. I feel so different than the girl I was even last March. I know what's going on in my life, and I'm in charge of it. I've never felt like that before. Not once in my life. I always felt I had to please everyone else, so people would like me, and I'd be happy. That was bull-shit. I've finally realized that I have to love myself, and do what makes me happy (but still be kind and cool to other people), and then people will see you're beaming this wonderful energy, and love you for it. I guess that I've figured out that I'm this new bohemian chick who loves art, indie movies, emo music with some acoustic and classic rock thrown in, and would never want to intentially hurt anyone. I'm this girl who would do anything to help out the environment and finally achieve peace(not going to happen anytime soon, or maybe ever, but hey a girl can be a visionary, can't she?). And no, nothing will ever be exactly perfect in my life, but I realize that I control my destiny, and staying true to myself is something that I can't give up for anyone, especially not a guy. For once in my life, I feel truly happy and free.