Not in the mood
Sunday, August 07, 2005
Been some time since I wrote, and with myspace, first time I wrote. I am going to be lazy and write one entry and put it in two places.
Not too much has been going on in my life. Work has sucked all the happiness out of me it seems. I use to be such a happy person, now those days are so far and few. I have been in a slump the past few days, and I don’t know why. Nothing seems to be wrong, I just hate people. Well, no I don’t. I wish I was around people that I liked more. I have been faking happy so long I think my glass mask is starting to crack. People are starting to see me unhappy. A person can only fake happy for so long before they stop caring. I think that is happening to me now. I just don’t care. I don’t care what happens to me any more; I mean really, it’s not like other care about me. I am starting to have way too many issues.
Let’s see, I am anorexic, low self esteem, and a few others I do not really know how to put into to words. But I really do think I am fat, and I have a fear about being fat. I think it’s from my family saying that I will be fat one day. I really don’t like fat. So I will skimp on meals, work out. Hell I have made myself sick from not eating a lot for a long time, just so I don’t get fat. I wish my body was in better shape then it is, maybe I could think of myself as hot. But till that day come, I feel ugly. Hell, this is why I am not in a relationship. If I can’t approach someone to ask them out cause I feel ugly how the hell will I ever date some one. I have had a crush on a few people now, well one girl in particular, but I don’t compare to any of the guys I have seen her with, so I really don’t think I have any shot. But then it just seems to be my luck that I fall for the wrong people. Two thing happen when I get a crush on some one; 1 they start dating some one else before I get a chance to figure out my feelings and share them, or 2 they move away. So it could be a good thing if I get a crush on you, just not for me.
OK, there was more I was going to say, but I think that’s it for tonight.
Been some time since I wrote, and with myspace, first time I wrote. I am going to be lazy and write one entry and put it in two places.
Not too much has been going on in my life. Work has sucked all the happiness out of me it seems. I use to be such a happy person, now those days are so far and few. I have been in a slump the past few days, and I don’t know why. Nothing seems to be wrong, I just hate people. Well, no I don’t. I wish I was around people that I liked more. I have been faking happy so long I think my glass mask is starting to crack. People are starting to see me unhappy. A person can only fake happy for so long before they stop caring. I think that is happening to me now. I just don’t care. I don’t care what happens to me any more; I mean really, it’s not like other care about me. I am starting to have way too many issues.
Let’s see, I am anorexic, low self esteem, and a few others I do not really know how to put into to words. But I really do think I am fat, and I have a fear about being fat. I think it’s from my family saying that I will be fat one day. I really don’t like fat. So I will skimp on meals, work out. Hell I have made myself sick from not eating a lot for a long time, just so I don’t get fat. I wish my body was in better shape then it is, maybe I could think of myself as hot. But till that day come, I feel ugly. Hell, this is why I am not in a relationship. If I can’t approach someone to ask them out cause I feel ugly how the hell will I ever date some one. I have had a crush on a few people now, well one girl in particular, but I don’t compare to any of the guys I have seen her with, so I really don’t think I have any shot. But then it just seems to be my luck that I fall for the wrong people. Two thing happen when I get a crush on some one; 1 they start dating some one else before I get a chance to figure out my feelings and share them, or 2 they move away. So it could be a good thing if I get a crush on you, just not for me.
OK, there was more I was going to say, but I think that’s it for tonight.