the perfect living will
New Living Will Form . . ..
I, ____________________ being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept
alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my
fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested
in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of
the following:
______a Martini ______a Margarita ______ a Scotch ______a Bloody Mary
______a Gin and Tonic _______a Glass of Chardonnay ______a Beer_______a
Steak______Lobster or crab legs ______the remote control ______a bowl of ice
cream ______the sports page ______Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to
come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise
their glasses to toast all the good times we have had.
Signature: ___________________________ Date: _____________________
NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The
patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't
even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows the name of this
happy place PLEASE pass it on!
I, ____________________ being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept
alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my
fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested
in simply running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of
the following:
______a Martini ______a Margarita ______ a Scotch ______a Bloody Mary
______a Gin and Tonic _______a Glass of Chardonnay ______a Beer_______a
Steak______Lobster or crab legs ______the remote control ______a bowl of ice
cream ______the sports page ______Chocolate
It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a
determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and
attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to
come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise
their glasses to toast all the good times we have had.
Signature: ___________________________ Date: _____________________
NOTE: I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The
patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't
even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows the name of this
happy place PLEASE pass it on!