Fic: Blurred Blue Lines - Part 5 (Ensemble, Sharon Raydor- The Closer) - M
Title: Blurred Blue Lines- Part 5
Word Count: 3454
Rating: M (to be safe)
Fandom: Closer
Characters: Ensemble, Sharon Raydor
Warnings: Language, Mention of Assault and Violence
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Major Crimes has had their share of cases where the violence of the crimes committed caused its wear and tear on the team, but nothing was worse than when the victim was someone they knew, someone who wore the badge just as they did.
Brenda looked at her friend with eyes filled with sympathy, she smiled a little when she noted that like with Taylor and Flynn, Will had used Captain Raydor’s given name. Will probably knew Captain Raydor the whole time he had been in Los Angeles and felt close enough to call the woman by her first name. She wanted to tell her friend that she was sure Captain Raydor wasn’t holding his words against him but she felt too tired to lie and the truth was she had no idea what Captain Raydor felt right now but she needed to say something, they were all drowning here and using each other to stay afloat. “Will, I honestly don’t think Captain Raydor is sitting up in her hospital bed right now going over something you said to her weeks ago, I think right now she is just trying to process what happened to her.”
“She doesn’t want to see me.” Brenda’s eyes sharpened on Will as his words were barely audible, not sure she was comprehending what he was saying and thinking she might be jumping ahead in her thoughts, because he could mean that Captain Raydor didn’t feel up to visitors and not because she and Will… No, it was best not to jump to conclusions.
“I am sure Captain Raydor isn’t up for many visitors. She’s expecting me later today maybe she just doesn’t want a lot of her work people seeing her like that, especially male superiors.” As she watched Will she knew that wasn’t it and that her jumping earlier was right on the mark and she braced herself for the reveal and to not show the shock she was reeling from feeling like she was about to be dropped in the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.
“It’s not that. Well, I am sure that is part of it, she probably doesn’t want visitors in and out her hospital room. Sharon is normally a private person and what happened and everyone knowing is probably causing her some anxiety. She probably feels violated and vulnerable enough without thinking of everyone prying into her civilian side of life, not that she told me any of this. Our five minute phone conversation this morning ended in me garnering the mere basics of facts, she was tired but fine, her kids were upset but dealing, she was up to questioning and when I asked her if I could see her she said she didn’t feel that was necessary and she would prefer I didn’t.” Will looked to Brenda dreading what he had to say, more so dreading the possible ramifications and outrage that she would express. “She doesn’t want to see me because when we broke up it wasn’t on the best of terms.”
Brenda shook her head Captain Raydor and Will were involved and she hadn’t known it. Then their relationship ended and she hadn’t known it, and from what Will just suggested it may have ended badly and she was going to have to question Will and later Captain Raydor in regards to their relationship. Surely, there were not enough words to describe how awkward this was going to be for all of them. Brenda picked up the discarded chocolate bar she had dropped on her desk earlier and took a bite to calm her nerves.
Will was looking anywhere except at Brenda waiting for the blow-out, not that who and who he didn’t date and how it may or may not have ended was any of her business, except in this case it was her business, because what happened to Sharon made it Brenda’s business. His eyes glanced on the picture that was on the floor, the one that had fallen during Alvarez and Gabriel’s scuffle. The word bitch practically screamed at him, he hadn’t looked at any of the photos of Sharon’s injuries knowing he wouldn’t be able to stomach them. Now seeing the one picture on the floor then looking back at Brenda’s desk covered in pictures of bite marks, dark purple bruising, finger marks against skin he knew to be so soft and smooth like peaches and cream. He felt light-headed and felt like he was going to be sick, closing his eyes and tried to block out the sight of Sharon’s battered and broken body, but he could still see the images of the pictures in his mind and he willed himself to not regurgitate what little he had been able to eat earlier that morning. Will opened his eyes when a hand touched his shoulder, he saw Brenda bent down asking him if he was okay, he shook his head, turning his eyes to the picture on the floor, and said “I can’t look at those.”
Brenda looked to where Will’s eyes were glued and she grimaced, of course, he couldn’t look at them. A woman he was once involved with, was brutalized and now he was seeing the evidence of the attack in pictures. Brenda hurriedly picked the picture off the floor and straightened the ones on her desk putting them back in the folder where they belonged. She took a calming breath, looked back at her friend who looked a little grey, but some color was returning to his face, she had been worried for a moment that he was either going to be ill all over her carpet or that he might pass out and he’d be too heavy for her to lift by herself. “Will, you know I am… Well, I have… Will, I have to ask you questions regarding your relationship with Captain Raydor.”
“I know. Why don’t I just save us both the embarrassment of you asking and just give you the recount of my relationship and if you have questions after you can ask.” Will’s words were quiet, he looked to Brenda for confirmation that this was an acceptable approach or if she had objections, he waited until she nodded her acceptance before continuing, “I guess we should start with my alibi for the time of the attack so you can rule me out as a suspect.” Brenda winced and wanted to jump in but Will forced onward not allowing her to get a word in. “I was with Chief Delk and Chief Keating in Delk’s office; we were going over recent Internal Affair cases. We started the review around five that evening and the call came in first to Keating’s cell around nine then to Delk’s office phone moments later. Keating left immediately and I waited until Delk dealt with the phone conversation, only hearing one side, all I knew was there had been an attack on two officers, one dead the other greatly injured, it wasn’t until I arrived on scene with Delk that I knew it was Sharon who was injured or to what extent. You will be able to confirm my alibi with Delk.”
“Will, I don’t think that will be necessary.” Brenda stated calmly, “In fact maybe I don’t need the details of your relationship with Captain Raydor. I can verify that you were in the building at the time of the attack by checking the sign-in log and verifying with your secretary there is no need to involve Chief Delk or question Captain Raydor regarding yours and her relationship.”
“Brenda, just let me get this over with, please.” Will pleaded, “It is standard practice to interview past sexual relationships of rape victims when the assailant isn’t known. Especially seeing how we are leaning to this being some type cop related conspiracy and I am a cop. Moreover, I just admitted to a bad break-up with the victim, which could be motive. Because of all that, I think we have to do this, because I don’t want anything to come back from a defense attorney that there were viable suspects that you didn’t look at. So if you please, we need to do this, as much as I wish we didn’t.”
Brenda nodded her head and Will loosened his tie and couldn’t help but think how ironic it was that this was the second time he had to explain his relationship with another woman due to a criminal case with a woman who he once had relationship, it was a sad reflection on who he was as a person. Will couldn’t help but think back on Sharon calling him a misogynistic womanizer. “It started over a year ago, right after the Ally Moore case or maybe before. The attraction that was before the case I just didn’t realize until right after. She was pissed off at you and the situation to begin with, towards the end she was pissed off at herself and Moore. It was in my office and she was giving her final report regarding the case, she added that you weren’t as bad as she originally thought, that you had your quirks but some of that could be overlooked for your efficiency in investigation and that sometimes you had to take the bad with the good. I couldn’t help but laugh and when she smiled I noticed how beautiful and approachable she seemed, I asked her out for a drink and she turned me down, saying it wouldn’t be wise, and I felt surprisingly disappointed.”
“I had noticed her before, mostly in the gym working out in the way men notice women, but she was always off-limits then, but after the Moore case, I was seeing her in a different way than I had. Before she was an attractive woman who worked sort of under me, then she became a woman I was attracted to who happened to sort of work under me.” Will glanced at Brenda to see if she was paying attention “I had seen her out with her kids, her youngest is in the same church youth group as my son, Chase. Occasionally I would run into her outside work, since the boys were friends. In fact I learned a lot about Sharon unsolicited through my son, who happens to adore her, he couldn’t stop talking about how great and fun she was, for a while there she was spending more time with my son than I was.” Will smiled at the memory, the bits and pieces of Sharon’s life relayed through a child’s eyes,
“I was waiting outside a movie theater for my kids to come out and seeing her there in casual clothes. She was talking and laughing on her cellphone and when she ended her call, I joined her near one of the exit doors. I asked if she was going to see a movie and she laughed saying something about the last good movie made by Hollywood being when she was a kid and how she was waiting for Jamie, her son, to finish watching a movie with a couple of his friends. She just kept smiling at me in a knowing kind of way as if she knew something I didn’t, she asked me why I was there. I told her Estelle had traded weekends with me and I was stuck with the kids’ weekend planned out in a different way than I wanted. She replied with a hum and she chuckled as she explained that technically she was supposed to take Jamie and Chase to the movies, then drop the kids off with Estelle for a sleepover but Estelle had called her last night to cancel the sleepover but said the movie going was still a go.” Will shrugged his shoulders, “I guess that is where the relationship started really. I made a comment about Jamie sleeping over, she made a joke about not letting her baby sleepover with strange men and for the life of me I don’t know why I said this to her but I did.”
“Well, you can stay over to, it could be our first sleepover together, Captain.” Will had blanched when he realized how his words could be interrupted as, it certainly wasn’t his intent, and he halfway expected to be slapped or at least yelled at.
Sharon eyes widen at first but seeing the red tinge of embarrassment around Will’s ears and neck she just started giggling saying between breaths of laughter, “Is that your idea of a proposition, because I have to tell you, Chief, I am not the kind of girl who stays over with a guy without the benefit of dinner first.”
Will came back from his memories to see Brenda looking at him with something similar to pity in her eyes and he looked away from the expression, not wanting it, at least not for the happy moments. Maybe for what came after, that he could be pitied for, hell he pitied himself for his choices, “She was fun, my kids loved her, her kids liked me and we could have had something. Except I blew it, I chose my career over having something with her. Before anyone else, I knew Chief Simmons was retiring, that the Chief of Police position would be in play, and I wanted that position more than I wanted a relationship. So, I ended things with Sharon. It was amicable at first, she understood ambition and she knew Chiefs of Police couldn’t sleep with their subordinates. Everything was fine, we worked well with each other, everything was running smoothly, and I could live with not having Sharon in my life because I was going to be Chief. Well, you already know how that turned out. You think your relationship and mine hit a downward slope during my campaigning, well, that had nothing on the arguments Sharon and I had. Worst was she was right, each time she was right and I was a total ass to her.”
Will turned searching eyes on Brenda hoping that when he finished that she wouldn’t think less of him than she already did, “Remember when she was following you, what we thought was her vetting me for the Chief position, instead she was vetting you, but that is beside the point. I called her in my office after you and I talked, after you had confirmed our past relationship to her. I knew how that looked to her and I wanted to discuss it, I didn’t want her to think that was the kind of man I was, the kind of man that had frequent affairs with members of his staff while married to other people. I tried explaining things to her but she stopped me saying she didn’t need to hear me say all this, that none of it mattered, she was so calm about it, so indifferent to anything I wanted to say on a personal level, she’d cut it off each time jumping right back to business. Business was all we had left and it took until then to realize exactly what I gave up, how important she was to me, how much I missed her. My kids still saw her and for some reason Estelle tried to befriend her but I was the one cast-off in the cold and it pissed me off and for some reason I provoked an argument with her.”
“If you need to know more information regarding my past sexual relationships with co-workers, do me a favor Sharon, come to me first and not strong-arm and berate the ones who work under me for you own personal amusement.” Will commented snidely to Sharon as she was preparing to leave his office. He watched as her back was to him, he watched as she tilted her head from one side to the other in a silent communication with herself, a debate between the good angel on one shoulder and the naughty one on the other.
Sharon tried to talk herself out of reacting but she was just at the end of her rope with this man and with this situation. She shut the office door and turned around to face the man she thought she might be fallen for just months ago, seeing only a smug bastard in his place, “Well, Will, if it was how you conducted sexual relations with co-workers that I needed to know about I would only had need to look to myself for that information.”
Her icy sarcasm wasn’t what he expected, but at least she was focused on him now, even if it was in anger. He was hurting and he wanted her to hurt too, it was petty and it was small of him, but it was all he had left, “Maybe you just wanted to compare relationships, yours with me, versus mine with Brenda and used this little vetting process to satisfy your own curiosity.”
Sharon snorted, “I don’t need a comparison between myself and Chief Johnson. I already know the score. Hell, your ex-wife felt the need to let me in on far more details than I have ever wanted to hear and the water cooler talk around the offices and other departments is filled with talk of you and her and your blatant favoritism in regards to all things Chief Johnson. Your pining over your married subordinate is the joke of all the locker rooms. If I weren’t so pissed at you, I would probably pity you. She’s not going to leave her husband for you, Will, so I sure hope this career you have chosen over all other things keeps you warm at night because it’s all you’ll have left.”
“God, Will, this is a mess.” Brenda expressed. Her mind reeling from the import of information, Captain Raydor and Will had been involved it ended and then their relationship devolved in a downward spiral from there, “I have to say I never detected an issue between Captain Raydor and you, but then again I wasn’t looking for anything.”
“I doubt there was anything visible. Sharon kept things professional only crossing over when pushed to retaliation by me being a complete and utter jackass to her. After the short list came out and my name wasn’t on it… All I could think was everything I gave up just wasn’t worth it. I ruined my friendship with you, lost the respect of countless colleagues, and I lost Sharon. I went to her after, I tried to make amends, tried to explain myself, but she was past the point of caring”
Sharon laughed in disbelief, “Tell me you aren’t seriously asking me to date you again.”
Will sighed, he knew it wouldn’t be easy but he had swallowed his pride and sought out what he valued most of all the things he lost in his pursuit of being Chief of Police and that was her, he had hoped that maybe she would be able to forgive him, “Just hear me out. I know I was an ass and I want to make that up to you. I was wrong and I admit it. My treatment of you and our relationship was appalling and I am deeply ashamed of myself for hurting you. I just want you to think about giving me another chance.”
Sharon shook her head, tears starting to glisten in her eyes, “Would we even be having this conversation if you made the short list, or if you had made it to the office of Chief of Police?”
Will closed his eyes in pain and pleaded, “Sharon, please.”
Sharon straightened her shoulders and backed away from Will, “No, no, no, I cannot and will not do this to myself; I care too much about me to get involved with you again, knowing what a misogynistic womanizer you are, knowing how cruel you can be. Words hurt just as much as fists and open hands. I walked away from an abusive relationship before and I will not knowingly walk into one that has the potential to become another living nightmare.”
Brenda’s mind twirled with information, Will’s recollection of Captain Raydor’s words making the puzzle pieces of the abstract picture of Captain Raydor in her mind form a clearer image. The Moore case, why Captain Raydor involved herself to the point she did, why she seemed so tentative in the interrogation room when interviewing Ally Moore, so compassionate, so leading in the assumptions of what happened, so knowing in a way that irked Brenda at the time, but now it made perfect sense. Because Sharon Raydor had lived that life and Ally Moore played on the situation and Captain Raydor’s past to manipulate the results she wanted. Brenda had been sickened before over the Moore case, she had called the woman a sociopath, now with hindsight she should have added sadist to the list of adjectives to describe the other woman.