Fic: Knots (Sharon, Will, Flynn/Sharon) K+
Title: Knots
Fandom: The Closer
Characters: Sharon Raydor, Will Pope (mentions Flynn/Raydor)
Word Count: 3058
Rating: K+
Warnings: Mentions of past abuse (non-graphic)
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Next in my Entangled Series follows Buried. Will and Sharon in his office the following day after the Sheridan case, Sharon ends up telling him more than he probably wanted to know.
Sharon’s was a nervous wreck inside which meant her outer appearance was a near perfection, crisp white shirt dark pant’s suit with a sharp crease, hair smoothed down not a single strand out of place, glasses planted firmly on her face; looking at her you would only see the cold professional persona she had perfected over the years. She was sitting outside Chief Pope’s office waiting for admittance, she had already been waiting for the past twenty minutes while the man was on the phone but she would have gladly put this off, never sounded about right in her mind about when she wanted this meeting with Pope to take place. When Elliot got in the car last night and told her Pope wanted to see her the following morning in his office; she knew it was about her behavior at the Sheridan house, knew he would want to know what was wrong with her and the problem was he had a right to know as her superior officer which only made it all the more daunting. She wanted to forget that part of her life or if not forget at least not dwell and recount each incident with a man she wasn’t sure she respected, who was to say he wouldn’t use the information against her at some later date or worse tell Chief Johnson; somehow that woman knowing was a much more troubling prospect than anything else.
She was tying herself up in knots and her imagination was running rampant with the imagery of a conversation that had yet to take place, her mind going through the various scenarios of how it would all transpire and the conclusions that would come. Should she lie and be just a little economical with the truth, the only problem would be that she was an atrocious liar, always had been. Early in life she had discovered the truth could be manipulated in ways a lie could never be, with a lie you ran into the complications of keeping all the minute details knitted together and chances were eventually you would screw-up. The truth was so much simpler and straight-forward. So it was decided, she would be candid but just how much she need to reveal would need to be decided. There was the off chance that he already guessed what the issue was or he could have just pulled her jacket, and she was sure she was going to be ill thinking about him reading the details of her personnel folder.
Sharon nearly jumped out of her seat when Pope’s office door opened; she felt her stomach drop and knew she was making herself overly anxious, and she tried to reassure herself; she had fully disclosed all information prudent when she joined the LAPD so it wasn’t like she was concealing anything, it was all there in black and white with a NYPD case file number. Straightening her shoulders and standing when she noted that maybe she had taken more time than she thought pondering the ridiculousness of her thoughts when she saw the concern in Chief Pope’s eyes and his furrowed brow. Taking a deep breath she followed the man into his office feeling as if she was walking the long walk of the condemned she wondered idly when she had become as overly dramatic as her two teenage daughters.
“Are you feeling better, Captain?” Will asked. She still looked pale, he noticed last night she seemed distracted and off-color, and though this morning she looked perfectly coiffed he could tell that she wasn’t exactly her normal authoritarian self. “Sergeant Elliot mentioned last night about a flu bug going around, I hope you aren’t trying to burn the candle at both ends if you’re sick, it wouldn’t do FID or the LAPD any good if you work yourself until you collapse?”
Sharon just stared at Pope for a while failing to comprehend what was going on here because this didn’t sound like the man was calling her out on her odd behavior last night, so on top of her nerves she was also confused trying to figure out why she was summoned, since she doubted Chief Pope called her to his office to discuss her health. He was waiting for her to reply she could tell but she was stumped, her mind a complete blank, so she decided to go with the lie Elliot had established, “I guess I am still a bit under the weather?”
Will Pope smiled bemusedly at the woman sitting in front of him, it was like she was asking him instead of telling him that she was off-sided, he would admit it amused him somewhat to see the always impeccable Captain Raydor being a little less than pristine and precise. He had only seen her like this once before and that was during the Moore case when she came to him uncertain, filled with restless energy and… It clicked... He took a closer look at the Captain and the way she was tapping her foot on the floor at a pace he would have under different circumstances taken as a sign of impatience at her day being disrupted. “So you have the flu?”
“Yes?” Sharon wrinkled her nose, was she really sitting here lying to this man, lying to a superior officer, the second highest ranking in the Los Angeles Police Department, to his face. “No.”
Will shook his head and chuckled, “Which is it Captain?”
Sharon sighed and resigned herself, “I don’t have the flu and I wasn’t sick last night.” In for a penny in for a pound was the old saying and she might as well embrace it, “At least not medically.”
“Okay,” Will pondered this some before deciding the best course was to continue on with the reason he called the Captain in that morning, “The Mackenzie case, I know that we haven’t hit the seventy-two hour deadline but I was hoping it could be closed up before the end of the day if possible.”
“The Mackenzie case?” Sharon asked puzzled, “That’s the reason you had me come in because you want the Mackenzie case finished early?”
“Yes, if at all possible. Your findings will give the DA enough information to decide if the any charges will brought against the officer and I was hoping it could be completed before the funeral arrangements had been finalized. I just want to put this incident to bed.” Will shrugged his shoulders if it couldn’t be done then it couldn’t be, but he was hoping the Captain could finish this case quickly if only for the Mackenzie family's sake.
“Okay” Sharon mentally went over the case in her head, checking off what still needed to be complete, “I can have it to you before I leave today. All that is left is some final paperwork and the written summation.”
“Good, then.” Will stood and waited for the Captain to do the same, but she didn’t stand to leave and she was looking at him with a perplexed expression.
“You don’t want to discuss my behavior last night?” Sharon asked uncertain. She was sure he would want to talk about it, if she was in his position she would want to talk about it, if a subordinate had acted oddly at a crime scene.
“Do you want to discuss your behavior last night?” Will asked still standing behind his desk. He watched as various degrees of emotions flashed across the Captain’s face and he sighed deciding to sit back down, he was just going to let it go feeling sure the Captain had her reasons and that everyone could have an off day or behave differently to certain crimes.
“No, it’s not something I particularly wish to discuss.” Sharon’s voice was soft as she spoke, “but I would think you would want an explanation of some sort. I would want one if I was in your position.”
“Well, we all know how temporary my position in the LAPD may be, so if you feel the need to tell me what your issue was then tell me and if you don’t, that’s fine too. It didn’t affect the work, the case did belong to Major Crimes and FID still covered the basis, I understand Elliot will be handling the report so as far as I can tell everything is in order, there is no need to discuss it further.”
Sharon nodded her head and then bit down on her bottom lip, maybe Chief Pope wasn’t such a bad guy, even with his blatant favoritism towards a certain southern deputy chief, “I made a full disclosure when I joined the LAPD and everything is in my jacket, and I guess whatever reasons could be deferred from there.”
Will watched as the Captain didn’t make eye contact when she said he could check her jacket and she still looked pale and he could see the faint trace of shadows under her eyes that her make-up didn’t fully conceal. He couldn’t help but admire the woman, ever trying to be the professional, ever trying to do what was right; he respected that about Captain Raydor. “Captain, I have never had the need to pull your jacket and I don’t think I have a reason to now, I can tell you this,” Will gestured with his hands, “whatever it is, I can tell it is something of a personal nature, just by the way you are acting and I wouldn’t want to presume on what that may be or may not be.”
“My first husband use to beat the hell out of me.” Will blinked at the bluntness of her statement but remained silent, he had suspected but it was something altogether different to actually know, “Seeing Mrs. Sheridan reminded me of what I could have become, what my life could have entailed.”
“I seriously doubt that, Captain.” Will stated firmly, “Mrs. Sheridan was an extreme case, one I can not see you in.”
Sharon gave a hallowed laugh, “No woman wakes up one day and decides it is okay for their significant other to knock them around, Chief, not even Clarice Sheridan. An abusive relationship doesn’t start with violence; it just normally ends that way. The first time is a shock, but they are always filled with apologies and sweetness asking for forgiveness promising it won’t happen again, until it does. The next time its worse and the time after that even more so, until you are trapped in this cycle and you don’t want anyone to know so you hide it from your friends, your family, your priest, if you could you would hide it from God because your ashamed. Ashamed for staying, ashamed of yourself for not being strong and then there is the fear, the fear of when it will happen again, of how bad will it be this time, afraid someone will find out, afraid no one will find out, afraid to stay, afraid to leave, you are in this purgatory of your own making with the devil at the gate knowing there isn’t any escape.”
Sharon could feel the tears starting to form behind her eyes but she forced herself to meet the concerned blue eyes of the man behind the desk, seeing his sympathetic look was almost her undoing, “Three years I stayed, six months into our marriage was when he first hit me, I lost count of the numbers of times he would get angry, would berate me, would make me feel worthless, or would shake me so hard that marks remained behind in the shape of his fingers up and down my arms. The times he would get drunk were worse, the times he wanted sex in that state degrading and painful to endure and yet I stayed. In the beginning, being the young stupid eighteen year old girl in love, I made excuses for his behavior blamed myself but towards the end it was just fear, fear of him and what he would do because he said on more than one occasion that if I ever tried to leave him he would kill me and I believed him.”
“You were young; people make errors in judgment when they’re teenagers. I made mistakes being involved in relationships when I was a kid, some could say I have made mistakes well past the time of childhood and adolescence as you are aware from the vetting process during the race to be chief” Will tried to interject some humor hoping to deflect from the seriousness of the conversation and what the Sharon Raydor had revealed about herself.
“I don’t think any of your past lovers beat you within an inch of your life when you packed a bag to leave them.” Sharon smiled ruefully, “I would have noted that in my investigation.”
“No, but I have been struck by more than one woman in my life, sometimes I probably even deserved it. I am sure both my ex-wives thought so.” Will hoped the situation was resolved, the conversation did give him new insight into Captain Sharon Raydor the coolly efficient police officer but it wasn’t off-putting it just humanized her. He felt honored that she felt comfortable to trust him with this information.
“You should write me up.” Will blinked thinking he must have misheard her but one look at the woman sitting across from him told him that he hadn’t and he just shook his head no.
“At the very least you should make a note regarding my inappropriate behavior.” Sharon urged.
“Captain, you haven’t done anything inappropriate as far as I am concerned.” Will made a gesture with his hands; he didn’t feel the need to chastise the woman for being less than perfect if he did then he would have to do it to Brenda and her squad every single minute of the working day.
“I kissed another officer while at that crime scene, Chief.” Sharon delivered the words flatly but raised her chin a little in defiance.
“I beg your pardon?” Will questioned “You did what exactly at the crime scene?”
“I kissed a lower ranking officer while on duty at a crime scene.” Her words were calm but she wondered briefly what on earth possessed her to admit this to anyone let alone an Assistant Chief.
“Okay, umm, who exactly, if you don’t mind me asking?” Will was wondering if this was some sort of joke.
“Flynn.”
Will’s eyes widened in surprise, not what he was expecting, or who, not that he was taking this too serious, “Flynn? As in Major Crime’s Flynn, as in Brenda’s Flynn, as in one half of duo Flynn and Provenza who make officers in Internal Affairs lives miserable?”
Sharon placed her face in her hands, really she needed to go see a therapist maybe it was time to go to confession say a few Hail Mary’s, “Yes.”
Will was trying to grasp the idea of Flynn and Raydor kissing and failing, he just couldn’t picture the two tof ogether, they were polar opposites, and frankly it wasn’t any of his business, neither Flynn nor Raydor reported directly to him and they weren’t in the same unit, “Well, okay then. Will you be kissing him at any more crime scenes?”
Sharon raised her head from her hands and willed herself to meet his eyes, “Of course not! On each occasion I have stressed the inappropriateness of both our behaviors.”
Will raised his eyebrows with each passing moment it seemed the image he had always had of Captain Raydor was dismantling and being replaced by a newer more interesting version, “This has happened more than once?”
“Well, no, yes, no.” Sharon wasn’t sure what to say and she felt as if she was digging herself into a hole. “Not at another crime scene, just while on duty, in an elevator.”
“Okay, I am starting to think this is going to be something like Flynn’s explanation of how he ended up tearing your skirt and blooding your nose.” Will wiped at his brow, “I guess you should to tell me everything that has transpired between you and Flynn and we can make a decision after.”
“From the beginning then?” Sharon questioned.
“Yes I think that would be best.” Will granted and settled into his leather chair and waited for the Captain to explain whatever the hell Flynn had somehow become involved in, because he was sure it had to be Flynn’s doing whatever it was, his or Provenza’s those two seemed to borrow trouble wherever they went.
After Sharon had explained everything from the elevator to last evening's crime scene, Will took a moment to process everything before heaving out a sigh, “Well, making out at a crime isn’t something the LAPD looks on as favorable conduct from officers on duty. Umm… You know what, I really have no idea how to respond to this, so Captain, if someone other than me asks you; I suggest you lie, like I will do and I sure Flynn will as well.”
“I don’t think I can, at least not convincingly.” Sharon stated in a quiet voice, “I’m a horrible liar. And when I say horrible, I mean just down right awful, unforgivably bad.”
Will chuckled at the Captain’s solemn face, “Well, don’t worry about that Captain, I think Brenda more than makes up for it.”
“So, umm, this is where you should be reprimanding me.” Sharon stated in matter-of-fact manner. She needed to get this conversation back on-track or at the very least get it to moving to a conclusion so she could get the heck out of this office and try to pretend she hadn’t just spilled her guts to a man she barely knew.
“I thought we had already established that wasn’t going to be happening.” Will stated calmly, standing up from his desk, “Look, Captain the fact is if I write you up, I have to write Flynn up and if I have to write Flynn up, I have to deal with Brenda which means you will have to deal with Brenda” Will paused and grinned at Sharon’s look of disgust at the thought of having to do anything with Brenda. “Just don’t go kissing Flynn anymore and I think we’ll be fine. Is this conversation enough to suffice as a verbal reprimand for you, because it’s all I got?”
Sharon stood and gave a weak smile; Will noted that color seemed to be returning to her cheeks. “I have been twisting myself in knots over this, I am not this person; at least I don’t think I am. I apologize for everything that has occurred, though I don’t think I am entirely responsible for the start of it, I just didn’t protest or prevent it from happening nor repeating itself. I can assure you nothing else will happen between Lieutenant Flynn and me, you have my word.” Will nodded and shook his head wondering as he showed the Captain out of his office if she was trying to convince him or herself.