I'm in love with you....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YImnb7_sP_k
So....the past couple of days have been tuff...I drank the other night at my cousins house...and I was texting Johnny...and I was like...why have I changed?....I was like please tell me why I've become so deppressed, and become everything that I said I wouldn't be....and that's from hookah...to drinking. This isn't me. He was like just stop please...and it's because see other people get so hyper and happy when they drink...I like cry so bad....the worst is if someone trys to come by me what do I do? dontttttttt.....go away...and then i cry more...and just thinking about it ...it's like Nanc? come on....come on Nanc....I still won't forget the day I smoked hookah for the 1st time...I was at Ashleys house and she made it on her own...she was like " Nanc come on I won't tell " I was like " No I'm so scared" shes like " trust me its not bad " and I did it...maybe its not bad....but the old Nancy use to say it's so dirty....it really is...and guess what i love it?....is that bad? i have a feeling the guy i end up with is gonna make me stop...n e ways Today I'm gonna hang out with Dalia and all the girls tonight. She's teaching the girls how to dance chaldean for Joey's wedding. That will be lots of fun. I get to bring my Majid cd's. This is so much better then going to DA. It really is....2 days ago I drank so much I was crying.We were at Denas house...and Lauren Seba was there and Rita N. and.... I don't know....it's like...I felt so alone....and ya know what...I feel so alone...everything is getting to me. I can't wait to take classes in the fall again bc school keeps me out of trouble...school is so fun to me ya know?... I'm gonna finish soon. I can't wait. For all those who never believed in me...well guess what? sux for all you. N e ways, new rules... I gotta stop doing things that younger people do. Johnny was telling me I really have to because...the things they wanna do are the things I shouldn't be wanting to do....like okay drinking is fine but in my old eyes no it use to be not fine...it use to be not fine at all...when I use to hang out with Naseem he knew I would never drink...and when he would smoke hookah in my face I use to be like " YOU ARE SO SICK DON'T BLOW AROUND HERE" I don't know...I'm not perfect but I won't lie before I was so close to perfect...I loved bragging to people saying " i never drink...i never smoke hookah" it made me feel different....and STRONG... oh well it's not the end of the world I just have to work on things...this isn't something to brag about...I still don't understand how people brag about drinking---its so childish..but I won't lie....if you see a cup in my hand...please take it away its really not a happy ending ya know?....so n e ways, changing ways----I need to stay home more...like I use to....everyday I use to be home...Naseem use to be like....any guy who ends up with you Nanc is gonna be so happy because look at you...your always home....damn...see there ya go? again the old Nancy...the old nancy who use to love to stay home, and watch tv....now i don't even watch tv....i m 22 years old....I have to start acting my old self....I got the old hair back...why don't I get my old self back too ya know?.... guys dont like girls who drink... I dont care what anyone says....guys dont get turned on by that...i think they think its trashy...ya know? well thats just what I think....and I think its funny how guys think girls are so stupid when they are buzzing like....I seen it at the bars....I won't ever drink at the bar unless my brother is there...and I done that ONCE...I don't trust guys at the bars...eww 2morrow I have to go for diannas birthday i just remembered =( this sucks... I really hate this shit...i m gonna ask my bestest friend to come with me so that i don't feel unsafe...honestly...my brother will be there too though so thats good...i just hate how chaldean guys are...i really do... i love the way johnny is though hes so perfect in every way in the world....i love him to death...hes my bestest of friend...but see i would never go for him...he has too many girlfriends...and too many girls always wanna be around him....i hate his facebook...it makes me sick...and he knows it...i delete it and get it back everytime bc his page just annoys me...it does...how girls talk to him...i know were friends but still... plus i want him to end up with the bestest sweetest girl bc he has such a big heart like its full of love....just love....he helps me with all my problems and everything i swear if he wasnt around me idk what i'd do.... like honestly no one to talk to...no one....what else....idk?...its 9:56 right now.....n e ways---i must go...
So....the past couple of days have been tuff...I drank the other night at my cousins house...and I was texting Johnny...and I was like...why have I changed?....I was like please tell me why I've become so deppressed, and become everything that I said I wouldn't be....and that's from hookah...to drinking. This isn't me. He was like just stop please...and it's because see other people get so hyper and happy when they drink...I like cry so bad....the worst is if someone trys to come by me what do I do? dontttttttt.....go away...and then i cry more...and just thinking about it ...it's like Nanc? come on....come on Nanc....I still won't forget the day I smoked hookah for the 1st time...I was at Ashleys house and she made it on her own...she was like " Nanc come on I won't tell " I was like " No I'm so scared" shes like " trust me its not bad " and I did it...maybe its not bad....but the old Nancy use to say it's so dirty....it really is...and guess what i love it?....is that bad? i have a feeling the guy i end up with is gonna make me stop...n e ways Today I'm gonna hang out with Dalia and all the girls tonight. She's teaching the girls how to dance chaldean for Joey's wedding. That will be lots of fun. I get to bring my Majid cd's. This is so much better then going to DA. It really is....2 days ago I drank so much I was crying.We were at Denas house...and Lauren Seba was there and Rita N. and.... I don't know....it's like...I felt so alone....and ya know what...I feel so alone...everything is getting to me. I can't wait to take classes in the fall again bc school keeps me out of trouble...school is so fun to me ya know?... I'm gonna finish soon. I can't wait. For all those who never believed in me...well guess what? sux for all you. N e ways, new rules... I gotta stop doing things that younger people do. Johnny was telling me I really have to because...the things they wanna do are the things I shouldn't be wanting to do....like okay drinking is fine but in my old eyes no it use to be not fine...it use to be not fine at all...when I use to hang out with Naseem he knew I would never drink...and when he would smoke hookah in my face I use to be like " YOU ARE SO SICK DON'T BLOW AROUND HERE" I don't know...I'm not perfect but I won't lie before I was so close to perfect...I loved bragging to people saying " i never drink...i never smoke hookah" it made me feel different....and STRONG... oh well it's not the end of the world I just have to work on things...this isn't something to brag about...I still don't understand how people brag about drinking---its so childish..but I won't lie....if you see a cup in my hand...please take it away its really not a happy ending ya know?....so n e ways, changing ways----I need to stay home more...like I use to....everyday I use to be home...Naseem use to be like....any guy who ends up with you Nanc is gonna be so happy because look at you...your always home....damn...see there ya go? again the old Nancy...the old nancy who use to love to stay home, and watch tv....now i don't even watch tv....i m 22 years old....I have to start acting my old self....I got the old hair back...why don't I get my old self back too ya know?.... guys dont like girls who drink... I dont care what anyone says....guys dont get turned on by that...i think they think its trashy...ya know? well thats just what I think....and I think its funny how guys think girls are so stupid when they are buzzing like....I seen it at the bars....I won't ever drink at the bar unless my brother is there...and I done that ONCE...I don't trust guys at the bars...eww 2morrow I have to go for diannas birthday i just remembered =( this sucks... I really hate this shit...i m gonna ask my bestest friend to come with me so that i don't feel unsafe...honestly...my brother will be there too though so thats good...i just hate how chaldean guys are...i really do... i love the way johnny is though hes so perfect in every way in the world....i love him to death...hes my bestest of friend...but see i would never go for him...he has too many girlfriends...and too many girls always wanna be around him....i hate his facebook...it makes me sick...and he knows it...i delete it and get it back everytime bc his page just annoys me...it does...how girls talk to him...i know were friends but still... plus i want him to end up with the bestest sweetest girl bc he has such a big heart like its full of love....just love....he helps me with all my problems and everything i swear if he wasnt around me idk what i'd do.... like honestly no one to talk to...no one....what else....idk?...its 9:56 right now.....n e ways---i must go...