(no subject)
yesterday was really weird. it was one of those days where i felt like everything i was doing wasnt really happening...like i was in a dream. and it was kind of scary. i wanted to wake up. i also felt like when i was thinking in my head, that my thoughts were screaming and it wouldnt go away. and it wasnt fun.
now im sitting here typing and the feelings coming back. its like im not doing what im doing. its like its not me. but i dont know why. and i wish i could stop it. i think it may be my subconscious way of dealing with things i dont want to deal with. i think that if i'm in a dream state, i dont have to deal with people/things that i would have to otherwise. its when certain things happen/i see a certain someone/i hear a certain something that i just go into this state and i wish it could go away. and it keeps dullening my emotions so they're almost non existent. i cant feel anything yet i know i am in pain. i cant even eat when i think about certain things.
i need to start over.
on a better note, i waited allll night for a call and when does he call? yeah..after my phone dies. not cool. im sorry. i love you.
now im sitting here typing and the feelings coming back. its like im not doing what im doing. its like its not me. but i dont know why. and i wish i could stop it. i think it may be my subconscious way of dealing with things i dont want to deal with. i think that if i'm in a dream state, i dont have to deal with people/things that i would have to otherwise. its when certain things happen/i see a certain someone/i hear a certain something that i just go into this state and i wish it could go away. and it keeps dullening my emotions so they're almost non existent. i cant feel anything yet i know i am in pain. i cant even eat when i think about certain things.
i need to start over.
on a better note, i waited allll night for a call and when does he call? yeah..after my phone dies. not cool. im sorry. i love you.