(no subject)
i HATE dancing. hate hate hate. it's not that i have social problems, or at least i think i don't have any social problems, i just think it's so awkward to jump and sway around to loud music with people i don't know very well. for one, my body's not equipped for it. when dressing up, i always wear the wrong shoes. always. and then i never pull my shoes off in the corner where everyone else does. i sort of stand for a while until everyone starts dancing, and then i just keep on standing there because i just feel so damn stupid. and then i see someone i know, quite well, grinding and it grosses me out, and then i cross my arms and then i uncross my arms because i know it's bad body language, then i look around and try to create conversation but i can't because the music's just so loud but not loud enough to consume me. then i start to look around and doze out, and then one of my friends taps me on the arms and tells me to just dance, and i say okay, then the dj plays some stupid line dance song and i go because all the other girls go, but i just go through the motions. and then we go back to how we were and then someone else i don't know very well will come up to me and do something silly and then i will walk away but then come back. God, I hate it. i hate listening to the words in the rap songs and i hate wanting to dance and jump and just not letting it come out of my body.
most of all, i hate feeling restrained. i hate it because i know i'm hurting myself. and i hate it because i don't know how to stop it.
most of all, i hate feeling restrained. i hate it because i know i'm hurting myself. and i hate it because i don't know how to stop it.