Letting it all out.
I've decided that there is a lot of stuff I need to get out. I'm not sure if it's just recent or if it's from months, hell maybe even years ago, but here I go.
I've been thinking a lot today, since I kind of got let down. And I realized that I've always been spoiled, not with material things, but with other things. Like boys. I've always gotten the guy I wanted when I wanted him. Yeah, it makes me sound slutty, not to mention feel slutty, but it's true. If I had a crush on a guy, I'd end up dating him or something of that sort. But I messed up really big in January of this year. I had the most amazing boyfriend, he was so sweet and cared so much about me, but we broke up. I know he says it wasn't my fault, but I know it is. Then I started with a different guy, if you're close to me you know who it is. Me and him were close for awhile, then he got bored with me, which is understandable to some degree. So, I've stopped talking with himm, and no offense to this person, but I really don't care and I'm really not hurt from it at all. Then I start talking to the person I messed things up with in January. I never stopped liking him, since I met him last year I never did. I knew from the first time I talked to him that we would have something special, and that we did, for about 11 months. But back to the present. We talked a lot this past week and got close again, though I felt bad because he and his girlfriend had just broken up. But we hung out Friday night and we talked about a lot of things, he told me he loved me still. And I told him I loved him too. Then yesterday he tells me he made up his mind between me and another girl, he said he chose me. So of course I'm uber happy. Then today I'm talking to him at lunch and he tells me he's not so sure anymore, so I was let down big time, but I still had great hope, because I was thinking he loved me. Then we talk after school, things died. He told me it wouldn't work, but I really think they would. But of course you can't have something special without both of the people thinking it will work. So it's over, I am no longer that little girl who gets what she wants when she wants. I'm the girl that gets her hopes up too high and then has them die.
So now, I'm here at my computer letting this all out for the rest of you poor souls to read. I went to the park and decided I wasn't going to be upset about this, and I wasn't going to be mad at the person who let me down. I never thought I'd get over something like this as fast as I have, but maybe I'm not just am emo piece of shit. I just have some feelings, does that make me so emo? Or maybe I'm really not over it and I'm just writting all this so everyone will think I'm alright and so I myself can believe that the smile on my face is real. I don't know to tell you the truth, but really, I don't care. I want to be happy with what I have, not what I could have had. I love the few friends I have and as long as they're there for me I think I will be alright. And if I'm emo at times, just give me space, or let me cry it all out to you. I'm getting better at letting my feelings out and not just holding them in.
To the people that actually read this and took it in and still love me, thank you. And if it confused you, I'm sorry, it's just my messy thoughts. Have a nice night.
P.S. To the person this is mostly about, I'm sorry I went off. I'm not mad, and I don't hate you. I've just been hurt a lot lately and let down too often, and I guess this was just another let down. I'll get over it though, and you're not a dick, you just need to think before you speak, and make sure you know for sure instead of just going on past matters. I love you, and I don't mean for that to make you feel bad.
I've been thinking a lot today, since I kind of got let down. And I realized that I've always been spoiled, not with material things, but with other things. Like boys. I've always gotten the guy I wanted when I wanted him. Yeah, it makes me sound slutty, not to mention feel slutty, but it's true. If I had a crush on a guy, I'd end up dating him or something of that sort. But I messed up really big in January of this year. I had the most amazing boyfriend, he was so sweet and cared so much about me, but we broke up. I know he says it wasn't my fault, but I know it is. Then I started with a different guy, if you're close to me you know who it is. Me and him were close for awhile, then he got bored with me, which is understandable to some degree. So, I've stopped talking with himm, and no offense to this person, but I really don't care and I'm really not hurt from it at all. Then I start talking to the person I messed things up with in January. I never stopped liking him, since I met him last year I never did. I knew from the first time I talked to him that we would have something special, and that we did, for about 11 months. But back to the present. We talked a lot this past week and got close again, though I felt bad because he and his girlfriend had just broken up. But we hung out Friday night and we talked about a lot of things, he told me he loved me still. And I told him I loved him too. Then yesterday he tells me he made up his mind between me and another girl, he said he chose me. So of course I'm uber happy. Then today I'm talking to him at lunch and he tells me he's not so sure anymore, so I was let down big time, but I still had great hope, because I was thinking he loved me. Then we talk after school, things died. He told me it wouldn't work, but I really think they would. But of course you can't have something special without both of the people thinking it will work. So it's over, I am no longer that little girl who gets what she wants when she wants. I'm the girl that gets her hopes up too high and then has them die.
So now, I'm here at my computer letting this all out for the rest of you poor souls to read. I went to the park and decided I wasn't going to be upset about this, and I wasn't going to be mad at the person who let me down. I never thought I'd get over something like this as fast as I have, but maybe I'm not just am emo piece of shit. I just have some feelings, does that make me so emo? Or maybe I'm really not over it and I'm just writting all this so everyone will think I'm alright and so I myself can believe that the smile on my face is real. I don't know to tell you the truth, but really, I don't care. I want to be happy with what I have, not what I could have had. I love the few friends I have and as long as they're there for me I think I will be alright. And if I'm emo at times, just give me space, or let me cry it all out to you. I'm getting better at letting my feelings out and not just holding them in.
To the people that actually read this and took it in and still love me, thank you. And if it confused you, I'm sorry, it's just my messy thoughts. Have a nice night.
P.S. To the person this is mostly about, I'm sorry I went off. I'm not mad, and I don't hate you. I've just been hurt a lot lately and let down too often, and I guess this was just another let down. I'll get over it though, and you're not a dick, you just need to think before you speak, and make sure you know for sure instead of just going on past matters. I love you, and I don't mean for that to make you feel bad.