She said "You are the new world, promise me you wont change"
So basically...it's all good.
I had a big (well to me it was big, everyone else thought I was being overdramatic but fuck them, I am overdramatic) arguement with Emly about...guess what...PILLS = stupid. I was like "Can't be assed to go out if i'm not doing pills this weekend cause i'll just waste money on green". Emily said I was becoming addicted if I had that attitude my response, naturally, was to laugh and then say "Fuck off, i'm not fucking addicted for fuck sake". She said I laughed but she knew I cared, this majorly hit a nerve cause, it was true. Truth hurts instantly but lies just fester and hurt more when they come out, as they always do. Anyway we shouted, which was good, then we resolved it and I came out cause I wanted to. And go me; I only spent £20 on a teenth and a bottle of vodca = well intelligent. this was cause I couldn't get green last night, it crushed me, alot.
Anyway friday we just got stoned and it was nice. Then saturday night I got drunk (cause i'm a lightweight) and everyone got ,mildly drunk. ANd Jim came to visit. So me, emly, hanna, Roo, jake and Treacle played drinking games. And for "I have never" me and treacle kept having to drink, specially when hanna said "I have never puleed Jim" = CRUEL GIRL. But I love her. jaz went to bed cause he doen't drink vodca. I got a wonderfull text = frog<3
Today I was walking home and saw this lovely lady who comes into the shop. She said i looked a bit down and not myself recently and we had a long chat about life. We were saying how we were both really dramatic and it was only cause we were impulsive and she said she was attracted to me as a person cause we were so alike (not like attracted just, you know what I mean). She said "Always remember, no matter whats going on around you, (I mean somtimes i look around and think i must be an alien, I don't belong here) always be glad your yourself, cause at the end of the day, at leats your not a fucking sheep" she said loads of lovely stuff and I just feel free and enlightened, just you know, Iike I have the power, like I have control over my life. She said i should go round for a smoke or something if I was ever feeling abit low and needed to talk. Shes much older than me, she has a daughter thats all grown up but, she just understands me. She understands that i'm dramatic and emotional and make big deals out of stuff, but, unlike anyone else, she understands it's not a need for drama or some childish plea for attention. it's because i'm passionate about what I want. It's because I think lots and it's a bit all or nothing. SHe even takes drugs for the same reason as me, exactly the fucking same. SHes actually me when i'm older, or at leats how i imagine myslef to turn out. Or how I want to turn out. She is a beautiful person. she says i'm like her when she was young, I was well complimented.
sat next to Jim who wasn't that wasted and he held my hand before he was wasted which was sweet. And he said he meant all the stuff he said and he said he wanted me (cause I asked) and we spoke about me getting with other poeple cause I confessed that I was coming onto jake a tiny bit.....the film was scaring me. Anyway Jim is well the lovliest and when i started getting paranoid he kissed me. And he stroked my face and I am happy and he makes me happy but when we talk about stuff sometimes all he says is "I don't mind" and i'm beggining to get really fucking pissed off. Maybe i'm just too obcessive but I don't think "I don't mind" is a nice thing to say. He always says and does so many other things that contradict it.
I'm beggining to properly love Jake as a friend, I mean I always have but loads more, probabaly cause now it's definate and sure I don't fancy him at all. Anyway he put some of my left over roach on his neclace cause it was written on<3. And he can say stuff like "your shallow" and I don't think he;s talking out of line.
I had a big (well to me it was big, everyone else thought I was being overdramatic but fuck them, I am overdramatic) arguement with Emly about...guess what...PILLS = stupid. I was like "Can't be assed to go out if i'm not doing pills this weekend cause i'll just waste money on green". Emily said I was becoming addicted if I had that attitude my response, naturally, was to laugh and then say "Fuck off, i'm not fucking addicted for fuck sake". She said I laughed but she knew I cared, this majorly hit a nerve cause, it was true. Truth hurts instantly but lies just fester and hurt more when they come out, as they always do. Anyway we shouted, which was good, then we resolved it and I came out cause I wanted to. And go me; I only spent £20 on a teenth and a bottle of vodca = well intelligent. this was cause I couldn't get green last night, it crushed me, alot.
Anyway friday we just got stoned and it was nice. Then saturday night I got drunk (cause i'm a lightweight) and everyone got ,mildly drunk. ANd Jim came to visit. So me, emly, hanna, Roo, jake and Treacle played drinking games. And for "I have never" me and treacle kept having to drink, specially when hanna said "I have never puleed Jim" = CRUEL GIRL. But I love her. jaz went to bed cause he doen't drink vodca. I got a wonderfull text = frog<3
Today I was walking home and saw this lovely lady who comes into the shop. She said i looked a bit down and not myself recently and we had a long chat about life. We were saying how we were both really dramatic and it was only cause we were impulsive and she said she was attracted to me as a person cause we were so alike (not like attracted just, you know what I mean). She said "Always remember, no matter whats going on around you, (I mean somtimes i look around and think i must be an alien, I don't belong here) always be glad your yourself, cause at the end of the day, at leats your not a fucking sheep" she said loads of lovely stuff and I just feel free and enlightened, just you know, Iike I have the power, like I have control over my life. She said i should go round for a smoke or something if I was ever feeling abit low and needed to talk. Shes much older than me, she has a daughter thats all grown up but, she just understands me. She understands that i'm dramatic and emotional and make big deals out of stuff, but, unlike anyone else, she understands it's not a need for drama or some childish plea for attention. it's because i'm passionate about what I want. It's because I think lots and it's a bit all or nothing. SHe even takes drugs for the same reason as me, exactly the fucking same. SHes actually me when i'm older, or at leats how i imagine myslef to turn out. Or how I want to turn out. She is a beautiful person. she says i'm like her when she was young, I was well complimented.
sat next to Jim who wasn't that wasted and he held my hand before he was wasted which was sweet. And he said he meant all the stuff he said and he said he wanted me (cause I asked) and we spoke about me getting with other poeple cause I confessed that I was coming onto jake a tiny bit.....the film was scaring me. Anyway Jim is well the lovliest and when i started getting paranoid he kissed me. And he stroked my face and I am happy and he makes me happy but when we talk about stuff sometimes all he says is "I don't mind" and i'm beggining to get really fucking pissed off. Maybe i'm just too obcessive but I don't think "I don't mind" is a nice thing to say. He always says and does so many other things that contradict it.
I'm beggining to properly love Jake as a friend, I mean I always have but loads more, probabaly cause now it's definate and sure I don't fancy him at all. Anyway he put some of my left over roach on his neclace cause it was written on<3. And he can say stuff like "your shallow" and I don't think he;s talking out of line.