grieving

[dream_kitty]

she is gone.
suddenly i am glad that this place did not know her.
that these wall cannot feel her loss.
that they will not ache and mourn as i do.
they never knew her.
they cannot remind me.

a piece of me has been removed.
somewhere there is a void sitting.
somewhere there is an empty space.
there is a lack of sound and movement where she used to be.

life moves on around me.
the sky is blue and cloudless.
and i am fraying at the edges.
i am tearing apart inside
searching for her.

tears well up and spill and then again.
and again.

the pain is nothing compared to the sadness.
to the emptiness.

she would not want this.
not at all
but i cannot help feeling
cannot help knowing
one day this will not hurt so badly
but that seems such a far way off.
seems so unreachable in this place

this quiet place that she once felt
once moved and smiled in
once was so alive in.
it will be empty of her eternally

i will always feel this somehow
a piece is missing
it cannot be returned
it is hers to keep, to cherish as she sleeps.

i will not ask the question
why?
it is unanswerable.

rhyme and reason have nothing to do with it and i am lost.
this is new and terrible.
my hands ache from shaking
my mind, my heart, aches from feeling, from thinking of her.

we will always remember you.
Stephani.